Cleaning Out My Closet...

I had a wonderful weekend! I needed the little get-away so badly, but it's back to business for now. We have something planned for tomorrow, but I'll blog about that later...


As the day grows nearer, your voice gets louder in my head.

Why couldn't it be me?

Then I realize, the voice is not in my head, you say it every time we talk.

I make final arrangements and get things together, and still, you call me.

All of the years of my life that I gave to you were still not enough.

The thought of me getting married drives you insane.

You have been the man who has had a say in my life all these years and now, your time is up.

Before we were lovers, we were friends.

You still call to talk to me about your problems and the good things that are going on in your
life. I just listen. I don't comment.

You complain because I never share what's going on in my life. I don't feel I have to.

You say that no relationship can be that good. He can't possibly be that good to me.

You say that he is going to hurt me one day. Just like all the rest.

I don't allow what you say to change how I feel about him because I know that you are speaking from a place that can no longer touch me..and you are jealous that he can touch me with a single word.

You want us to fail...You want to be in his shoes.

Our conversations are getting shorter because he takes up all my time.

You get angry because there is no us anymore.

Now it's just him and I, and your daughter, and you are on the outside looking in.

You had your chance to have a family but you chose to have fun instead....All at the expense of
me and your child.

I gave you chances, you made your choices...

Now he has the opportunity to do the one thing that you couldn't do, make me happy.

When you couldn't get in touch with me this weekend, you nearly lost your mind.

I could hear it in your voice. You pretended that my child needed me to get me to call, and when I called, she was fine.

You have lost your hold on me and you are heartbroken, but I can't think of that because now, I am happy.

I am finally able to look at you...talk to you...think of you...and know that my heart is with him.

All of my doubts and fears of us never being together again are gone.

I know he's the one for me.

No matter how many times you call...No matter how many times you tell me you are still in
love with me ...No matter how many times you beg me to take you back and try it again...I
can't do it.

I know what I have with him is rare. You can see it, and you want it so badly. But it could
never happen between you and I.



I am over you...and as soon as I can say all this to you face to face, I'll be fine.


Do you have some skeletons that you need to get rid of?

A Couple of Days Away From My Life...

My man has to attend an out of town conference today and tomorrow. He will be busy all day today and most of the day tomorrow. He'll fianlly be free tomorrow evening. His flight left about an hour ago but you know I'm not far behind. I'll be leaving this evening.

I can't wait...I'll have a long weekend in a hotel with the man I love without a care in the world...

I still have to pack for my pleasure weekend...He packed lightly so I'm sure we won't be going out too much...LOL!

So, do you have plans for the weekend?

What Do You See When You Look At Me?

My man had me so irritated yesterday. He was in a bad mood because of something that had happened at work and he brought that s*** home. Ugh!

I didn't say anything to him. I just let him walk around the house and throw his little temper tantrum for an hour or so. I was cooking dinner and he came to me and said,

"What Do You See When You Look At Me?"

Not knowing where this all came from or where it was going, I hesitated and thought for a moment. Did he want to know what I saw physically, or did he want to know what I saw beyond the looks?

After a short pause I said, "I see something wonderful when I look at you. I see a handsome man, who takes care of himself, to make sure he'll be around to take care of me for a long time. I see a man that is loving, kind, patient, loyal and honest. I see a man who has the ability to make me melt with just one word. I see a man who is sure of himself in every way...his religion, his career, his life. I see a man who is able to take charge of situations rather than wait for someone else to make all the decisions. When I look at you, I see love. What it has been to me, what is to me now, and what it will be in the future."

I could see him smiling from the inside out. Whatever he had on his mind didn't seem to matter as much. He started helping me with dinner.

Relationships are hard work! As much as I wanted to knock his head off I didn't. I just let him have his time and work his situation out on his own without interference. It's not that I didn't care about what was on his mind I just felt like if he wanted me to know, he would have told me. Sometimes situations are not there for me to fix.


What do you want people to see when they look at you?

Pushin' New Wheels...

I'm walking around, feeling like a million bucks! My weekend was relaxing and satisfying. Whew...just the thought of it makes me quiver and smile...I'm sexhausted and luvin' it!

I want a new car, but I have no idea what I want. That's my wedding gift from my parents. I'll have to make the payments of course but they are going to put the money down to get things started.

I'm looking for some ideas. I'm open for suggestions...

What cars/trucks/SUVs do you like?

Where is Her Head?

I knew it! I told her not to get back with him, but did she listen? No! She hasn't been back with him a whole week and she's already in the midst of some baby momma drama. What was she thinking. He has 2 kids outside of the marriage so that means twice the drama. She tries to rationalize the situation by saying, "But he's my husband." I tell her all the time," He stopped being your husband in his heart the first time he had unprotected sex with another woman. He didn't know what he was bringing home to you. But it looks like he brought home more than he bargained for...twice."

During the time that Angel and her husband were separated, he was living with one of his kid's mothers. Now that Angel has decided to take him back, his son's mother is not having it. She has been harassing him and my girl to the fullest.

It got out of hand yesterday. His son's mother came to my Angel's house and just parked her car outside. She kept calling their house. It was a mess.

Angel called me to pick the baby up because it was so much going on. When I got there, the girl was still parked outside with one of her friends sitting in the passenger's seat. I don't know who was crazier, his son's mother for parking outside of Angel's house or her friend for tagging along.

I got my god-daughter and got out of there. I wanted no parts of the drama. I am so sad that the poor baby was put into such a stressful situation. The world is crazy enough without adding crazy parents to the equation.

I'll do all I can for that little girl, but at the end of the day, she's not mine. I have to allow her mother to raise her, be it crazy or not. But when she is with me and my little family, she can have some peace.

So much for a day of rest, but I guess it comes with being a real friend to someone. Being there for the good, the bad, and the ugly.


Why do people insist on doing stupid things when the know better?

Why do people bring children into crazy situations? Kids only complicate bad situations...

Can the sex be THAT good?

Him Again...

I was talking to a friend of mine about love. She is in love, and she had to tell someone. You know that new, intense, getting to know you love.

The love I share with my man is much deeper, but I didn't steal her moment. I just smiled and listened because I knew she was happy if she even felt a portion of what I feel for my man.

As the cold weather approaches, the closer we become.

I enjoy the quiet evenings we spend, cuddled up together, doing nothing but feeling everything at the same time. I still have yet to wake up from this dream.

It has been a while since I have posted about him. He just gets better with time. Just when I think things with him can't get any better, he surprises me.

I fell in love with his smile...those dimples...his swagger...his personality...his intelligence. he seems to know something about everything, and if he doesn't know, he's eager to find out. He treats me like a woman. He is gentle with me and tries to protect me at all times, but he gives me enough room to be by own woman. He listens when I speak, even if it is something that I know he doesn't want to hear. He won't comment, but he hears what I have to say. The type of relationship that I have with him is one that I wished for years ago. He wants the same things that I want in life. I am able to plan ahead because we are on the same page. It's crazy how we're in sync and are able to agree on things with little discussion.

He told me yesterday that we are already becoming one... I allow him to be a man (that's not saying that he has control over me), but I give him the opportunity to lead the household because he knows how to take the responsibility without abusing it.

I am happy to do things for him because he puts forth so much effort to keep me happy. We go through things, just like any other couple, but it's how we are able to come through the situations that bring us closer.

When I do things that he doesn't agree with, he shows me what he likes, rather than become confrontational. I have learned through experience to do the same...

I make efforts to keep things spicy around the house ( I am a freak behind closed doors...so is he). It makes for some interesting days and nights...

I'm smiling as I am typing this post because it makes me think of him and what he'd be doing if he were here right now.

He would be all over me...just as he always is when my daughter's not home....and I love it!

I don't have any questions today...just thoughts of the man I love and how me he shows me, that he loves me just as much!

Annoyed...

Yesterday, we had a big dinner for all the volunteers, parents, and kids at the center where I work with the teen girls. Though it was nice, I noticed that I am annoyed by a lot of things lately...

People who tap me on my shoulder as they are calling my name to get my attention.

People who smack their food.

People who talk with their mouth full.

It annoys me to no end when I am having a conversation with someone and every time I say something, they have either done it, know someone who has done it, or they can do it better.

Talking to someone who is trying to use big words, but the words make no sense when they are grouped together (Insert blank stare).

A complete stranger whom I'll probably never see again asking to borrow a dollar.

Women who are dressed nice and their kids look like bums.

People who ask me where I bought something that I have on.

Guys who wear belts and suspenders....I mean, how much support could they possible need? One or the other please!

Women who wear shoes that they can' t walk in. If you can't work them, leave them alone.

People who wear a watch and ask me what time it is.

Women who wear clothes that they know shouldn't be worn before dark, to a family function.

People who complain about something that is FREE!

I'm sure I've said this before, but I'll mention it again...mohawks are not for everyone!

People who yell and curse at their kids instead of talking to them and the kid keeps doing what they where doing wrong in the first place. Obviously it's NOT working!

People who have NOTHING, but are so quick to talk bad about someone else.

People who can't control their bad a** kids!


What annoys you?

You Are On Your Own...

It's official. My girl is crazy. She just had a baby by her cheating husband, which she has not divorced yet. I don't know if it's post-partum depression or what, but she has totally lost her mind. For those of you that have been reading my blog for a while, you may remember the story of Angel. She was married to a man who had 2 children by two different women outside of their marriage that he didn't tell her about, along with countless other things.

She has decided that it would be best for the baby if they get back together. I am her friend, and I know I can't control what other adults do, but I wish she would stop being weak! She tried to tell me all the reasons why she should be with him and for every reason she gave me, I gave her two reason why she should not be with him. She says that she needs him in her life right now. There are people that are necessary in my life, hence my last post, but the people that I need are good to me. That man has given her so much grief, but she is willing to forgive all the hurt just so that she can have a family!

I had a headache after I finished talking to her. All of my friends are so upset. Number one, because she dragged us into the whole thing...Pulled a disappearing act and scared us all...We had to help her pick up the pieces when he was not around( paying bills, buying things for the baby, and just being there).

She said some really hurtful things. She called crying as soon as she got home. I didn't answer the phone. Not because I was upset with her, but because, this time I'm going to let her go through her mess alone. I guess she didn't learn her lesson the first time around. I will forgive her, but I will never forget.

I have decided that I will just let her learn for herself. I have given my two cents but her mind is made up. I thought Diva was going to hit her for a minute there....They were going back and forth and finally he said, "I'm just going to let you be stupid by yourself." For the first time, he had nothing else to say. None of us did. She walked out of my house in a huff, with her baby in tow.

I told her as she and my god-daughter were leaving, "I'll keep the guest room ready for you. Be careful how you treat people because you never know how soon you may need that person. "
She walked out, but we all know that she will be back.


Why do people insist on thinking with their heart rather than their head?

Necessary People

My work got the best of me yesterday (it's my fault), but I'm back!

Why do we desire companionship? Do you think it is natural to want other people around you, or do you think it depends on your personal preference? Who wakes up one morning in their right frame of mind and says, "I wish everyone would go away and never return?"

I know there are loners in the world, but at some point you have to desire some type of interaction with another person...don't you?

I enjoy being by myself at times, but I wouldn't want to be alone every waking moment. I feel that everyone NEEDS someone in their life. Whether it be their family or friends.

Although I could make it on my own, I love the fact that I have good people around me. Just think ...If someone that means so much to you was taken from you today, how would you cope?
I would be devastated...heck, I'd probably seek counseling. It's funny how we can go from normal to nothing in the blink of an eye...

I had a scare yesterday. I was supposed to pick Softspoken up from the airport. I got there, and his plane was delayed. I waited for him for over and hour. When his plane finally landed, he was nowhere to be found. I couldn't get a signal on my cell phone, so I called him from a pay phone. His phone kept going to the voice mail on the first ring. I started to get worried. I hate to panic so I sat down for a moment to gather my thoughts. I called my house to check my message...I knew if he couldn't get me on my cell, he would call my house. There was a message from him. "Where are you? I have been waiting on you! I can't believe you forgot about me!" Even though he was yelling( which is sooo not like him), I was happy to hear his voice. He left the gate number where he was. I was at the wrong gate, which was his fault because he had changed his flight but never called back to give me the new info! I finally found him and he explained what happened. I was so happy to see him that I couldn't even be mad at him. Even though the situation was not major, it still made me think...

Who do you feel is necessary in your life?

Plans

I started writing a post yesterday, but ended up in a horizontal tango, so that ended as quickly as it started...

I plan things. But my day never goes as planned...I guess when you have so much going on in your life, planning is not an option.

I planned to work for half a day, have lunch with my mom, and take my daughter to the arcade.

I ended up tumbling most of the afternoon with my man, going out to dinner with my little family, and tumbling all night... Did I get any work done? No. Am I going to pay for it today? Big Time!

Do you plan things, or do you just go with the flow? Does it work for you?

Don't Ask...

If you know you have issues, why ask other people if they recognize your issues? Get it together...

If you're needy, co-dependent, have low self esteem, and you let men walk all over you...Don't ask me why men treat you the way that they do.

If you eat junk food all day long and you don't work out, don't ask me why you're gaining weight.

If you have a bad attitude and you're rude...Don't ask me why you don't have any friends.

If you're always negative and you never see the brighter side of life, don't ask me why you attract negative people who love to start s*** all the time.

If you sleep with any and everyone in town, don't ask me why no one wants to marry you.

If you've had 3 abortions, don't ask my why you can't have kids now.

If you spend all your money frivolously, don't ask me why you don't have money when we all get together and hang out.

If you have kids by different fathers, don't ask me why your kids look nothing alike.

If you try to live above your means, don't ask me why you're struggling.

If you know you can't cook, don't ask me why no one wants to come to your house for a meal.

If you know you're cheap, don't ask me why you don't have expensive things.

If you call my house and I tell you that I'm spending quality time with my family, don't ask me if you can stop by.

If you see me walking briskly through the store with an armful of things, don't ask me why you'll get run over if you get in my way.

The lesson for the day...Don't Ask...


What are some stupid things that people ask you?

No Regrets...

I am in a sappy mood today. Must be the weather....


I remember the first day we met. He was with his boys. I was with my girl. He passed by my table, and I looked up for just a moment. We made eye contact. There was definitely an attraction, but I didn't think much of it.

One of his boys approached our table, interested in my friend. She liked him too. So they exchanged numbers. He came by just as we were finishing our meal. He said, "how are you ladies this evening?" I could tell he was nervous, but he kept it cool. After brief conversation he laid his card down on the table in front of me and walked away. He was cocky, but not conceited. Sure of himself...He was very good looking, but I have had several pretty boys in the past so that was not enough to hook me...Well the dimples got me a little bit...

I held onto his card, but I didn't call. Not because I didn't like him. Just because I knew that a man that gorgeous had to be trouble. I was in a good place, enjoying the single life, and I didn't want him to wreck my flow.

One evening out of the blue, he calls. He got my number from my girl that was now going out with his friend...After a long conversation, he invited me to a party that he and his friends were throwing. It was cool, and I had a ball. We danced most of the night. I left the party feeling good, but still scared to deal with him. He was too perfect...

After about a week of him calling and me never returning his calls, my girl calls me to see what's wrong. I told her how I felt and she told me to go for it. So I called him.

I could hear the surprise in his voice. I was skeptical...He invited me to his place. I was impressed, but still cautious. As I said before...too perfect. That night, I had sex with him. Good sex. He wanted me to stay, but I got up and left. After that, he saw that I wasn't looking for a relationship, and he became by sex buddy. I called him...he called me...and it was on.

One night, after we had both taken a shower, he sat down on the bed. My heart was pounding because morning was approaching fast and my daughter would be up soon. At the time, I had rules...He had to come over after she went to bed, and had to be gone before sunrise, but he was stretching them... He said, "why do we keep playing this game. I like you a lot, and I know you like me. I'm single and so are you. We're only sexing each other...so let's take it to another level. I promise you won't regret it." I was nervous for the most part, but I did it. Soon after that, he met my child and it's been an uphill journey since then. We have had a few obstacles, but we have made it thus far... I won't say that he is my soul mate. I don't even know that there is such a thing. But I do believe I found the person that was created for me...the dimpled smile still gets to me...

We are sitting here doing our regular morning routine. There is NO talking going on. I am not a morning person, and they know better...He's sitting across from me eating his breakfast. My daughter is at the other end of the table trying to get the prize out of the box of cereal even though she's not eating it(note to self...don't eat the Captain Crunch) and I am typing away on my laptop, drinking herbal tea. It's supposed to be a warm day today and we are all going out later this afternoon.

Moments like these make me cherish what I have. As I look at my child I realize that I made the right decision. Though I was young and scared and I had a big choice to make. I didn't have 2 nickels to rub together, but I chose to keep her. I look at those eyes staring back at me, and I'm glad I made the right choice.

He's looking at me as I am staring at my child, as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking. He reaches for my hand. He strokes my palm gently before he kisses my hand.

I have been through so much with men...and life in general. I am in a good place. My bills are paid, and I am happy. I've made some big decisions in my life, and they have worked out good for me.

I chose to bring my child into this world...I chose to work my way up, and go out on the limb for a better job...I chose to buy a home...I chose to finally trust what a man told me...I'm glad I did!


What decision(s) have you made in your life (even though they may have been hard) that you don't regret...

The Blank Stare....

The chic made it to the session with the teen girls, and she actually enjoyed it. She says that she would like to come back next week. She has a long way to go to broaden that narrow mind of hers, but I see a little progress...


The blank stare is my thing. It has so many uses in my life. But for the most part, I use it when people say or do stupid s***! I don't say anything...I just sit there with a lost look on my face because words could not express what is going through my head at that moment. To me it's hilarious because people have no clue of what I'm thinking and they keep trying to explain further, to see if the look will go away. Or they just look at my life I'm crazy, and I burst into a fit of laughter. It's versatile. It can mean anything from huh to shut the h*ll up!

The latest instances of the blank stare...

I was at the health food store and I asked the lady working behind the counter if they sell honey that was made locally. ( My mother taught me the trick a long time ago. If you use honey that was made in your area, it decreases your chance of experiencing the symptoms...watery eyes, runny nose, itchy throat...It really works!) So when I ask her she says," I'm sorry, we only have honey that was made in Dallas, we don't have any local honey." (Insert blank stare)

My man and I went to a local seafood restaurant and since space is limited the parking there is "valet only". We get out of the car and my man hands the valet the keys and the valet says , "would you like me to park your car sir?" (Insert blank stare)

I was at the mall shopping for my god-daughter and the lady working in the store asks if I need any help. I tell her no, and continue perusing the store. She then makes a comment, "you don't like you just had an infant." I say, "I didn't." Then she says, "then why are you buying baby clothes." (Insert blank stare...as I turn to walk out the store.)

I was at church and the lady next to me comments on my outfit. Being that I was in my zone, I thanked her, and continued with my praise. She keeps talking...(Insert blank stare)

I had to go into the office yesterday, and one of the ladies in the office was trying to fill me in on the latest gossip. (Insert blank stare) I could care less what happens there.

I was at the grocery store paying for my things and the cashier gives me a sly grin as he is ringing them up. Then he starts with the small talk. What's a pretty lady like you doing in the grocery store? I didn't get it. Are ugly people the only people that get hungry. (Insert blank stare)

Diva invited me out to lunch and he says, after we finished our meal. Girl, I forgot to tell you, I'm broke as a joke today. Can you get this one? (Insert blank stare)

A lady is in the line at the store in front of me. She has four small kids and she is counting change to pay for her food. She looked tired and worn. After she has emptied her purse and pockets, she realized that she doesn't have enough to pay for the few things, and she starts picking things to put back. The gum popping cashier is annoyed and she was being so rude to the lady. When I finally realize what is going, I gave the lady the money she needed to pay for her things. After the cashier rings up my things she says. "There are just not enough nice people in this world." (Insert blank stare)

While I was walking out the store, I notice that the lady and her four kids are walking towards the bus stop at the end of the parking lot. I normally park far away from the store and other cars so that I won't return to my car and have a dented surprise. I notice a fast food joint next to the bus stop. I drive up to the lady and tell her to meet me inside. I told her and her kids to get whatever they wanted, and paid for the food and left. She sat at the table with her grocery bags and kids in tow, and cried as she thanked me for helping them. To this day, I don't know her name, but I'm glad that I could make her and her kids happy, if only for a moment.

What is your thing? What do you do that annoys people or makes them laugh?

Girl, Sit Your Hot A** Down!

My best friend has a small problem that he told me about a few days ago....There is a young lady in his office that is infatuated with him. She is a secretary for him and two other guys. He says that she makes subtle gestures, and she always takes a little extra time with the things he asks her to do. She has worked for him for a few months now, and lately she has been a little over the top. He appreciates her efforts, but he doesn't know what her motive is.

Softspoken is a very nice person. He treats everyone with respect, and he doesn't like to hurt people's feelings if he can help it. He says that her blouses have been getting lower and her skirts have been getting shorter. She makes an effort to be seen but he says, she does absolutely nothing for him. He said that his colleges are always talking about her because she is very attractive, but he never really comments. They all notice the way that she is around him...If it were one of them, they would have been on her months ago. He is a gentleman and I think that's what she likes.

The fact is, no one at his job knows that he's gay. He says that he's not ashamed, he has just chosen to keep his business and personal life separate. He doesn't know what to do in this situation, so he called me...Normally it's the other way around.

He has worked hard to get to this new job...So I told him, "if telling her you're gay will in anyway affect you at work, other than having a disappointed secretary, then keep it to yourself and tell her you're not interested. If she can't handle rejection and starts a problem for you at work, then find a new secretary." That's all I have...

Any suggestions?

Why do some people work so hard to be seen by others? I never go after guys, even if I think they are attractive...I like the chase....I like for them to come to me.

I'm Growing...

The older I get, the more I realize that I could care less what people think of me, say to me, or even do to me. Things that used to get to me down don't phase me in the same way...

My friends say that I'm "funny-acting" at times, because I don't take to everyone. If I don't have much in common with a person, I'm not going to sit there and talk to them for the sake of conversation. I prefer to be quiet and listen to people anyway.

Yesterday, my friends came over and I cooked dinner for the crew. Why is it that when I invite these people to my house, someone always has to bring someone new? Now I am not against meeting new people, but dang, can't you warn a sistah first? Especially if I have to feed them...

Ambitious brought this chic and her friend. They go to his club frequently. She was a tad bit "snooty" for my liking. She looked, acted, and even smelled of money, from her car down to her shoes...She came in the door commenting on everything around my house. When it comes to something that I like, I spare no expense. My friends call my house the museum because I collect rare pieces of art and I buy things that catch my eye and I display the pieces in such a way that gives them life. I love to support up and coming artists. I appreciate these things, but I don't like clutter. I have the space to display them tastefully...She knew a little about a few of the pieces but did she have to touch everything when she commented? She was walking her friend around acting like she was my personal docent. She got just a little too comfy in my space. Her friend was following behind her like a flunky.

After their tour, they took a seat with the rest of us (by now I am ticked because she was rude), but I am working on me...So still I said nothing.

We had dinner and they all fixed drinks...Even though I don't drink(with the exception of my island vacation) I keep a little something around for my friends...all of them drink.

Normally this is when things start to get crazy in my circle...Alcohol makes people say what they think, and this time was no exception...Green Eyes starts to question the girls. He asks where they are from, what they do for a living...He's a walking interviewer. He does this to everyone, but we are used to him. He lets up off of them for a while, and everyone wants to know how my teen girls are doing. I tell them about some of my plans and they give their input. They all pitch in to help me with the activities that I plan for them. We are taking them to the State Fair next week and they are all coming to help supervise and well as help out financially with the girls who have nothing, to make sure that they all have a good time.

I guess this sparked an interest in one of the chics because, the more dominant of the pair starts in with a line of questioning of her own. But the questions are directed at me. She says, "who died and left you this house because I know that we can't afford a house in this neighborhood." I gave her an evil glare. I said, "First of all, it's that type of mentality that keeps us from being where we need to be." I shook my head in disgust. She said. "You talk about what you do for the "girls in the hood" ( that reference made me even angrier), but if you live nowhere near the hood, so how can you help them?" I said to her, "the whole point is to get them out of their environment so they can see that there is more to life than what they see everyday." She said, "so you think by going in giving them motivational speeches on a weekly basis and taking them on a few rides is going to change these girls. They are rotten to the core. They were born in the hood, and they'll die in the hood. Being nothing. Just like their mothers before them, and so on..." By now I was livid! I hated the fact that she was trying to belittle me and my efforts and put down these girls at the same time. In this world there are the haves and the have nots. She definitely had everything, but I could still see an emptiness hiding behind her words and her money...

I stayed calm. Now this is the point where intelligence had to outweigh ignorance or the whole conversation is in vain. I shut her up without raising my voice, I just let the facts speak for themselves. People mindlessly degrade others without taking a look in the mirror. I know that we were born into privilege. I have two wonderful parents who worked very hard to provide for my brother and I, and growing up I got everything that I needed and most of the things that I wanted. She comes from a long line of money makers... Is it wrong for me to want the best for girls who didn't have the same? I know that I can't give them the world, but I give them what I have...me. My time...my heart...my resources. The main thing that they need is someone to care.

Even though this b**** was rude and she was about 10 steps across the line, I invited her to step off her mighty horse come and see what I was talking about. She as well as my other friends are coming to my weekly session with the girls. I can't save the world, but I can help break the cycle...one ignorant a** person at a time...

This whole situation is evidence of the changes taking place in my life. Instead of being confrontational( which my friends expected), I used my knowledge to get my point across. I may have even found another financial supporter for my efforts. Until she sees and knows what it going on, she can't speak on it. If she walks out of there and doesn't feel at least an ounce of compassion, then she is heartless. These girls are not lost, they are just confused.

Do you see evidence of growth and change in your life?

I Just Want My Friend Back...

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers....

My man's mother went home Saturday. Thank the Lord that she is okay. The doctor said that she was just suffering from exhaustion and hypertension. They ran test after test, and didn't find anything wrong with any of her vital organs, but everything was out of whack. After a few days of complete bed rest, she was telling up people what to do again. She still has to go for two follow-up visits with a specialist, but for the most part, she seems okay. We are still looking out for her and praying.

It felt good for my man to be back in his comfort zone on Sunday. After we visited his mother at home, and then stopped by my parent's house for dinner, we went to the lake. Yesterday was a beautiful day. He opened up and talked to me about what he had been feeling, and I was relieved. I only had one complaint in the whole matter. I explained to him that when things happen, he can't just shut down and not let me know what's going on with him. I can't help when I don't know. He agreed to work on it. We'll see. Actions speak volumes...

He definitely has his appetite back. My mom said she was surprised he didn't eat her plate. He was not playin' with that food! LOL. We stopped by and he ate again after we left the lake...That man is something else...

After we got home, he sang to me...We danced...We started watching Love Jones(I love that movie) , and fell asleep before the end...Laying back on the couch...my head on his chest...Him holding me tight...It was a recipe for intimacy...

I am happy to have the man that I deserve in my life. A man that loves me and cares for me, in the midst of it all. I know there is a lot of temptation out there, but he continually brings it home to me...Love...compassion...honesty(even when I really don't want to hear the truth). He is real. Not a dream, because he has his flaws, but he helps me to understand him just as I help him to understand me. I have to be open and willing to except the good with bad...It's really good to have someone that you can rely on. If I call on him, he answers...When I need him, he's there. I give him the same thing in return.

It's wonderful when a person can look past everything, and see you for who you are, and love you...from your soul. He loves the person that I am, and the person that I am striving to be. He supports my dreams...

Here I was getting frustrated, trying to figure out how to be there for him and in his mind, he realized what he was doing without me having to say a word. He apologized for how he had been acting even though I understood completely. If there was something going on with my mom I would be the same way...For the first time in a long time, we prayed together. Prayer is a powerful thing...

I hope all of you that are looking for true love find it...and for those of you that are not looking, I who it jumps out and grabs you. Love is the greatest gift that I have been given thus far. From my family...my friends...and from a man that I love so much in return.


So, how is your love life?