It's Time For Letting Go....

In my quest to further better myself and grow, there are past feelings that I must set free. My experiences enhance my character. They make me a better me...So instead of being sad for myself, I am happy that I was able to overcome. Well, here goes...

I was the typical upper middle class teen. Living in the burbs. Getting whatever I wanted. My parents were hard working, and my brother and I reaped the benefits. When I was 16, my mother took on a management position that forced her to travel for most of that year. So my father, my brother, and I had to hold down the fort while she was away.

My mother was one of those parents who didn't like for their kids to be away from home. Hence the reason she always told us to invite other kids to our house rather that us going to their house. Spring Break was the best, after I got my first car of course. It was my sophomore year, and my friends and I had planned a trip to South Padre Island. I had one friend who was from Corpus, so we would be staying there for two days, before going on to Padre. A week before my trip, my mother starts to panic. She says. I really don't want you to go. I have a bad feeling about this whole trip. My father was on my side. He wanted us to explore and learn about the world around us. Besides, the trip was already paid for, and I was so excited. My mother had to leave going out of own the next day, and she strictly forbade me to go. My father on the other hand knew how badly I wanted to go, but he agreed with my mother. So...I was trapped. So they thought...

Me, being the rebel that I was, went on the trip anyway. If I would have known then what I know now, I would have listened to my mother.

There were two vans and my friend Miles had just gotten a new SUV, so he was determined to drive it even though his dad told him not to. His parents were on vacation. So with the three vehicles in tow, we headed on our way to Padre. I was nervous the whole week. I thought for sure that my dad would come and get me, but he didn't. I later found out that he didn't come because he said he knew where I was because we were just alike. Nothing could keep him from doing something that he wanted to do. We had an amazing trip.

Miles' parents were still out of town and didn't know that he had driven his new car so we left early to ensure that he would beat them home. We had partied all night and were all tired.

We are riding along. Mark was leading the pack in his SUV. Then my friend Cameron (he was 19 at the time) was driving the first van ( in which I and 8 other people were passengers) and my friend Devin(he was 19 also) was driving the other, which held 10 people as well. We were driving on a narrow bridge through Corpus. The sun had barely began to show itself for the day, and then it happens. All of a sudden, we saw Mark swerving ahead of us. We were going about 90 MPH. We blew the horn, but it didn't help. Miles hit the wall full speed and was then was thrown into our vehicle, which threw us into the wall on the other side, which we in turn caused the third van to hit the wall as well. The SUV flipped over three times after hitting the wall and we landed on its side. The front of the third van was smashed. We all fought to get out of the vehicle's...those of us who had made it through.

That was my first time seeing someone die. We ran to the SUV first. Two of my friends had been ejected out of it in the process, and were laying still on the highway. Miles was trapped in his seat we couldn't pull him out. Both people on the passenger side were lying in the street. We managed to pull the passenger that was behind Mark out of the SUV. He later died because he was bleeding internally.

Soon came the sirens and flashing lights, spectators, and people trying to lend a helping hand. I was numb. I didn't know what to feel at that point. Sad for my friends, hurt from my injuries, or fear.

There was an array of scars and broken bones, but the most horrific detail that will stay etched in my mind forever, is the one last moment that I saw my friend Ana. She was pleading for us to help her...save her...but it was no use. She was the front passenger in the third van. Somehow, she was trapped between the dashboard, and the motor. She had long, black hair. Her hair was caught in the engine fan, which had never stopped turning. When they finally got to the point where they could get her out, it was too late. Her body was in shock. The pressure of the van had kept her alive all that time. When they cut her hair out of the fan, and lifted the metal off of her, she died instantly.

We were all taken to the hospital... A few hours later my dad arrived. He was so happy that I was okay. He didn't say a word. he just hugged me and cried. An hour after he came, my mother made it. I will never forget the look on her face. It was one of both hurt and relief. Happy that her child had survived...happy that she had the chance to see me again...upset that I had disobeyed her. As a mother I can only imagine what they both felt...

My parents really didn't have to punish me after that point. My experience was punishment enough. For a while, I wouldn't leave the house. I was happy to be in my safe haven. I had no desire to have fun for quite some time.

When I finally decided to leave, my parents became nervous wrecks. They called my constantly and nearly drove me crazy. This is one of the reasons that I left home and went to live on my own at an early age. My parents were never the same after that day and I couldn't take being trapped in that house! Even though I knew why they acted the way the did. I couldn't let it stop me from living my life and moving on past the whole thing.

Even when I moved out, I still listened to my parents. My whole experience brought a new meaning to the phrase Mother Knows Best.

no questions today. I just needed to get that off of my chest. Relax, Relate, Release....