Your Kids...Your Decision
I had so much fun with my friend yesterday...staying in out of the 108 degree weather and staying cool...It's funny how times have changed. A few years ago we'd be out shopping or just enjoying the sites. Instead we ordered lunch in, complained about the gas prices, and talked about shopping this weekend.
I have some activities planned for my daughter and her two best friends today. I also invited 2 of my cousin's daughters. They called to talk to my daughter yesterday and asked if they could come over. Just because I am done with their mother doesn't mean the children have to suffer. I am in mommy mode today...Softspoken is coming over again. He is wonderful with kids. He loves being around them. He says it's their innocence that he likes. They are not judgmental and they are brutally honest. I think he's more excited about it than they are.
No one would know that my best friend is gay until he told them. He's not feminine at all. He's a very nice looking guy and he gets approached by several women, even though he rejects them. No one except the people in my close circle actually know. It's not that he's trying to hide it. It's just that it is something that no one really knows. He's rather shy and he just smiles when people talk to him.
My cousin is somewhat prejudice to gay men. She's not homophobic, but she has made a few comments that have made me want to slap the heck out of her... She feels that they are all the same. I wonder what my friend would think if I ever told him about some of the things she said. I am not the type of person that carries trouble from one person to the next. I am not a messenger... If someone says something to me that I know would hurt someone that I care about, I set them straight right then and there, and I leave it at that. But doesn't he have a right to know how she feels?
She made comments about how most gay men are flamboyant and they have to let the world know that they are gay, and she didn't want her kids around them. That is SOOO dumb. Her ignorant behind has no clue that the same man that has helped me with her kids so many times, is gay... My question is ...Since my cousin has a problem with gay men, should I tell her that my friend is gay and leave her daughters at home with her? Should I tell her that he is gay and give her the choice of whether or not she wants her kids around him? Me personally, I would want to know, but it wouldn't affect my opinion of the person. To me it has to be judged on an individual basis...It doesn't matter to me that my friend is gay. My child has been around him since she was born and she has never questioned me about it (except for that little episode at the store a few months back). To her, he is Uncle Softspoken and he can conquer the world...Just like straight men, he leaves his bedroom business in the bedroom! Why does my cousin feel like a gay man would corrupt her children? She is worse than any of the gay man I know!
I really don't want to talk to her at all. The girls told her yesterday while on the phone with my daughter what time we would be coming by to pick them up and she said they would be ready. I have nothing to say to her, but I don't know if I would just come out and tell her and get it over with...
What do you think?
I have some activities planned for my daughter and her two best friends today. I also invited 2 of my cousin's daughters. They called to talk to my daughter yesterday and asked if they could come over. Just because I am done with their mother doesn't mean the children have to suffer. I am in mommy mode today...Softspoken is coming over again. He is wonderful with kids. He loves being around them. He says it's their innocence that he likes. They are not judgmental and they are brutally honest. I think he's more excited about it than they are.
No one would know that my best friend is gay until he told them. He's not feminine at all. He's a very nice looking guy and he gets approached by several women, even though he rejects them. No one except the people in my close circle actually know. It's not that he's trying to hide it. It's just that it is something that no one really knows. He's rather shy and he just smiles when people talk to him.
My cousin is somewhat prejudice to gay men. She's not homophobic, but she has made a few comments that have made me want to slap the heck out of her... She feels that they are all the same. I wonder what my friend would think if I ever told him about some of the things she said. I am not the type of person that carries trouble from one person to the next. I am not a messenger... If someone says something to me that I know would hurt someone that I care about, I set them straight right then and there, and I leave it at that. But doesn't he have a right to know how she feels?
She made comments about how most gay men are flamboyant and they have to let the world know that they are gay, and she didn't want her kids around them. That is SOOO dumb. Her ignorant behind has no clue that the same man that has helped me with her kids so many times, is gay... My question is ...Since my cousin has a problem with gay men, should I tell her that my friend is gay and leave her daughters at home with her? Should I tell her that he is gay and give her the choice of whether or not she wants her kids around him? Me personally, I would want to know, but it wouldn't affect my opinion of the person. To me it has to be judged on an individual basis...It doesn't matter to me that my friend is gay. My child has been around him since she was born and she has never questioned me about it (except for that little episode at the store a few months back). To her, he is Uncle Softspoken and he can conquer the world...Just like straight men, he leaves his bedroom business in the bedroom! Why does my cousin feel like a gay man would corrupt her children? She is worse than any of the gay man I know!
I really don't want to talk to her at all. The girls told her yesterday while on the phone with my daughter what time we would be coming by to pick them up and she said they would be ready. I have nothing to say to her, but I don't know if I would just come out and tell her and get it over with...
What do you think?
posted by LUVIN ME @ 6:28 AM
15 Comments:
At 7:52 AM,
Ladynay said…
What would be the point of telling her? If his sexuality doesn't need to be brought up, then I wouldn't bring it up.
At 8:36 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@ladynay...True, but if she has already stated that she doesn't want her kids around gay men, wouldn't it be best to tell her. It will be her loss.
At 8:36 AM,
Msnhim said…
Why tell her and spoil the fun for her girls, you and soft spoken.
At 8:44 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@msnhim...True. I would hate to do that to her girls. Because their mother has "burned so many bridges", I am really the only one that will deal with them...
At 9:07 AM,
Freaky Deaky said…
That's a tough one. On one hand you said it yourself that you'd want to know but it wouldn't affect your opinion of the person. On the other hand it probably would affect your cousin's opinion of him.
Until a court says otherwise, your cousin has the right to raise her children however she sees fit. Even if it includes fostering opinions about certain people that you don't agree with.
You'd want your cousin to give you the same courtesy and keep your daughter away from people you thought were inappropriate, regardless of your cousin thinking they were good people, correct?
I don't have an answer for you. I'm just presenting things for you to consider. Besides full disclosure and treating your cousin the way you want to be treated, I kind of agree with Ladynay. What purpose does it serve to tell? It'll be interesting to find out what you decide to do.
At 9:21 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@freaky...The crazy thing is, I have so much to think about, and so little time to do so....
At 9:37 AM,
TTD said…
i wouldnt tell her.. u know when you open the lines of communication (about anything) she's going to assume that things are cool again.. he's not doing anything to harm her girls.. so there is no reason to bring it up to her
At 9:48 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@TTD...Good point.
At 10:30 AM,
@GaryTylone said…
Tell her after the girls come over and they have a whole lotta fun..once they go home and talk about how much they love Softspoken...then just say..." Oh..did you know he was gay" and leave.... Is that spiteful?...OK. You're not talking to her, so don't say nothin...she'll be aiight...some of their teachers might be gay...what she gon do?
At 10:41 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@Valentino...That's not spiteful at all...That sounds like a plan! I like the way you think...
At 12:48 PM,
Diggz said…
While I don't agree w/ ur cousin's opinions, from one parent to another I must say this: regardless of how sophomoric or moronic people's thoughts are. If they have stated, clearly!!!, that she doesn't want her kids around homosexuals, as their parent that's gotta be respected. Even if it means that these 2 girls miss out on pure innocent joy. Karma works in amazing ways, best believe this will come back to their mother in some fashion. She'll have to be the one to explain to those girls why they can't go w/ their cousin. Secondary to that, I don't think you should tell her that he's gay. His preference is none of her biz. I'd just say to her or communicate to her (since u guys aren't talking) that the girls can't go because u'll be around some people that she doesn't want her kids around and leave it at that.
It's def a hard situation and ignorance abounds it, but sometimes it's these situations that lead to people opening their eyes and minds to what the world is. It's 2006...some don't know.
One.
At 2:09 PM,
Ms.Honey said…
As you stated some of things that she does or might do are wayyy worse than being gay...to me that just goes to show that she has a one track mind. All gay men are not screaming I'm gay....in fact they are some of the most caring, sensative individuals and if they can't rub off on her children then she doesn't need to be around them herself
At 2:25 PM,
LUVIN ME said…
@diggz...Ignorant to say the least, but as the title of this post says...her kids...her decision...Thanks for stopping by.
@honey...I don't know what to say about her, but maybe this is for the best. I'm supposed to go pick them up in a n hour or so, so I'm still thinking of what to do...
At 5:46 PM,
fuzzy said…
Assuming that I haven't read the most recent post right before this one, I would advise you to tell your cousin the situation. Then i'd also inform her on how prejudice and pig-headed she is toward them by generalizing gay men. I wonder will prejudice ever go away...
At 7:00 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@fuzzy...I wish...
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