Just Returning the Favor

I am spoiled...To the point of no return. But yesterday, I had a reality check. Over the past couple of weeks I have been doing little to nothing for myself. My man has done it all. I just posted yesterday about people taking advantage of good people, then I realized, I was the pot calling the kettle black...

I called him yesterday, and the first thing he said was, "Is everything okay babe? You need me to stop and do something on my way to your house?" I felt terrible. Did he think the only reason I call him is when I need something? So in turn I said, "No babe, I was calling to see if you needed me"...and he replied..."Always."

So I went out and got all of his favorite things to eat...including cheesecake. I pulled out all of his favorite movies and music. I cooked dinner, lit some candles, and dolled myself up, taking extra time to lift here and tuck there, and set the table for two. I set up a little treasure hunt, and I was the prize at the end. My outfit left little for the imagination, and he was pleased. It was a lot of fun.

He came straight over after work. His eyes lit up when he saw all the trouble that I had gone through for him. We ate, and then he took a shower.

He got out dripping wet, and showed me how much he apprieciated what I had done. He showed me over and over again, all over the house... I love that man!

I'm not done yet. I plan to show him how much I love him all weekend...I have a few more freaky things planned...

Are you into role-playing during sex?

What types of things do you do to spice up your sexual experiences?

Not Today!

It's a conspiracy. I think everyone I know with issues got a memo that I was getting pampered yesterday. They think I'm crazy, but no Ms. Luvin's not crazy, she just does what she has to do to take care of herself. I have had a lot of drama going on in the background that I haven't been blogging about, but believe me, it's there.

After being pampered all afternoon, I was in no mood for other people's s***. So to make a long story short, the thought for the day was, I don't care today!

I am a giving friend...Always giving of myself freely, but yesterday I was just not feeling it. My friend with the girl and the boy toy came by my house yesterday, and was trying to tell me about how his situation was working out, and you know what I said...I don't care today! Not with attitude. Just simple words. I was so relaxed and at peace with myself that I refused to allow any negative energy into my space. He gave me a look of both shock and disgust. He tried to start a little something with me. I was not going to let that happen. As he ranted and raved, I just looked at him and continued to chant, I don't care, I don't care,! It felt so good to say those words, because that is one thing that I never say to my friends. I am always the listening ear and the shoulder to lean on. But, yesterday was just not the day! I was enjoying my man and nothing was going to get in the way of that. He took his sob story and exited as fast as he entered. One down, many more to go....

Soon after he left, my cousin called. She needed a babysitter. She started telling me about how her mother had told her she would keep them, but then she changed her mind. This is how the rest of the conversation went...

Cousin: Hey Girl.
Me(In the driest tone I could muster) : What's up?
Cousin: Don't sound so happy when you talk to me .
Me(annoyed because I knew she was beating around the bush) :Okay
Cousin:What's wrong with you?
Me: Nothing. Just enjoying my day without my child (hint...hint)
Cousin: Oh, I didn't know she wasn't' there.
Me: Yep. She's with her dad.
Cousin: Well, since you are not doing anything can you watch my kids for me for a couple of hours?
Me ( in no mood to debate the fact that just because my child was gone, that she felt I had nothing to do for myself....just selfish I tell you): No, not today?
Cousin: (Whining) You know I don't have anybody else.
Me: Sorry, no can do.
Cousin: Fine, I'll just have toy change my plans.
Me: Okay girl, I'll talk to you later.
Cousin: I can't believe you are going to do me like this.
Me (the words finally came): I don't care.
Cousin(sitting on the phone for a moment in stunned silence): Okay.

...And that was the end of that.

Then came Diva...

To sum it all up, his friend is acting up and he wanted some advice. But once again, I had to give him the brush off. I wasn't as harsh with him though. I just told him that I was taking a day off from drama and spending time with my man. He looked at both of us. He was pissed because I didn't want to hear what he had to say. It's not that I didn't want to hear him out. It's just that I wanted him to come back another day....Now if you walk in the house, and you see atwo people walking around in their robes late in the afternoon with candles burning, and music playing, don't sit down, don't ask questions, just get the heck out of there. By the way we were looking you could tell that we either had just finished doing something and we were working on something else, or something was about to go down. Either way, we were trying to get him out of there. I just politely told him that I would call him later, and he left. He was angry, but guess what, I didn't care.

One of my man's brothers stopped by... And YES he is almost as fine as my man. They look just alike. He had been calling my man, but had the phones turned off. My man's bougie mother had sent his brother to look for him. My man didn't leave to go see her or call her because it wasn't an emergency. She just wanted to talk to him because she hadn't talked to him all day. He told his brother to tell his mom that he would call her tomorrow. His brother sighted. I know she is going to be ticked off. she always is when it comes to me. I am the ONLY person that he will put his mother on hold for. He left, and my man's mom called a few times during the course of the evening, but we didn't answer. I'm sure she'll have a few choice words for both of us, and believe me, I'll have a little something waiting on her too. I have to stand my ground with her now, before I am in the family! I don't disrespect her, I just tell her how I feel and move on.

We got a couple more visits, but I didn't answer the door...they'll all come back with their problems later... The doctor was OUT yesterday!

This morning, I am relaxed, and I feel great. I am sure they will all be little salty about my attitude yesterday, but they have to learn that MY time is MY time, and now that I am in a relationship, when he requires my time, he comes first( other than my child of course). I am not giving out any explanations as to why I behaved the way I did. I don't think it's necessary. I'll just hear to what they have to say, give me two cents, and send them on their way. Hearing what they say, but not really listening to it all. Today I am like a rubber ball. I'm not allowing any negativity to permeate my brain. I'm sure the responses from my friends will be another post all together.

Don't you hate it when people take your kindness for weakness?

Don't you hate it when people are selfish and feel like you should always be there for them, despite the fact that they are rarely any help to you in your time of need?

Don't you just love taking the time to say, I don't care?

Not Much Going On In My World

I made it through the evening drama free! I went to visit my friend that was in the hospital. All I will say is, she is out of the hospital and is doing so much better now. Thank the Lord...and thanks to all the well wishers and people praying for her!

I don't have much to talk about today. My man had to take off work to handle some business so I will be spending the day with my favorite guy (later this afternoon of course). He is going to pamper me today. I won't have to life a finger! I can't wait! Gotta love that man.

So what's on your agenda for the day?

Stop Running and Man Up!

Yesterday I was walking around, feeling loved and all...

Well, the s*** hit the fan for my boy yesterday. (I call him a boy toy because he allows my friend to play with him when he wants to, and put him aside when he doesn't)...His boy toy called his house (because my friend would not return his calls) and his girlfriend answered. My friend was not at home at the time. They met for lunch yesterday, and both of them told their side of the story. Then, my friend's girlfriend called him and asked him to meet her. Little did he know that when he got there his boy toy was waiting in the bathroom to further expose their little secret. He came out and he asked how the managed to put it all together and they told him. He then told them his side of the story. He told them that he loved them BOTH but he wanted to be with his woman.

He came by my house in shambles and told me the whole story. I didn't start with the "I told you so's". I hate that. I just gave him a look that said, "That's what your crazy a** gets for trying to deceive people." I listened. He cried. I love him as a friend, but I did not feel sorry for him as a person. What he did was unfair and people got hurt because of his actions. He said that he loves his girl, and wants to stay with her. He says that he and his boy toy are finished because he had no business calling his house. The crazy part about this whole situation is, THEY BOTH STILL WANT HIS A**! The boy toy called his cell phone non-stop while he was at my place.

My friend asked for my opinion, and I gave it to him! I told him I think she is nuts if she stays with him! If my man came to me and told me that he had been secretly having a relationship with a man, I would always feel in the back of my mind that he would always desire a man, and I would leave him alone! I understand love, but this is not love, this is crazy!

I also told him, I think the boy toy is nuts too! My friend told the boy toy that he wants to stay with his woman and his boy toy still wants him. He keeps calling and practically begging my friend to reconsider his decision. I think they all need to let it go and walk away from this thing! I told my friend to consider being by himself for a while and sorting out his own issues. He needs to stop running from the truth! I hope he listens, but I know you can't make people do anything. I can just advise him as a friend, love him, and let him live his life, no matter how twisted I think it is.



I think they should all walk away from this twisted love triangle! I'm just glad it's all over and everyone knows the truth. Actually I'm sure it's far from over... This is like some real life TV movie!

The combination of sleep deprivation over the weekend and drama made me sleep like a baby.

Today I won't be taking any calls or pop up visits from anyone. I am in drama-free mode. I'm going to do a little shopping therapy by myself later this afternoon...My man said that he could see that I was stressed...He bought me shoes and gave me a little something to find an outfit to match. Just one more reason why I love that man. He knows me...

What do you think about this whole thing?

Have you ever been put in twisted situation?

No Substitute For A Good Man

I am really feeling these biker boys. They are so much fun to hang out with. I got a total of about 5 hours of sleep over a three day period, so I am draggin' a little this morning...

Those of you that read my blog often know that I speak fondly of my man. Just when I thought he couldn't get any better, he does something to prove me wrong. He's the type of person that will give the cashier the money back when he's gotten too much change back...You know...Just a good guy.

You would think that, after you spend so much time around a person you know just about everything about them, but I am learning new things everyday. Good things. I never get tired of being around him. I love the fact that he doesn't smother me...He gives me the opportunity to be me...To have my own time, and my own space. It just makes me want to be around him more! The more I make love to him, the more he wants me...I won't be cliche' and say that my man is my soul mate, because I don't know if there is a such thing. But I will say this...I have never loved a man in this way. I love this man with my soul. I love the way he looks... feels... smells... speaks... thinks...The way that he treats me( he can go from treating me like a delicate flower one minute to bending me over and taking it from behind the next)...I love the way he pays attention to the smallest things. I love the way we end each argument with a smile, because we agree to disagree. I could go on, but I'll stop.

A love like this comes only once in a lifetime, and I will cherish it. You don't know love until you've had the chance to appreciate love, and to have the love that you give a person reciprocated tenfold.

I know that he loves me in return. It's not because of the diamond on my left hand, but rather the diamond our love has formed in out hearts...He shows me that nothing can come between us, even though we are tested almost EVERYDAY! We were talking yesterday about how people are out there looking for diamonds, but they forget that the must first start with a lump of coal. Just like coal, the relationship starts out new and raw. From the outside it's not very appealing, but you know what awaits...you know what you have and what you are expecting, but the process takes time and cultivation. I am glad that I have my diamond now...It's rare to find someone that you can talk to,laugh with and cry with, about anything. My man has now become my best friend. He hasn't taken Softpoken's place, he has formed a new place for himself.

I've learned that if you feel something for a person, you should tell them. So not only did I tell him, I'm telling you, I love my man. Whole-heartedly...and I will love him as much as I can, for as long as I can.

What gives you joy? For me it's my child, my man, and my family....Maybe it's a hobby, or a friend for you? Do tell...

Who Are They?

People often say to me...You know what they say? Could someone please tell me who they are and how they became experts on everything in life?

I'm glad I don't listen to what they say. If it were up to them, I'd be a lonely, bitter woman.

Who do you think they are? Your friends...family...society as a whole? I need a little help with this one.

Also...

The s*** finally hit the fan with my friend who has the girlfriend and he has a boy toy on the side. He went with us to Jamaica, and he decided at the last minute that he wanted to take his girl with him, which cost him a pretty penny! His boy toy really wanted to go so he was very upset when he found out. My friend lives with his girlfriend. Tell me why his boy toy showed up at their doorstep while my friend was at work? He didn't tell her what was up, but she has her suspicions. She called him all day at work so he didn't go home. Now my friend is going crazy because he is going to lose him woman. Why can't he just tell he the truth and get it over with. I wouldn't be so stressed about someone else's situation but, when things go down for my friends, they always run to me. He stayed at my house last night to get away from both of them. His girl thinks he is with his boy toy and vice versa. This mess has gotten out of hand. I love my friend to death, and I am scared for him. You can't play with people's hearts. I hope he fixes this mess before it gets too crazy...and I wish he would get this craziness away from me!

Who do you think will be hurt the most because of this situation? Why do you think so?

It's Time For Letting Go....

In my quest to further better myself and grow, there are past feelings that I must set free. My experiences enhance my character. They make me a better me...So instead of being sad for myself, I am happy that I was able to overcome. Well, here goes...

I was the typical upper middle class teen. Living in the burbs. Getting whatever I wanted. My parents were hard working, and my brother and I reaped the benefits. When I was 16, my mother took on a management position that forced her to travel for most of that year. So my father, my brother, and I had to hold down the fort while she was away.

My mother was one of those parents who didn't like for their kids to be away from home. Hence the reason she always told us to invite other kids to our house rather that us going to their house. Spring Break was the best, after I got my first car of course. It was my sophomore year, and my friends and I had planned a trip to South Padre Island. I had one friend who was from Corpus, so we would be staying there for two days, before going on to Padre. A week before my trip, my mother starts to panic. She says. I really don't want you to go. I have a bad feeling about this whole trip. My father was on my side. He wanted us to explore and learn about the world around us. Besides, the trip was already paid for, and I was so excited. My mother had to leave going out of own the next day, and she strictly forbade me to go. My father on the other hand knew how badly I wanted to go, but he agreed with my mother. So...I was trapped. So they thought...

Me, being the rebel that I was, went on the trip anyway. If I would have known then what I know now, I would have listened to my mother.

There were two vans and my friend Miles had just gotten a new SUV, so he was determined to drive it even though his dad told him not to. His parents were on vacation. So with the three vehicles in tow, we headed on our way to Padre. I was nervous the whole week. I thought for sure that my dad would come and get me, but he didn't. I later found out that he didn't come because he said he knew where I was because we were just alike. Nothing could keep him from doing something that he wanted to do. We had an amazing trip.

Miles' parents were still out of town and didn't know that he had driven his new car so we left early to ensure that he would beat them home. We had partied all night and were all tired.

We are riding along. Mark was leading the pack in his SUV. Then my friend Cameron (he was 19 at the time) was driving the first van ( in which I and 8 other people were passengers) and my friend Devin(he was 19 also) was driving the other, which held 10 people as well. We were driving on a narrow bridge through Corpus. The sun had barely began to show itself for the day, and then it happens. All of a sudden, we saw Mark swerving ahead of us. We were going about 90 MPH. We blew the horn, but it didn't help. Miles hit the wall full speed and was then was thrown into our vehicle, which threw us into the wall on the other side, which we in turn caused the third van to hit the wall as well. The SUV flipped over three times after hitting the wall and we landed on its side. The front of the third van was smashed. We all fought to get out of the vehicle's...those of us who had made it through.

That was my first time seeing someone die. We ran to the SUV first. Two of my friends had been ejected out of it in the process, and were laying still on the highway. Miles was trapped in his seat we couldn't pull him out. Both people on the passenger side were lying in the street. We managed to pull the passenger that was behind Mark out of the SUV. He later died because he was bleeding internally.

Soon came the sirens and flashing lights, spectators, and people trying to lend a helping hand. I was numb. I didn't know what to feel at that point. Sad for my friends, hurt from my injuries, or fear.

There was an array of scars and broken bones, but the most horrific detail that will stay etched in my mind forever, is the one last moment that I saw my friend Ana. She was pleading for us to help her...save her...but it was no use. She was the front passenger in the third van. Somehow, she was trapped between the dashboard, and the motor. She had long, black hair. Her hair was caught in the engine fan, which had never stopped turning. When they finally got to the point where they could get her out, it was too late. Her body was in shock. The pressure of the van had kept her alive all that time. When they cut her hair out of the fan, and lifted the metal off of her, she died instantly.

We were all taken to the hospital... A few hours later my dad arrived. He was so happy that I was okay. He didn't say a word. he just hugged me and cried. An hour after he came, my mother made it. I will never forget the look on her face. It was one of both hurt and relief. Happy that her child had survived...happy that she had the chance to see me again...upset that I had disobeyed her. As a mother I can only imagine what they both felt...

My parents really didn't have to punish me after that point. My experience was punishment enough. For a while, I wouldn't leave the house. I was happy to be in my safe haven. I had no desire to have fun for quite some time.

When I finally decided to leave, my parents became nervous wrecks. They called my constantly and nearly drove me crazy. This is one of the reasons that I left home and went to live on my own at an early age. My parents were never the same after that day and I couldn't take being trapped in that house! Even though I knew why they acted the way the did. I couldn't let it stop me from living my life and moving on past the whole thing.

Even when I moved out, I still listened to my parents. My whole experience brought a new meaning to the phrase Mother Knows Best.

no questions today. I just needed to get that off of my chest. Relax, Relate, Release....

It's Drama Time Again

Lately, I have been writing fairly positive posts. Not because I didn't have any drama going on in my life, but because I just chose to let it go and take some time for myself(hence the main reason for my vacation). But today, I have to let it out.

My mother told me that when things seem too good to be true, they usually are. Well, my love life being the only exception to the rule...I saw Tucker for the second time, in a long time on Monday afternoon. We were attending an investment meeting, and he was there also. He watched me the whole time. ( I talked about him in my April 24th edition of Luvin Me's saga titled He Is Trippin')

I knew the calls would start again...the flowers would come...the "pop up" trips to my house. He has called my cell phone 42 times in 2 days. Is that crazy or what? I just wish he would disappear. I have never wanted anyone to love me that much...not enough to stalk me. I can understand wanting a person. But how can you want someone so badly, who doesn't want you back?

I have several other things going on in my life, but I'm too exhausted this morning to post about them. There will be more on that in the week to come...

Have you ever had a stalker?

To Spank or Not To Spank...

and no this is not kinky people...

I think that all kids need some form of discipline. Without it, you can't control them. My man caught my daughter doing something a few weeks back, and got onto her about it. I was in the kitchen, and they were outside by the pool. She was running close to the pool and he asked her to stop, but she stopped on "her time", not right when he asked. She is getting to an age where she is starting to test me a little more. A few minutes later, she was running again.

I saw and heard the whole things. I called my daughter into the house, and took care of business. My man was sort of irritated because I didn't let him handle the situation. He said that he could have taken care of it. My daughter is the type of child that will cry if you yell at her, so he said that all he had to do was raise his voice and she would have done what he asked. I on the other hand, was trying to help him out, but I guess in all actually, he really didn't need any help with this one.

As the mother of a daughter, I have a problem with a man, that is not her father, hitting my little girl. I don't mind him talking to her, and telling her right from wrong...I just don't think he should hit her. Husband or not. My man agrees with this completely. He is such a softy when it comes to me or my daughter. If he tells me something that she has done wrong, I know and trust him enough to know that he is telling me the truth, so I'll get on her ASAP...I want to form a united front when it comes to discipline in the household, but I still have a problem with a man hitting my kid. Plus, her dad is a FOOL and a half. He would come un-glued if I did allow my man to spank her.

Do you feel like step-parents should be allowed to spank children?

Do you feel it is a different situation depending on if the child is a girl or boy?

What are your thoughts on discipline?

100 Posts...

Happy Juneteenth!


Jamaica was fun...Too much fun. I had the time of my life. I needed that vacation badly. After we got back home on Friday, we left going to a little town where a lot of my man's relatives live. They party big for Juneteenth weekend. For those non-Texans, Juneteenth( June 19th, which is actually today) is the day that the slaves in Texas were set free. So blacks down here do it big for that weekend. Friday, we visited my man's family. They were such nice people. On Saturday, there was a parade, a big cookout, and a Biker's dance. On Sunday, there was this huge family festival. We had a good time. Oh yeah, did I mention that my man has a sportsbike. He has been riding about 6 years now and is dangerous with the tricks. He looks so sexy when he rides. I enjoy riding with him. There's nothing like the feeling you get when you ride. It's a freedom that you can't get in a car. I'm too chicken to get a bike for myself, but I enjoy riding with him...

Today marks my 100th post!

Instead of reflecting on the past, I'll look towards the future. This blog has helped me release so many of my frustrations and share so much of my joy with other people. It has been an enjoyable experience thus far.

Shout out to ALL of those who comment on my blog regularly...Your feedback is greatly appreciated!

So instead of telling you about my favorite posts, I'll ask you, what were some of your favorite moments in the life of Luvin Me? It wouldn't be right if I didn't ask a question....

Gotta Catch Some ZZZZZ....

I am so tired I can barely type this morning. I am going to have to take a vacation, after I get back from my vacation. I haven't partied like this since college. We pulled another all nighter and I am dragging...

I love the vibe down here, and the parties are out of control...no rules, just partying.

I'm so sleepy I can't even think of any questions for the day.

The combination of partying...drinking...sex...food...touring the island...and more sex...has got me beat. I'm off to join my man in dreamland!

Another Rainy Day in Jamaica

I am already worn out. We have been going non- stop. Today I plan to stay in and stay dry. My man is tired as well. We partied all night last night, or should I said, we partied 'til morning because we just got in about an hour ago. He is asleep at the moment and I have yet to go to sleep....I have some work due today so I will be up for a little while.

Today we are spending the day alone. My Boo planned the activities for the day, so I have no idea what's in store for me today. We are hooking up with the rest of the crew later on tonight...I think we have found the spot where we want to get married. The charm of the island has captured me. We are going to visit a few more places this summer to be sure. Why I chose to come to the islands during the rainy season, I don't know, but it is still a lot of fun even without the sun.

I hope everyone is enjoying their week, 'cause I know I am!

I'm going to have a lot of reading to do when I get back! I have to see what you guys have been up to....

Don't you just hate working while you're on vacation? I am about to finish my work and crash!

I'm Loving This Place

There is so much to do, and so little time...I am exhausted right now. This place is wild, and the benefits of coming with a Jamaican are great. He knows where to go and what to do! He even got me to drink a rum punch. Maybe it has been a long time since I had a drink or it's just me, but I must say that the drinks here are wonderful! A little goes a long way! I didn't want this trip to feel like just another vacation... hotels.... touring ...the beach. I can do that anywhere. I wanted the true experience of the island! I wanted to see the people. Enjoy all that this place has to offer. Let's just say we are already planning our trip back to the island! We were up very late and I only got a few hours of sleep in but it's cool. I'm ready for more food, dancing, and fun! There's not much sun, but it is hot! It's cloudy outside but not even the rain can mask the beauty of this place.

It's supposed to rain again today, but hopefully it will stop for a while like it did yesterday. We are all going to breakfast this morning. Softspoken, Diva, and Ambitious are so much fun! My girls are fun too, but the boys are the best! My man is enjoying himself as well. We are all going to do our own thing tomorrow! Maybe it's me, but it seems like even sex on the island is even better than at home( and I didn't think that was possible!)....Maybe it's the change of scenery...who knows, but we're loving it!

Yesterday, I stood on the beach near the water. It was a beautiful sight. I have never seen anything like it. I can't explain it, but it almost made me want to cry because it was so beautiful. It was like...at that moment, I was at peace with myself and all around me.

Have you even been at peace with yourself and all things around you? It's a beautiful experience...


Until next time...I'm off to explore this wonderful place!

I hope everyone is doing well...

We Made It!

I'm here! The flight was decent. Thank goodness for first class flights! You know I had to do it BIG! I had to log on for work this morning darnit! I am supposed to be at home working...oh well! My boss goes on vacation at the same time every year and I took that into consideration when I planned this little get-away. We are about to go jogging on the beach. I am so glad that we are still in the same time zone!

I hope all is well in blogland! I'll be back to check in with you guys a little later...

The question of the day...What did you guys do this weekend?


UPDATE... :10:40 a.m.

A few hours into my vacation and It's Raining Cats and Dogs! Now we have to plan some indoor activities. For now, everyone is in their rooms...logged on, checking emails...you know..passing time. I have to get off of here before my blog cover is blown and my nosey friends creep into my blog world. My man keeps looking at me to see what I am up to....So it's bye for now...

Well, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade!

Untitled....

Yesterday was hectic for me. I stopped by a couple of blogs but for the most part, I was preparing for my trip. I need this vacation. I have planned a lot of things with my friends, but I also planned some alone time with my man...No friends, no drama...Just us.

My daughter's father is really taking this whole marriage thing to another level. I thought he was at peace with my decision to marry another man, but he's not. He called me on Wednesday night while I was home alone. My man had gone to a movie with his mother. I really just wanted some quiet time to myself so I opted to stay home. We talked for a while...about me daughter...how much she was growing and how she is changing. We are friends for the most part. Even when we were both single, we kept it on that level. No sex whatsoever. I thought about it a couple of times, but I never acted on it. I didn't want to revisit the past. I had to remember that he was my ex for a reason...Now that I have my man in my life, the thought doesn't even cross my mind. He came into my life and loved me in a way that no man ever has. True happiness is the cure to promiscuity....and notice that I said TRUE happiness. Happiness at this level was hard for me to attain, but now that I have it, I want to keep it that way.

The more we talked, the more he revealed his true feelings to me. He is so hurt by the whole thing. But why now? Why couldn't he love me the right way at the right time? Why is he doing this to me when I know exactly where my heart is?

A few months ago, I would have been happy that he still cared. I would have been happy because he had finally come to be the man that I wanted him to be all those years. Well...Too much...Too late. I felt bad for him, but the whole situation just helped me to realize just how much I love my man. He and I are on another level. He got it right the FIRST time around...

On another note...

We have been shopping for new furniture for one of my guest bedrooms. That room holds so many memories. It's where they all stay...The friends who needed a helping hand...The young girls/guys with nowhere the go...The party go-ers that were too drunk to drive home...The women who were afraid to go home to their abusive husbands..The friends that were cheating on their mates and who needed an alibi...The friends who were cheated on and just needed to get away...They have all come through that room.

I have learned something from this whole experience. My man and I have different tastes in furniture and style. He is mod and sleek...I am warm, yet contemporary. The furniture that he picks out is for show ONLY. He even wanted to put a large TV in the room. It looks very nice, but is not practical for this particular room. As you can see, this room is well "lived in" and needs nice, yet comfortable furniture. This is not working out at all. He finally gave up (whew, and I'm so glad he did) and I have called in the queer guys with those stylish eyes. I know this is going to be fab when they get finished with it. The room is spacious, but I don't like clutter. I don't like putting a lot of furniture in a room. When it comes to furniture for me, less is more. I am more concerned with the details of the room. Colors, lighting, paintings, rugs, curtains, candles, etc...you know, the things that give the room that special something.

Since he has compromised for me so many times, I am saving for a little project that I have planned for him. After we are married, I am going to add a room to my house and give him a media room. He can decorate it as he pleases...I feel that everyone needs their own space to retreat to in a house. I have mine...My daughter has hers...Now he'll have his.

The questions are kind of mixed up today...A direct reflection of my brain today...

I know I have asked this question before but, why do your ex's always come back at the most inconvenient times?

Why do they feel when they come back, you can just pick up where you left off?

What is your style? Do you pay attention to small details, or do you like a lot of furniture in your space?

Who's the Real Queen?

Why was it 100 degrees yesterday? Why is it going to be that hot all week?

I spent most of my day inside where it was cool. My friends all came over yesterday evening to finalize all the last minute details of our trip. I ordered some food, mixed some drinks, and it was on! But you know it would not me ME if I didn't say that something didn't happen to put a damper on the evening.

My friend that I mentioned before(the one who has a live-in girlfriend, and a boy toy on the side), brought his male friend over with him. My house is one of the few places where they can be together without having to risk the chance of being caught by his lady friend. His friend is always complimenting on my sense of style. My house, my clothes, my hair...You get it. It's starting to make me feel a little creepy. I mean, I can take a good compliment as well as the next person, but I feel like he is over-doing it. He's cool and all, but I'm not adding him to my best friend list or anything. Well, during the course of the evening, he was a little upset that he will be missing the trip, and he let it show. Actually he acted a d*** fool. Let's just say by the end of the evening, I asked my friend to never bring him back to my house again. I was already a little nervous that his girl would someday find out, come in, and shoot us all. She looks like the type...I am doing well these days and I refuse to let anyone rain on my parade. I was trying to be a good friend but keep that crazy s*** out of my house!

From the experiences I have had in the last few months, I have one puzzling question that is hanging in the balance...

In your experiences, who do you think can cause more drama, a gay man or a straight woman? Who's the real queen? Who owns the rights to the drama throne?

Happy

I am loving my pool and privacy fence...The things that we did in that back yard last night should be against the law!

There is something different about me. I can see it in the way I walk...talk... look. Even in the way I give a slight smile to others when they speak(and you know I am not the friendliest person). I am starting to see an inner glow that wasn't there before. I have stress all around me but I feel like it is standing still and I am moving forward. I have been through a lot of things, but today, it doesn't bother me. I have been hurt by so many people, but for some reason, I don't even remember the pain. This morning, I looked in the mirror and realized that I am on the right track. Forgiving others...Loving me...Letting it all go. Today I realized, that I am happy.

Do people really know what it means to be happy? I don't think so. Many people think they know, but they have no idea what true happiness is. How can you know something that you have never felt? I thought I knew, but I am just realizing that I was content with my life, not happy. Today I can say that I am truly happy. I know this because...If my man were to walk out the door right now, I would still love him, but I could let him go. Not because I want him to leave, but because I am happy with myself. I am glad that he is here with me, and I would hate to see him leave, but I could do it. He adds to my happiness, but he is not the sole reason that I am happy.

We often think that...If I find that special someone, I'll be okay. If I can get with the right man/woman, I can feel the type of love I hear people speaking about. If I could only get the right person in my life, things will change for me. It's NEVER going to be that way! As long as you allow people to come into your space and you allow them to adjust your space to make them comfortable, you will never find what you are looking for. You have to find someone who fits in that space. Like a piece to a puzzle. There will be minor adjustments...compromises...but your happiness will never be sacrificed in the process.

My mother taught me to always be at a point to where I could take care of myself without needing anyone else. At first I thought she wanted me to be alone for the rest of my life. I soon realized she didn't mean for me to be independent to the point to where I was detached from reality. She just meant that I should never be physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, or spiritually dependent on another person. She wanted me to know me, and love me, like no one else ever will.

When you have someone in your life who loves you for you....It's an indescribable feeling. My man and I are both complete individuals. We are free. Do you know what it feels like to be free of everything? We don't need anything from each other, yet we give everything to each other. It's so much easier to give a person what they desire when it is not turned into a necessity. I am not needy at all...and it turns him on to no end when he tries to give me money and I turn him down. Now I know he will make sure I get it in some way or another (buying me gifts), but the fact that I only take from him what I need makes him desire me even more.

My friend in the hospital is doing better. So far, things are looking up...I talked to her husband yesterday for about 2 hours...alone. He got a chance to express how he felt( sad, mad, scared, confused). He is a basket case, but around her he is a pillar of strength. He has been by her side through the whole thing. One thing is for sure, my friend knows what it feels like to be loved. I think she knew the secret a long time ago. I'm just now catching up...

What type of men/women do you attract?

Why do you think that those types of people gravitate towards you?

What do you do to keep positive people in your life?

How do you get rid of the negative people around you?

Big or Small?

I had a wonderful weekend. I had a great time doing absolutely nothing. Well, almost nothing, but you get the point. My man is so tired that he is still in my bed asleep. I have been appreciating him all weekend. He is off work for the next two weeks. He closed a multi-million dollar deal with his company, and got a bonus and week off, on top of the week that he had already planned to be off. So of course, I won't be getting any work done! A few more days of hardly working for me, and we are off to Jamaica! I can't wait. All of my close friends are going! I am ready to kick back, party , and just let it all hang out. I wanted more than the tourist experience of Jamaica so we are going with some Jamaicans, and they know all the hot spots, so I know it's going to be fun. I don't drink now, but we will see if that changes before the end of the vacation. I plan to still be posting...sharing some of the details of my vacation....depending on how the time that I have. I still have to log on everyday for work, to make sure that things are going smoothly in the office( I guess I'll get to take a real vacation one day)... I will be logging on, checking up on things, and logging off before you can blink twice... I'm sure that no work will be done!

This has nothing to do with my vacation, but it has been running through my mind, so I'll put it out there for you all...I know, I'm making you think on a Monday... but it's what I do best....

Why does size matter so much?

Is bigger, always better?

Think about it...we have things, be we always want more.

So you prefer things big and pretentious or small and sleek?

What are some things that you like large?

What are some things that you would prefer to have small?

Today is Another Day...

Yesterday was hectic for me. Normally I am in control, but yesterday, I just couldn't get it together for some reason. I felt like a human puzzle. I am truly grateful that I have someone in my life to pick up the pieces.

To start, I left the house yesterday morning to jog. My daughter was at my brother's house and my man was inside asleep. I have done this so many times, so everything is familiar to me. The path that I run, the trees, the sounds, even the way the wind feels across my face as I move. I am halfway through the trail and I see something lying in the path. In the distance, I thought it was a tree branch, so I continue on a little further. As I get closer I could see it moving(it was a snake), so I turn around and ran as fast as I could in the in the direction that I came from. At first I thought that it was following me, so I didn't look back. Then I realized it was not behind me, so I slowed my pace to a brisk walk and headed home. When I got home my man was up brushing his teeth. He could see that I was shaken up a bit. When I told him what happened, I could see the genuine look of concern in his face. So in his effort to make things better, he offered to go with me on another jogging trail not far from my house. I normally don't go there alone because they found a woman dead out there. He hates to go jogging. He would rather work out at the gym, but he got dressed, and we were off. Gotta luv that man!

That was just the beginning. I had a very important meeting yesterday afternoon. I got downtown to my office and realized that I had left my office keys as well as my presentation reports at home. I had 20 minutes to get to the meeting and I live about 45 minutes away. I was having trouble with my cable, so my man was at my house waiting for them. (They came 3 hours later than they said they would come.) When I called him, he said that they had just left and he would come right away. How he made it there in 15 minutes is beyond me, but once again, he was there to save the day.

My friends are used to me being home during the day, and while I was gone, one of my friends, Diva, stopped by with a problem. He only had $10 to his name, he was hungry and had no food at home and he barely had any gas in his car. He was surprised to see my man at my house so early in the day. My man told him that I was not home, so Diva told him that he would come by later since he had someone riding with him. My friend got back in his car and called me from the car. I could tell that something was wrong by the way he sounded. I asked what he needed, and he was too ashamed to tell me in front of his passenger. He called me back as soon as he dropped him off. He said, "I hate to bother you but, I have a dilemma. I need your help. I don't think I have enough gas to make it home. I am parked on the side of the road with $10 in my pocket and I'm starving." I couldn't leave the office at that moment. My man had already called to tell me that Diva stopped by, so I knew something was up. I didn't want to call my man back AGAIN with another problem. He was already doing enough by jogging with me, waiting on the cable guy, and rushing to bring me my keys. So I told Diva to use the money he had to put "a drop" of gas in his tank, and I'd take care of him as soon as I left the office.

Before I could get out of there good, my man called to see if I could meet him for an early dinner because he had to help his mother with something a little later. I told him about the situation with Diva. He told me to call Diva and tell him to meet him at the gas station down the street from where we were meeting to earth. He filled up Diva's car and they met me a few minutes later at the small cafe'. We all ate and my man paid for the meal. When we were leaving, I told Diva to follow us to my place so that I could take him to the grocery store to get what he needed. After he stocked up on all the things he needed we left. When we were leaving the store, my man gave him some money to hold him over until he got paid again. Of course he started crying(he is such a queen) and made a big deal about it. He looked at me smiling and said, "I want to just like you guys when I grow up." I knew that was his way of saying thank you. After we left the store my man and I met back at my house so I could get changed to meet my girl's group. I only had about an hour to get there!

When I got to the girls the room was completely silent. Normally the room is bustling with young energy, but they all sat there with solemn faces. I asked what was wrong, and none of them spoke. They just sat there. I looked around at each of them waiting for an answer, and to make sure that no one was missing. They were all there. Finally, one of them cracked. She just broke down and started crying. I tried to comfort her, but she would not stop crying. She finally calmed down enough to tell me that this would be her last day coming to the center. She said that she woke up last Friday morning and her mother and little sister were gone. She said that it had been almost a week and she hasn't heard from them. No note...no goodbye...just gone! She wanted to call me to help her, but the center would not give her my number. Her grandmother has a house full of people living with her, and she can't afford to take care of anyone else. WTF? She doesn't know her father. She said that there was an eviction notice on the door when she got in on Wednesday. She has been staying with a friend for the last couple of days , but her friend's mom said that she has to go. She has one aunt that lives a few hours away, but she has no idea how to get in contact with her. She called her grandmother for the number, but before she can ask for it, her grandmother just hangs up, or won't answer the phone at all. This little girl has come so far. At 13, she was drinking, smoking, having sex with grown m**, and not going to school. She came to the center because she wanted to change. She said that she had seen so many men come in and out of her mother's house over the years that she thought it was the way to go. I can't stand to see everything that she and I have worked so hard for go up in flames. So I dismissed the girls, and took the girl to her grandmother's house. I was kind of upset at first, when she told me her grandmother had turned her away. When I got there I understood why. The house was small and filthy. There were kids everywhere. There are 4 adults, 3 teenagers, and 7 small children living under one roof ( a 2 bedroom house at that!). The grandmother is the ONLY one in the house that works. She looked so tired. I got the number of her oldest daughter from her. She hugged her granddaughter , and told her that she was sorry, and went back into the house crying with her head down.

I called the number as soon as I got it. Her aunt sounded so joyful and full of energy. I told her the whole story and she said that she would be the as fast as she could. We went back to the one bedroom apartment that the girl shared with her mother and sister, and packed all of her clothes. For a moment, I had forgotten how hard some of these girls have it. They are struggling to survive. The don't want to be products of their environments. She was crying the whole time. I felt sorry for her. I can't imagine being abandoned by my mother. He aunt got there a few hours later with two small children in tow. She seemed happy to see her niece, and she was so upset with her sister. We put all of her things in the back of her SUV and it was time to say goodbye. I promised her that I would come see her when she got settled in, and they were on their way. I might even rent a van and take all the girls.

When I got home, my brother called me and said that he was on his way with my daughter. I was so tired. My daughter came in the house excited and I was trying to figure out why. My brother said that she insisted on taking a shower before she left his house. She ran to her room, and came out in her bathing suit with a beach towel. How could I forget that I promised her that we would go swimming when she got back home? I was too tired to swim, but I didn't want to break a promise that I made to my child, especially after what I had just seen a few hours earlier. So I took a shower and we all got in the pool. My daughter finally got tired of swimming and I was so glad...

I was exhausted. I could tell that he was feeling a little frisky, but my body was just not up to it. So instead, he massaged me, and kissed me all over, until I fell asleep.

This weekend, my man and I will be spenign the weekend alone. My daughter is leaving tonight. It's a little something that I planned to let him know how much I appreciate him for always putting himself aside, and being there when I need him. He says that he does that because I am "self -less". I am a good person unconsciously. I'll take his word for it. I don't think that I try to be good. I just see people in need and try to help them if I can. I'm not trying to toot my own horn...but these are my thoughts, on my blog....

No questions for the day....Enjoy your weekend !

What The Heck?

I went to a wedding this weekend, like one that I have never seen before...EVER. One of my employees invited me to her wedding. I have attended a lot of weddings in my day, but this one took the cake.

From the start, I knew that she was unlike any other person I had ever hired. She was a young, hardworking, single mother of three, who needed a chance. She was rough around the edges in the beginning. Bad weave, spandex, and gum popping....but she had potential. She was well spoken and very intelligent. I took my time, and trained her. I even went as far as taking her shopping for a few outfits to get started. It was a hard decision for me to make, but I am glad that I didn't let her frightening first impression scare me off. No one thought that she would last a week, but she has now been here for 2 years. I gave her a job, and she is now one of my best employees. She is thorough in her work. She is punctual, and she comes to work everyday possible.

I felt like I was in another world when we walked in the church. First of all, it was HOT and the church was packed. I am not big on weddings, so I got there almost an hour late on purpose and the darn thing still hadn't started! A guy dressed in a royal blue satin suit (w/shoes to match) stepped to the front of the church and began to sing. He had a very nice voice, but her over sang the song. All the riffs and runs were just too much, and I thought that the song would never end. My Boo gave me this "I wish he would shut the hell up look" about 3 times during the song.

Then the pre-recorded music started to play. The first song, This Very Moment by KC and Jojo. The first bridesmaid walks in a royal blue dress...with hair, shoes, and nail polish to match. The style of the dress was cute, but the color coordination left something to be desired. But one thing that she forgot to consider is that everyone can't wear everything. The next one walks in the same colors, hair included...and this continues on through 12 more bridesmaids. Next there were 4 Jr bridesmaids with long black, Pocahontas weaves. Then came the babies...The flower girls all had long braids (it was way too much hair for one child's head to carry). The ring barer was decked out in all white, w/a pimped out blue hat leaning to the side, and blue shoes...just a mess! His hair was braided as well. I wonder who had the bright idea to put extentions in that little boy's head! They actually had someone roll their new addition down the isle in a baby stroller, decorated in blue and white flowers. I have never seen anything like this in all my days!

Then it was time for the bride. I didn't know what to expect. She actually looked really nice. Her hair and make up were done nicely. The dress was pretty...Not my style, but it looked good on her. The groom looked nice as well. I don't know what happened to the rest of the wedding party! The only bad thing was, she and her older brother( he was her escort) were walking down the isle to the beat of the song "Happily Ever After". It was not graceful at all. My man had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. They said their vows, the guy in the blue satin suit monstered another song, and it was a wrap!

We stayed at the reception for a while. Just to say congrats to the new couple. All of the people from the office were seated together and you know we were talking! The food looked like her grandmother cooked it at home. The cake was slightly leaning to the left. We all had a bet going that it was going to tip over. It was a mess. Kids, old people...Everybody in the place was shakin' what their momma gave em' . I had to get out of there. I love a good party just as well as the next person, but this was a ghetto mess. Everyone was hood dressed to impress. I am happy for my employee, but I am sure they will be talking about this in the office for a while.

Have you had any ghetto wedding/party experiences?