He Said...

He said... he would lose his mind if he lost me....

He said... he needs me...

He said... his world would be upside down if I were not there to keep him grounded...

He said... I was his rib, designed just for him...

He said... I make him a better man...

He said... the more he is with me, the more he loves me...

He said... he's learning more and more about me everyday. No matter how much he knows, I never cease to amaze him...

He said...he loves the way I care for my family...

He said...he loved the fact that I am selfless..

He said...he loves the way I am with my child...would have a million babies with me if he could...and he loves my child like she is his own...

He said...I have the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen...He gets lost in the when he looks at me...

He said...he can't wait until I'm his wife...

He said...I am everything he needs in a woman(and that is hard to find)...

He said...He loves me from his soul...With everything he has...

( I have never loved anyone this much. I have always relied on myself to LOVE ME. How do I handle someone caring as much about me, as I care about myself, or even more at times... Sometimes I think I'm dreaming, but when I wake up, he's still there. Never changing...constantly loving me. I can't really put my feelings into words because it would not be enough...I just accept the love that he gives me, and love him in return. Who knows how long it will last, but as long as the fire is burning, I am enjoying the heat...


All of these things he said, over the weekend...Secluded in my house...Not answering the phone...Not answering the door...Only leaving to go to the store...He and I in our own little world...Oblivious to the things going on around us...He was lost in me, and I in him...

He said...he loved me, as he got up to take a shower this morning...

He said...he loved as I joined him...

He said...he loved me just a moment ago, (as he is now making me breakfast)...I'm sitting at the table, typing, looking at him...He's standing in front of the stove, smiling that million dollar smile, thinking I'm hard at work...

I love that man so much...Not just for what he says, but for who he is and what he does for me as a person...I'm glad that I don't have to settle for what he gives me, because he is giving me all that I need...

He said, breakfast is ready. So I'll say, Goodbye for now...

Don't you just love compliments?

Doesn't it just make the day go by so much smoother when people are positive?

Ne Me Quitte Pas...

Do not leave me....

What is wrong with being alone? Why do people have such a huge problem with being by themselves? I am in a relationship now, but I was by myself for a long time before I chose to be with someone else.

Some people will go through hell just to have someone. Why do you think that is?

I would rather be by myself and happy, than to be with someone who makes me miserable.

This post was inspired by my friend who lives with his girlfriend and has a boy toy on the side. They are still playing the same crazy game. I saw him yesterday afternoon with his boy toy. He later came by my house with his girlfriend. The crazy thing is, they both know that the other exists...They both want him and would rather co-exist with the other lover than to let him go...That is so crazy to me...Oh well, his decisions, his drama...

Have a great weekend everyone!

Honesty...

Is honesty always the best policy? What if it hurts another person?

Would you hide the truth to salvage another person's feelings or do you tell the truth no matter what?

Is there a such thing as being too honest with someone else?

I Didn't Do Anything Wrong...Did I?

I sat patiently waiting for my man. I was meeting him for dinner and he was running a little late. The waiter seated me in corner, where I could see everything. I was checking the place out. I loved the decor and the ambiance. I was doing just fine...Alone...Minding my own business.

...Then our eyes met. No, it couldn't be. Was this the same guy I ran into at the mall a few months back? The one that I shared a brief conversation with...The one that I had to take a second look at...Yes, it was him. I looked away quickly. Those deep ,dark, almond eyes seemed to be looking right through me. When I looked up, he was still staring at me...This time he was smiling,flashing those beautiful white teeth. I couldn't help but to smile in return. Once again, I looked away. But I felt his eyes getting closer. My heart was racing. Not because he was getting closer, but because I knew that my man was on his way...Oh no, don't come over here...

He stopped at my table, and asked if I was dining alone. I told him that I was waiting for someone, and he sat down anyway. He said he wouldn't stay long. He was cocky, a tad bit arrogant. It both intrigued me and annoyed me at the same time. He looked at my ring and smiled. I smiled back.

He said, "Happy?"

I said, "Very."

He said, Good."

Why was he still sitting there? My heart was racing. How would I explain the flushed look on my face to the man I love? He knew exactly what he was doing, and he loved it...

I said, "It was nice to see you again(wishing that he would get up...He didn't...He just sat there an tortured me a few moment longer.)"

I saw my man walk in the door. I guess he could tell by the look on my face. Just as the hostess was bringing him to the table, He got up, smiled, and walked back to his seat at the bar.

My man didn't see him. But he saw my face. He started apologizing...He thought I was upset because he was late. I felt so guilty, and I hadn't done anything wrong.

That's the main reason I don't cheat. I can't handle the lying and the creepin'. I can't take the pressure.

He kept watching me from his seat at the bar. I asked my man if he minded if I sat next to him. My man was happy...thought I just wanted to be close to him. I was happy because He could no longer look me in the face.

He got up to go to the restroom. Why did He have to pass our table to go? Why did He stop briefly at our table to say hello? Why did my man ask me if I knew Him after he left? Why didn't I know His name? I never asked. He didn't know my name either. We started as passing strangers, and that's how we left it. A quick look back was all we shared as we parted ways a few months back at the mall, but I couldn't forget his face...his eyes. How could I explain this to my man in a way that he could understand? I told him that I didn't know Him either... It bothered me for the rest of the evening.

When we got home, I explained the whole situation to him. He understood...I had to omit a few minor details...But he's a smart one, so I he filled in the blanks with his own thoughts...

I thought it was over. He woke me up an hour later and asked, "Did you want him?" I said, "No, you are the only man that I want." He held me, and went back to sleep.

This whole little episode has brought a small stain of curiosity into my relationship...I'm curious as to why this man had an affect on me, but I WILL NOT act on curiosity. It ALWAYS gets me into trouble. My man was curious for a moment to know if I was interested in another man...I'm glad things are okay now.

It takes small situations like this to keep us on our toes. It helped me to realize how much I love my man, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. It helped my man to realize that he can't stop doing what he doing...Because just like that, another brotha will try to come and take what he has...

He's already making plans for the evening...So much for a busy work week...

I have EVERYTHING that I need in my man... and I won't let anything or anyone mess that up.


Have you even been in a situation that you felt like you had no control over?

Have you ever been in a compromising situation between two people that YOU didn't really put yourself into? How did you handle it?

Just A Stolen Moment...

We were only in the office for about 2 and a half hours last night. One of my team members had a family emergency so we will be starting again today! Whew! I still have to work, but I don't have to think! We got the planning phase completed last night, so I get to work from home !

My man and I got to my house at about the same time last night. He was exhausted. He had pulled an 18 hour day. I worked most of the day at home, so I really didn't get much sleep either. I sat my things down, and without saying a word, I walked over to him, took his hand, and led him into the bedroom. He had a "What are you about to do" look on his face, but the smirk told me that whatever it was, he wanted it.

There was no resistance as I undressed him. I turned on the shower and he got in...I joined him. At that point I don't know where his exhaustion went. He was a madd man and I wanted it...I needed it...I loved it!

Those are the types of days that I love. No complaining about how bad our day was...No complaining about our lack of sleep...No complaining about our problems... Actually, we never really said anything to each other. We let our bodies do the talking....and what a great conversation it was...

Have you ever been with a person that you don't have to tell what you want, they just know? Not necessarily a lover, but a friend as well. They know when you need a hug, or a shoulder to cry on, or when you just need to be alone.

We have that connection...We just know...

Have you ever felt like you were connected to another person?

I can tell by the look in his eyes, or the expression on his face what he wants and needs. It's weird, but it's there. It's hard to find someone that you can sit around all day and do nothing with, yet you talk to them about everything...and I mean everything! He makes me feel safe, and comfortable. When I am in his arms, I am at total peace. It's one thing to say that you will take care of everything, but it's another thing to do it...and he does it.

I'm not going to go on and on about him today. He's just getting up, so I'm going to enjoy my last few moments with him before he is off to work...Maybe there will be an encore of last night's performance. Until next time...

Have you ever felt like you were at the right place, at the right time in your life?

I Have To Slow Down...

This weekend I enjoyed the company of family and friends...That along with good food was a winning combination.

Friday afternoon, my whole family, and most of my friends (and their friends)took all the kids in the family to the amusement park. That was my brother's birthday gift to my daughter. He paid for all the kids to go. That was so nice of him. We all had a blast. It was sooo hot out there..

Saturday was the cook out that my parents held for my daughter's birthday. There were a lot of people that came out. Not necessarily to celebrate my daughter's birthday, but for the food. Eveyone that knows my family knows that my mom and aunts can thrown down in the kitchen and they always cook plenty of food It was a big plus for my daughter when they found out that the cook out was held for her birthday because the people who showed up without gifts gave her money. She racked up a nice chunk of change...

Have you ever had a day when nothing goes your way? Yesterday was one of those days for me. To start, I woke up late and almost missed half of the church service. I started to stay home, but something told me to go. I'm glad I did. I really needed to hear the message..."Turning Complaints Into Thank You's"

There were a lot of other things that happened yesterday, but after the sermon, I felt that they weren't so bad, and I won't complain. I am just thankful to have a man in my life that can pick up the pieces effortlessly...

My man went to church with his family yesterday so we were supposed to meet up after service. The church that his family attends usually lets out about an hour and a half after my church, so I had plenty of time to go home and get comfortable.

The weather was so nice(for a change), we decided to go on a picnic at the lake. After a few incoming calls, it turned into an event...Since it was last minute thing, we decided to make it a BYOF (Bring Your Own Food), type of thing.

I have this short coral linen dress that I bought a few weeks ago that was perfect for the little event. Whenever we get together, it's just another excuse to look wonderful. So we decided that everyone would wear pastel colors. Softspoken killed them in off white...Ambitious was gorgeous in the softest shade of orange and my man was rocking the heck out of his yellow. I love the way it contrasted with his skin. So sexy... Diva, of course had on pink, but it wasn't a cheesy pink, it was a classy shade of rose. Green Eyes had on this mint green shirt that made his eyes look almost transparent... My very pregnant friend was rocking this lilac dress that looked cute on her. My man's best friend and his girl had on powder blue. I think we had all the colors of the pastel rainbow on lock! It's killing me to hold these pics because they came out so nice, but I will stick to the original Incognegro ( a name that was given to me by a fellow blogger) theme of my blog...

I guess a couple of my friends didn't get the memo because they came empty handed. Of course I brought extra food, but dang!

There were so many people out there yesterday. We met some interesting folks. For the most part we had a great time.

This weekend, I didn't spend any alone time with my man. By the time we got back home after each day's festivities, we were so tired, all we wanted to do was sleep. He is going to be very busy at work all week, and I have a project at work starting tonight and I have to go into the office to work with my team on it. The final team members are flying in from China and aren't expected in until 9:00 p.m. tonight. I know I'm in for a long night. There is no telling what time we'll get out of there, and this is just day one of the planning phase. I guess it really does cost to be the boss... It's crazy, but my man and I will actually have to schedule time for each other this week. It's just Monday and I am already looking forward to the weekend so I can spend time alone with him.

I am going to make him lunch and take it to him at work...He's going to be so happy. He loves the attention... I always add a little something extra to make him feel special.

I will be sleeping most of the evening because I will be up all night working...

My daughter left about 5 minutes ago, and is going to be gone for two more weeks with her dad, so I have another break in this job we call parenting!

My man and I are planning to get together tonight for a little rendezvous, but that is all dependent upon work...I hope all goes well. A sistah has an itch that only one man can scratch...

Have you ever been so busy that you don't know whether you're going or coming?

Are you burned out from work?

Are you in need of a VACATION? I know I am....

I Deserve Him...

Over and over again I ask myself, "Why is he so good to me? Why is he so patient with me? Why does he take time to care about the little things that even I forget? Why does he love me so much?"

Heck...I'm the reason! At first I concluded after being in several relationships with the wrong men, that my man being good to me was the sole reason why we have a good relationship, but I was only seeing half of the picture. It wasn't until later that I saw how much I contribute to the success of our relationship.

I am giving this man everything he needs...We are both financially stable so there is no money drama. It is very important to have stability(not just with finances), BEFORE you try to bring someone into your life on a permanent basis. Now it's not all about money, but the fact that we don't have to worry about how we are going to pay our bills is a big help. That's not to say that we don't have times when we have to pinch pennies just like everyone else, but we both work extremely hard. I spend ONLY what I have and nothing more. What I mean by that is, just because I have money in the bank doesn't mean I have money to spend on just anything... From the late night conference calls to the emergency runs to the office at 3:00 a.m., we work to maintain what we have. My computer is on 24-7. I actively put in my 40 hours a week just like everyone else, but on top of that I am expected to be available at ALL TIMES...

Getting back to my relationship...

When he needs space, I give it to him. When he needs affection, I am right there. When he needs someone to talk to, I listen(even though sometimes I want to give my opinion, I had to realize that if he didn't ask for it, he really didn't want to hear it. He was just being nice by listening to what I had to say in return) . When he needs to be "handled" I take care of business...I cook, I clean...I do everything( But he doesn't mind doing it at all)...I stroke his ego on a regular basis, so when he leaves me, he feels like he can conquer the world.

My daughter was with her dad yesterday, so after my teen session, I went to my man's place. As usual, he catered to me and I didn't lift a finger. He bought me some sexy underwear...The boy has taste I tell you!

I won't get into all the details, but lets just say that yesterday, he gave me exactly what I needed...Good food, good conversation, and great sex...Oh yeah, sexy underwear are always a plus.

I've said this time and time again...Always find a partner who loves you more than you love them. That's not to say that in reality, the love is not matched equally, but when you have to wonder who loves who more, nothing but good can come from it...

When was the last time that you got what you needed from another person? (Whether it be true friendship (which encompasses a lot), sex, conversation, time, money, or just the honest to God's truth?

I Don't Want To Grow Up...

I didn't get my cousin's girls. They were disappointed but I think I made the best decision. I just called my cousin up and said, "unfortunately there will be gay people at my house today, and I know how you feel about them around your children so I think it's best that I leave them at home." Then I hung up the phone. I didn't wait for a response. I didn't need one...We still had a blast!

Yesterday I had a chance to be a big kid. Even though the temperature was in the triple digits, we rode go-carts( I have two and my male cousin has two. We lucked up on them about a year ago. I was helping him move and as we were riding back, we passed a place where we used to ride go-carts, and they had a big sign that said Going Out of Business Sale. Of course we stopped. They were selling the one seaters for $50 and the 2 seaters for $75. Each person could only buy two...Dang! We put the 4 of them in the back of that moving truck and went on our way.) My brother did the minor repairs and painted them. He and my daughter ride them more than I do. I'm glad I found them. I had my cousin bring his two over on Monday so my brother could make sure they were working like they should.

The good thing about living in Texas is, there is a lot of wide open space. I have this huge park down the street from my house. One side of the park is reserved for play. The other side is green as far a s you can see, and there are a lot of trees so there was a lot of shade. We had so much fun out there, but I think we polished off a case of drinking water. After we left the park we went home and showered,and I took everyone out to dinner. By now, my man had joined the party. After dinner I took them to a movie, and then we went back to my house to swim. I will be dropping them all off at summer day camp in a couple of hours and I can't wait! I had a good time but I am soooo tired.

The smile on my daughter's face yesterday almost brought tears to my eyes. She was so happy just to have people to play with. I have made the descision that after we get married, I am going to go ahead and try for more kids. Even though it might be tough (before and after I have them), I am going to give it a shot for myself, my daughter, and my man.

My parents are having a big cook out this weekend for my daughter's birthday. There is supposed to be a little rain, but that has never stopped my family. My mom and my aunts will change the menu and cook if they have to. We need the rain so badly anyway so I won't complain... I love getting together with family, having good food and friends at my parent's house. I am so happy it's not at my house. Although I love my peeps, it seems like after they leave, I am cleaning up for 3 days.

When was the last time you acted like a big kid? Don't you wish you could go back sometimes...just give up all the responsibilities and have no worries?

Your Kids...Your Decision

I had so much fun with my friend yesterday...staying in out of the 108 degree weather and staying cool...It's funny how times have changed. A few years ago we'd be out shopping or just enjoying the sites. Instead we ordered lunch in, complained about the gas prices, and talked about shopping this weekend.

I have some activities planned for my daughter and her two best friends today. I also invited 2 of my cousin's daughters. They called to talk to my daughter yesterday and asked if they could come over. Just because I am done with their mother doesn't mean the children have to suffer. I am in mommy mode today...Softspoken is coming over again. He is wonderful with kids. He loves being around them. He says it's their innocence that he likes. They are not judgmental and they are brutally honest. I think he's more excited about it than they are.

No one would know that my best friend is gay until he told them. He's not feminine at all. He's a very nice looking guy and he gets approached by several women, even though he rejects them. No one except the people in my close circle actually know. It's not that he's trying to hide it. It's just that it is something that no one really knows. He's rather shy and he just smiles when people talk to him.

My cousin is somewhat prejudice to gay men. She's not homophobic, but she has made a few comments that have made me want to slap the heck out of her... She feels that they are all the same. I wonder what my friend would think if I ever told him about some of the things she said. I am not the type of person that carries trouble from one person to the next. I am not a messenger... If someone says something to me that I know would hurt someone that I care about, I set them straight right then and there, and I leave it at that. But doesn't he have a right to know how she feels?

She made comments about how most gay men are flamboyant and they have to let the world know that they are gay, and she didn't want her kids around them. That is SOOO dumb. Her ignorant behind has no clue that the same man that has helped me with her kids so many times, is gay... My question is ...Since my cousin has a problem with gay men, should I tell her that my friend is gay and leave her daughters at home with her? Should I tell her that he is gay and give her the choice of whether or not she wants her kids around him? Me personally, I would want to know, but it wouldn't affect my opinion of the person. To me it has to be judged on an individual basis...It doesn't matter to me that my friend is gay. My child has been around him since she was born and she has never questioned me about it (except for that little episode at the store a few months back). To her, he is Uncle Softspoken and he can conquer the world...Just like straight men, he leaves his bedroom business in the bedroom! Why does my cousin feel like a gay man would corrupt her children? She is worse than any of the gay man I know!

I really don't want to talk to her at all. The girls told her yesterday while on the phone with my daughter what time we would be coming by to pick them up and she said they would be ready. I have nothing to say to her, but I don't know if I would just come out and tell her and get it over with...

What do you think?

He's The Best!

My friends are very special to me, but one in particular, Sofspoken is my"bestest-best". Ambitious is right behind him. I hate the fact that he has to travel so much for work, but he enjoys it so I have to be happy for him. He was supposed to be gone for a while but he is back.

I haven't really been spending much time with my friends( with the exception of the party for Ambitious). I have been busy doing my own thing. Softspoken is the one person in the circle who has the ability to get us all together. It's just something about him. He is a positive person and I enjoy being around him so much...We all do. So we all went out to dinner last night. My daughter loves going out with them. She is a little princess in their eyes and of course they all spoil her to death. Even Diva (who hates kids) has a soft spot for her. It's probably the fact that she is very well behaved ( That's the power of a good old fashion butt whooping!).

This family was sitting behind us last night and I wanted to slap the heck out of the parents. They had 3 small kids that were all over the place....Crawling under the tables...Hanging off the chairs...Running and yelling. The waiter had to tell them to get their kids twice and they just sat there talking like nothing was wrong. The manager finally came out and asked them to leave. I was so happy. Don't you just hate it when parents can't control their kids?

Softspoken is coming over today. Whenever he's in town we spend a lot of time together. He tells me all his travel stories and I give him the run down on all the things he missed out on while he was away. I love the fact that he is considerate of my relationship. Although my man is not jealous, Softspoken respects the fact that at a certain time of the day, I turn everything off for my family...He says that even though he is gay, he would never want my man to feel like I am spending all my time with another man.

I have no plans for us today. We'll just hang out and go with the flow until I meet up with my teen girls tonight. We'll talk...we'll eat...we'll laugh...we'll cry...It's good to have a friend in your life that will stick by you no matter what. Most of all, I love the fact that he has a tactful way of telling it like it is. I hate it when people tread lightly around me in fear that I won't do anything for them...I am not like that. If I'm going to do something for you, I'll do it regardless. Somehow hearing things from him makes it so much easier to handle because I know he is telling me from the heart.

Every person should have at least one good friend in their life. A person that can do or say simple things to make your day better. I have a man that does so much for me, but it is still not like my friend.

I love my friend to death and can't wait to spend the day with him.

Do you have any good friends?

My Life Is a Blessing...

As I look at my life, I realize that I am blessed. I make decent money( but I don't have all of my eggs in one basket. My job is just what it is, a job, but it is NOT my livelihood. It could be gone in a moment, so I don't base my life on it...). I have been blessed with nice things, a healthy happy child, a good man, and a family who loves me to death. Should I feel bad about what I've accomplished or what I have...No, not at all. I just count everyday as a blessing.

It took a lot to get to where I am today...hard work, long hours, and plenty of sacrifices, but it has all paid off. Now this won't be a religious post by far, but my religion is a part of me... There was a point in my life where I hit rock bottom. I had nothing but a few dollars and a child to try to take care of. I felt sorry for myself, but I had to look at myself and see what I was doing to be at that point in my life. I realized that even though I wasn't directly doing anything to hinder my growth, my whole mind set was jacked up. I saw how successful my parents were, and how successful my brother was...heck even all of my friends were doing better than me. It's like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I had a long talk with my mother at that point. She told me one thing that helped me so much. She said, when God is pleased with your life, everything you touch will be blessed. I was reminded of this on yesterday while I was watching the newest Tyler Perry play. He made that statement in the movie, and it stayed on my mind the rest of the day. That along with a few comments from a fellow blogger inspired this post...

I had to figure out what I was doing that was not pleasing to God. It was hard for me to find. I thought I was doing everything right. But I wasn't. I was selling myself short. I accepted what life had thrown my way. I went to work, went to school, took care of my child, and waited on something to happen. It never did...I realized that as long as I was in the state of "getting by", I would never get ahead. God helps those who help themselves...As I have said before, I am blessed with a great family. My mother taught us how to invest at a young age. I know a lot of people say, I can't invest what I don't have. I can still remember. I took my first tax refund check(which most people get every year) and invested it. It wasn't a lot of money, but it was a lot to me. It was risky, and at first I thought I was throwing my money away. After a while I saw how the money grew, and I have been hooked since then. After that, I started saving small amounts and turning them into larger amounts. Instead of buying CD's and clothes, I was well on my way to buying my future. Eveytime a new cd or movie would come out, or a saw an outfit that I wanted, to took the money that I was going to spend on it, and put it back.

My mother laid the foundation, but I had to do all the work...to get my car...my house...all my things. She and my father only helped me after the fact. They didn't give me money though. They let me join their investment group (only because of my net worth at the time, not because I was their child). I was now an asset to them...

I don't regret any of the decisions I have made in my life. I just live everyday to the fullest because this is the only life that I'm going to get. It is up to me to mold my own destiny. How my life is now, is a result of how I have chosen to MAKE my life. I love me and the people in my circle. Even though I have to take the good with the bad, they have helped me through a lot of hard times. That's why today I have no problem giving to others that need help. I was where they are not too long ago. All I can do is thank God...I have come a long way, and I have a long way to go.

This post was written in no way to boast about what I have accomplished or to belittle anyone else...it's just my personal testimony...

How have you been blessed in your life?

Cutting Her Off For Good

Why can the people that we care about the most, get to us the worst? Why do our loved one have the ability to make us so angry? My cousin has gotten into some craziness and of course they always call my brother and I for help. I don't know where she came from. She is like no one else in our family. When she gets in a bind, no one else will help her. She has worn me out. I threatened to cut her off so many times before, but my decision is final. You just can't help some people, and I have realized that she is one of those people.

My cousin found out that her man was cheating on her. She was very upset, which can be expected, but what happened next is what brought me into the whole ordeal...

After she caught him, she lost it. She beat the heck out of the chic (I mean, she gave her a beat down that required medical attention). She said that she fought the chic because she and they chic are best friends, and she used what she knew to get her man. Now as you know, I will fight for a lot of things, but if both my man and the chic are wrong, I'll just walk away. After she beat the chic up she went to her place(she has a key) and tore it up! She cut up everything she could get her hands on. It was a total disaster.

After that she went to his place, sliced his tires, and threw a brick through his the front window of his house. She is crazy. Now why did I get a call asking for help. She called me first and I didn't answer, so she called my brother. She then called me back. I'm glad that I decided to take my mom out early in the day because it would have been a mess. I called my brother, and we both went to see what needed to be done to get her out. Now when it comes to jail, and the whole process, I have no clue on what to do...Luckily I have never been taken to jail for fighting. Now my cousin, who seems to keep something going, is in a world of trouble. I am exhausted, and angry. She didn't think about herself, or her six kids while she was doing any of this. She had them all with her. What type of mother would do something like this in front of her kids?

We got her out, but I am done with her. She has lied to me, and stolen from me, and so much more. I have had enough. My brother and I both vowed that THIS IS IT! I hate to cut people off, especially family, but she leaves me no choice. It will be hard, but my cousin has to be gone from my life!

The First Person To Teach Me What Love Is

My post today is dedicated to a very special lady...She was the first one to feel me move. The first one to know I existed. The one who chose to give me life, even though she was already struggling with one child. This is dedicated, to my mother. Today is her birthday!

In spite of all the things that I go through...She is always there. My mom and I are very close. I have always been a daddy's girl, but when I got older, I appreciated her for the type of person that she is. She has patience beyond measure. She has a silent power that commands attention whenever she walks into a room. She is so classy, with poise and grace, yet she knows how to be gentle and nurturing, as well as take care of her man(my father). She is the main person that I listen to for relationship advice because she always knows what's best. I talk to her about EVERYTHING! She is my rock.

So for today, I will be appreciating my mother for all that she has done to get me where I am today. I had to realize that I only get ONE mother in my lifetime. Once she's gone, there will never be another in person in my life like her...

Emotional

My man is back and not doing so well after the death of his friend. He said the funeral was very sad. The majority of my day will be spent with him and my child...I'll still be around blogland though. He hasn't had much sleep so he's catching up on that as we speak. I am just mentally drained right now...

Emotional sex is the best...Angry, sad, frustrated, or happy sex....It's crazy but when you are emotional it heightens the senses...

When was the last time you had some back breaking, mind-blowing sex? For those of you that haven't had it in a while....get to it!

Another Challenge...

I had a session with my girl's group yesterday. During the summer, I meet with them twice a week instead of once. There is a new girl in my group, and she is broken. She has been through so much at such a young age. I just hope that I can help her.

Her father died when she was 5 years old, and her mother never bounced back, so this poor child was left to suffer. Since then, her mother has been in and out of rehab and jail, and she has been in and out of foster care. Her mother has even traded her for drugs on several occasions. She is in the process of being adopted by her aunt. We go to the same church. Her aunt heard about the program and asked if there was any way that I could help her niece. She is strong willed, and very smart. She just doesn't know how to express herself. For her, being tough has been her outlet. She is getting into all kinds of trouble. It is up to me to find out what lies beneath it all, and find a way to help her express it in a positive way. I know this will be challenging, but if it saves her, then it is worth it.

I know that I can't save the world, and I'm not trying to, but I can help these girls...one by one, I am doing my part. I am taking her out to lunch today. She has never been to a restaurant. In the short time I have known her, she has opened up to me a lot. I think the problem with her is, she doesn't care about the world because she has never had anyone to care about her. She sees being smart as a sign of weakness, so she hides it from the world. The first thing I must do is build a line of trust. She is starting to trust me, but I have to show her that I trust her before she will trust me completely. This is a very delicate process that has to be handled with care because it can either make or break our relationship. We have a long way to go, but I know she'll be just fine.

Every time I help one of these girls, I know what lies ahead. It gets frustrating at times... When they first come in, they are disrespectful, angry , and just don't care. They will say anything to you. The beauty in the whole situation is the outcome of all my hard work. I don't get paid for what I do, the reward of their success means so much more to me and no monetary value can be placed on that. I get my happiness when they have reached a happy point in their lives...In my own way, I am bringing them out of darkness.

It's crazy how I can go from fighting one day, to trying to stop the girls from fighting the next...But I guess that's what makes me successful with them...

No questions today...Just had to let that out...

Ride or Die

Ambitious had his birthday party Saturday night. It was very classy. At least that';s how it was planned...He threw it at his club and might I say, the boy knows how to entertain. He spared no expense. It was the event of the season...

My man is normally a rational thinker. He thinks before he acts or speaks. Few things trigger his bad side, and it is hard to make him upset, but once you do, you better run! That is the only time he loses his head. But he has to be provoked. Normally I am the one who gets into trouble, but this weekend, we had to ride together! I am his ride or die chic!

My man and I hosted the party so we were walking around, making sure all of the guests were having a good time. The party was by invitation only because it was so costly. It was elegant. Ambitious gave gifts to everyone. Not cheap gifts, VERY NICE gifts... The food was expensive as well. So with all the costs involved, he kept his guest list down to about 50 guests, and each invited guest was allowed to bring one guest with them so we estimated a crowd of about 100 people, give or take a few.

One of his friends brought two guests. Because Ambitious is such a nice person, he told his friend that it was okay, and he let both of her guests in since they were both already there. What did he do that for? My friend Green Eyes, who has always been jealous of Ambitious, was livid. He nearly blew a gasket ranting and raving about it. He wanted to bring 2 guests and Ambitious told him no from the start...We are used to it. He always has something to say about anything Ambitious does, so my circle of friends and I were really not surprised. But what happened next is what got me...

After about two or three minutes of him acting a fool, he was starting to settle down, but why did one of Ambitious' other friends come out of no where and push him into a wall. Actually he was Ambitious' cousin, and he was straight hood. A thug in high priced gear. He was dressed nicely, but he still had that street edge(so sexy). He had been watching the whole thing and said he couldn't take that dude messing up his cousin's party. Green Eyes, not to be out done, hit the dude back, and then it was one. Green Eyes was trying to get with him, but that dude was kicking my boy's a**!

My man and and Ambitious managed to break them up. Ambitious' cousin's girl(you follow me) was in the restroom the whole time. When she came out all she saw was that the music had stopped and my man was holding her man. She walked over to my man and scratched his neck from behind. WTF?

Now after Anger Management, a new dress, manicure, pedicure, and the works I was too flyy to be fighting, but seeing her scratch him unleashed something within me that I thought I had left behind. I grabbed her before I knew it. It was like everything that I learned disappeared at that moment, and I was back to my old self. Now I'm not one of those hair pulling, type of sistahs...I throw blows! I didn't let her get close enough to scratch or pull anything. The girl really didn't have any fight in her. I punched her a couple of times. Not enough to draw blood, but enough to let her know the she had scratched the wrong brotha! The first one was a right hook to the left eye, and it landed nicely if I do say so myself...It was over from there. She was down for the count, screaming and holding her bruised eye, so it was no need to keep hitting the girl. Her man didn't have any sympathy for her. He just stood over her saying, "I can't believe you just got your a** beat in front of all the people." To add insult to injury, he left her lying there. Ambitious helped her up. I even got her some ice from the bar. I felt sorry for her because he left her there like that. She was trying to help him. I had proven my point so it was no need to keep acting crazy. I am not an evil person, but you will respect me and my mate...

After all the commotion was over. The DJ cranked the music back up, and the party went on. Even in the craziest situations, I am still a class act... So as we were leaving, I offered to take her home. I didn't feel bad about kicking her a**. That was necessary. I just felt bad for her because her man had abandoned her around a group of strangers. She got her behind kicked for him...Was it worth it?

We dropped her off, and my man and I talked and laughed about the fight all the way home. We laughed at how my boy Green Eyes got his "hat brought to him". We couldn't help but laugh at the chic though. The mark that she left on his neck was not bad at all. It was just the principle. I doctored him up when we got home. Somehow by the time it was all over, his neck was the last thing on his mind.

I think my man gets a real kick out of seeing me get crazy for him. He says it turns him on to see me fight for him. Not some wicked cat fight over him, but I fight to let him know that I have his back if he needs me. He says it makes him love me even more.

So today he is treating me to an unexpected day of pampering at the full service salon that I go to. I can't wait...and to think, all I had to do was beat a little a** to get it. LOL!


Would you fight if your mate was in need of your help or would you try to reason with the person?

He's Back

He's back, but his friend didn't make it, so he is a little down . Most of my day will be spent with him. Giving him the opportunity to vent, or just holding him giving him the silent support that he has grown to love. He doesn't talk much when he's down, but I can tell by his movements exactly what he needs. When he lies on his back with one arm behind his head and the other resting on his chest, he just needs some time alone. He won't say it, but I just know. I know when he wants to be held, even when he is hungry...I know when he needs me. He tries to be a man and support me all the time, but I have to show him what being in love is all about. It's give and take. Right now he needs me, and I am there for him, in any way he needs me. He still hasn't slept much, which has me a little worried. I finally got him to eat something though, so that's a start.

Just when everything was going perfectly...All of sudden he has baby fever. I don't know if it's the weather or what, but he has been talking about it a lot lately. Now with his friend's passing, he keeps talking about how his friend didn't get the chance to leave his legacy on the world. We agreed that we would be married at least 3 years before we started thinking about a baby, but he is trying to change the plan...What to do? What to do? I love kids, I really do, but starting all over? I don't know if I can handle that type of pressure right now. Of course when I have the kid, he wants me to be a housewife. Not that I wouldn't mind being home all day while my man takes care of me, but the late night crying, feeding, changing...I don't miss it one bit. I also love the thought of making my own money. We are getting married in a couple of months, so I still have a little time to think. He can talk me into a lot of things but that is one thing that I refuse to be talked into. I'm the one who will have to have the child, quit my job, and put everything on hold...He says that we have the ideal household for a child to develop into a happy, healthy individual. I agree, but am I ready? I love him, but I can't help but be a little selfish on this one...

So, what do you think? Would you do it?

I Miss Him Already...

My man had to fly out of town early this morning. He has a friend in need. His friend was in a really bad car accident last night, and they don't expect him to live. My man went to make sure that his friend's family didn't need anything. He stayed up most of the night pacing the floor. He wanted me to go but I thought it best to stay behind. I don't do well with tragedy...He will be back tonight.

I got up fairly early to drop him off at the airport. When I got home I found a card and a single calla lilly on my pillow. How did it get there? He must have put it there while I was in the shower. We were rushing to get to the airport so I didn't pay much attention to it at all.

It was a blank card that had only one line written in it. It said...Just in case I forgot to tell you before I left, I love you. I don't know why that made me cry so much. I hear those words from him all the time...

I went into the kitchen, to get me a glass of juice, and on the juice container I saw a note. It said, I knew you would come here. Just wanted to let you know that someone, somewhere is thinking of you.

I left the kitchen after I finished my juice and went to open the curtains on the windows and what do I see, a little note, just for me. It says, As you catch the morning rays, think of me, because I am thinking of you. I love the sunlight in the morning...I had to smile, he knows me so well...

I went into my office to find a note on my laptop that said, I knew you'd be here. Probably most of the day while I'm away. So as you work, email, and type away, know that someone is missing you today. I love you.

I can't help but smile for the rest of the day. All this time I was worried about him. About what he is going through. About how he is feeling, and the whole time, he was thinking of me...and you wonder why I love him so much...

Why do I love him...

Not only because he loves me, but because of the way he makes me feel.

I love the way he makes me laugh.

I love the way he can go from sweet to street in a matter of seconds if he needs to...

I love the time that he spends with me.

I love the patience that he has with me.

I love the fact that no matter where we are, he makes me feel like I am the only person in the room.

I love the way we get lost in each other, every time we are together.

I love the way he seems to know me better than I know myself.

I love the feel of his body. The way it makes me feel safe. The way it fits me perfectly in every way.

I love the 5 ct diamond bracelet that he bought me last week...just because. It is beautiful! I know that was a little vain, but I had to slip that one in.

When you have a man that showers you with love, attention, time, honesty, and gifts and great sex...It's hard not to miss him. It's not the accident that made him sentimental, he is like this ALL THE TIME. I love the fact that his love is consistent, and not just a fly by night fantasy...We do things differently. For example, we really don't celebrate Holidays like everyone else because we believe that the person you love should know that you love them everyday, not just one special day of the year. We celebrate with friends and family. We have chosen in the future to give gifts on everyday except the holiday. Now I'm not saying that me kid won't get gifts at Christmas. I'm just saying that she will know that she is loved year-round and not just have to wait for one special day to get what she wants. We are boycotting "commercial love" and reinventing "true love".

I'll have to plan something nice for him when he gets back. He'll need it for sure. I feel a little bad about not going with him, and supporting him in his time of need...We talked about it and he understands my reasoning, but I still can't help but wonder if I am giving as much as I am taking. I would never want to do that to him because he gives so much...We'll have to talk about that when he gets back...

Do the people you love know that you love them? When was the last time you told them?

Your Mom Is Nuts!

Let me start by saying, I am a very patient person. I am understanding, and I normally get along with people very easily once I get to know them. There is one exception to the rule, my future mother-in-law.

We spent the holiday with his family. It was nice for the most part. But, I had a strange feeling. His mother followed me around the whole time...watching me...waiting for me to make one false move. This lady is nuts. She has had all of her sons to herself all this time, but now that he is getting married, she can't take it. She has basically planned my whole wedding, and we haven't even set a date. So we opted to get married on an island. We haven't chosen the place yet, we just know it will not be at home. She is going to lose it when she finds out after the fact...

At first I thought I was being paranoid. but my man saw it too. When I fixed my plate she made a comment about how I should be careful what I ate because I had to be sure I would look nice in my wedding dress. My man and I work out 3 days a week. What in the world was she talking about? When I walked around and mingled, she had to in on every conversation. She introduced me to all of her friends. It was really creepy. My Boo had been watching her the whole day as well. He said, "I hate to say this, but I think my mother is jealous of you." I had been thinking that already, but I didn't say anything about it. You know how men are when it comes to their mothers...

It's weird. It's like she's trying to make me into this perfect daughter-in-law when in fact, I'm not perfect. She is very snobbish. She brags about her sons all the time. Now that I am getting into the family, I guess she feels the need to fix me up so that I'll fit into her perfect family...It's not going to happen. I will never be what she wants me to be, and I won't try. I am who I am. Take it or leave it. I can see that we are going to butt heads quite often.

My man and I went and sat off to ourselves so that we could talk. She came right over and tried to get in on the conversation and we just stopped talking. She got upset because we didn't allow her to get in on it. She gave us the dirtiest look and walked away. This woman has some serious control issues. I am strong willed, and stubborn at times, so we might not get along AT ALL. I hate to go into a marriage disliking my mother-in-law but she needs to back off.

My mother and I went shopping Monday afternoon, and she came by my house for a little while afterwards. My man's mother called while my mom was there, and she brought her behind to my house. She had the most disturbed look on her face when she saw how much fun we were all having, laughing and talking to my mom. My mom and I are very close and I think she is looking for that type of relationship with me. I don't want that. I already have one mother. She turned around and left as quickly as she came.

I am to the point now where I won't even eat at her house. It's sad but I don't trust her at all. It's just something about her. She's a perfectionist and she wants everyone around her to fit into her perfect world. It's not going to happen. I don't fit in any puzzle. I am me and that's all I can be. I refuse to conform to make someone else happy.

I don't know what's wrong with this woman, but believe me, I have my eyes wide open. I try to stay one step ahead of her.

Have you ever had someone in your life that makes you feel strange? Like they have ulterior motives?

Is it Monday Already?

Friday: Friday night was my night out with the girls. We had a great time, that's all I'll say. ..no details. As the saying goes, What happens when the girl's are out, stays out!

Saturday: My man and I took my daughter and 2 of her friends to an Amusement Park. We had a blast! My daughter's dad and his fiance' came along as well. It was one big, awkward, happy, family. We had a good time, and the best part of it was, they took my child for another week. I love summertime! We went out Saturday night with a few of his co-workers and their wives/girlfriends. We had so much fun. I can tell that they get absolutely nothing done in the office by the stories they were telling us. We were laughing the whole time.

Sunday: We went to a function thrown by my friend Diva. It was linen party. Normally, Diva's functions are very classy. (Remember the Mother's Day Fashion show). Everyone was dressed to impress, I will say that..But it was a hot mess. I don't know who told my friend that he can sing, but he CAN'T. He opened up the evening singing a song that was definitely not in his vocal range ( I don't think there is a song out there in his vocal range). When he finished, there was dead silence. No applause, no Boos...just quiet. He was livid. We all just sat there like WTF was that? I was just happy it was over. I could see the rise in his attitude from that point on, and let's just say that the boy lived up to his name!

One of our Diva's friends sang a love ballad, and ripped it up. I was almost in tears by the time he finished. Tell me why Diva got mad. So mad that he really started trippin'. Yelling the caterer, being rude to his friends. Actually he had a reason to yell at the person catering the food. It was horrible. When Diva mentioned to the caterer that he was disappointed with the food, they started arguing so loud that they could be heard over the music and everything else going on in the party. The caterer had as much Diva-tude as my friend and he would not back down, and let's just say when you get too angry queens in one room, it's a disaster!

On another note...my boy just has to accept that talent is something that you are born with. It can't be bought, sold, or bartered. Either you've got it or you don't...Let's just say that singing is not in his genes... Even though he was not nasty with me, I was not feeling the attitude, so my man and I left the party. We went to his house and changed clothes, then we went out on his bike for a few hours. I love to ride. The wind relaxes me and I feel free. We ended up back at his place. We played a couple of games of "Strip" Pool...It's funny how all of the games my man and I play end up with me naked and him begging for mercy. As he says all the time...everything is better when you're naked. He is such a freak...

See, that wasn't so bad. A lot of fun, with a little drama sprinkled in.
So how was your weekend?