I Like It When...

I finally talked to my girl yesterday. She needs money...Every time my friends need a large sum of money, they come to me. I have NEVER gone to any of my friends for money. I don't even borrow money from my parents, or my brother, although they have plenty of it. I mean, if we are out and I have no cash on me and we need it on the spot, then yeah, they give it to me...But that's normally for only a few minutes, until we pass the next ATM. I hate to owe people anything! So if I want something, and I don't have the money, I just wait until I do, end of story. It's not that I mind giving it to them, it's just the way that they so convieniently ask me like it's no big deal. We all have very good jobs at the moment, but a couple of their spending habits are terrible, and why should I be a source of financial redemption when they have gone too far?

She's in a financial bind. Her cheating husband was so busy running the streets, that he convieniently forgot to pay the mortgage 3 months in a row! WTF? Now it's one thing to run the streets, but this dude wasn't paying for the house that HE was living in with his WIFE, and he was telling her that he was paying it. Now that she has put him out of the house, she has to assume full responsibility of the finances. I realize that this is not her fault directly. She is only guilty of trusting her husband. She received a letter from the mortgage company on Wednesday...And she called on me for help Wednesday night. When she called me yesterday, Softspoken was at my house. He was like...Why didn't she ask us all as a whole. He hates the fact that they all come to me.

It's like they don't even consider the fact that I am raising a CHILD. Those of you with children, and that have been around children know that ANYTHING can happen with them in a heartbeat, and there is no, "I don't have", you have to magically make the money appear by any means necessary!

So me, being the friend that I am, told he to bring her paperwork to my place, so that we can come up with something. When she got there, she got this weird look on her face when she saw Softspoken. She knows how he feels when it comes to them borrowing money from me. That's boy is my friend, for real!

After she showed me all the paperwork, Softspoken was skeptical. He wanted to know how she was going to pay me back...With the fact that she has no clue of how her divorce will turn out, and how long it will take, he said that I shouldn't do it. He suggested that she ask my whole group of friends. He said that she was"taking food from my daughter's mouth," and it wasn't right. I was prepared to give her the money, because she is my friend, but she considered his idea, so I left it at that.

My friends came over after I got back from my teen group session on yesterday. We discussed the amount that she needed, and we all decided to GIVE it to her. With the amount divided by six people, it was a little easier on all of us to let her have the money, because we know how hard it would be for her to pay us back. Of course she started crying, we all did( Is it me or does someone cry in my posts everyday! Shut up already!).

That story was a little longer than I thought...What I actually wanted to post about today was an exercise that I did with my girls yesterday. It's called I like it when...It allowed us to put a positive twist on our dislikes, and attempt to turn them around. Instead of fussing about the things we didn't like, we talked about what we do like. This saved us from a lot of a** whoopings growing up. It was our chance to voice our opinions without repercussions, but we knew our limits. It taught us that it is okay to express your concerns without hurting someone's feelings. I tried this with my Boo last night. It helps you to learn the people that are close to you. My parents used to do it with my brother and I when we were growing up. Instead of making house rules, they put things out in the open. My father would start, he would say...

Dad: I like it when...My kids are obedient.
Mom: I like it when my kids go to bed at a decent hour and get up on time in the morning..
Brother: I like it when my dad lets me stay out past 11:00..
Me: I like it when, my mom lets me go to the mall, and doesn't call my cell phone every five minutes...

And so on and so forth...You get the point.....

So this is how it went with my Boo last night( my daughter went bowling with her dad...And spent then night at his house).

Boo: I like it when, you don't walk behind me, cleaning up after me. If I left it there, I will pick it up.

Me: I like it when, you pick things up so I don't have to...

Boo: I like it when you tell me that you're busy, instead of not answering your phone.

Me: I like it when, you listen when I tell you that I have a lot to do today, and know that if I don't answer, it means that I can't, not that I don't want to.

Boo: I like it when you wear that shirt...

Me: I like it when you wear those jeans...

Boo: I like it when you come to my place, and allow me to do everything.

Me:( Was that a slight in my direction?) I like it when, you volunteer to do everything( He smiles...Okay...Just checking)

Boo: I like it when you kiss my neck , and chest, my stomach, and...( He didn't stop there. Actually he didn't stop until I was....Well let's just say the game ended at this point!)

What do you like?

I'm Not Jealous...Am I?

I got some news yesterday that oddly affected me. My daughter's dad came to me and told me that he was getting married. He said that he wanted to tell me before he told anyone else. He wanted to be the one to tell me. For a moment, I was happy for him. He has been with his girlfriend for a while, so I knew if they stayed together, it would happen eventually. But why did I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I mean, I have a dream man, and I am happy with him, so why do I care so much?

We talked for a while, and he said that she gave him an ultimatum, and he didn't want to lose her. So he did it! He proposed. I felt numb. I don't know where these feelings were coming from. I managed to keep a poker face...I didn't want him to know what I was feeling. The more he talked, the more I realized that he was begging me to stop him. He said,
"My family is my life, and no matter what, you will always be my family. You have my first born and only child at this point. If you have a problem with the whole situation, just let me know. I don't want to hurt you. I thought that no matter what we went through, you would be my wife."

I could have selfishly said, "Well don't marry her then," But I couldn't bring myself to say it. I kept thinking about was my Boo. He is too good to me , for me to even think about betraying him. I actually felt a little guilty about the feelings that I was having for my ex. As fast as the feelings had come, they left. I said, If you love her,and feel like you can't live without her, then marry her". He said, "the sad thing is, I feel that way about YOU not her."

Now, I know what I have to do...I have to make sure this man knows that we could never work. We get along as friends, but as a couple, we would never make it. We are two very different people now. I love my new Boo very much, and will stick by him, and I told my ex just that. He didn't look happy, but he knew that I meant what I said. So he let it go. But why did he have to cry. ( Now mind you that I have only seen this man cry once in my life, the day my daughter was born) He cried silently and finally said..."Then it's done. I'm getting married. " He left my house, and although I was feeling a little jealous at first, I was able to let it go. I think in some twisted way, I just needed to know that he still loved me, and after he told me, I didn't care if he got married or not. I was still first choice...

Later that evening, I still felt a little guilty about how I was feeling earlier, so I told my man about my ex getting married. Was it me, or did he get just a little too happy? He was like, "Are you serious, that's great!" Huh? Did I miss something? When did my man and my ex become such good friends? I knew what the deal was. My man has one BIG insecurity in our relationship, and he is getting married. Now he feels that he has my heart, totally. He took my daughter and I out to dinner at this very nice restaurant. Was he celebrating? I had bittersweet feelings throughout dinner. I was happy because he was so happy, but I was sad because I felt he didn't trust me when I told him that I would never go back to my ex, and I will never hurt him. He noticed my somewhat sour mood. When we got home he said, "We need to talk." (That's one thing I love about him, when he sees a problem, he initiates the conversation, and doesn't run from the situation. He know my moods, and he tries his best address all of my concerns).

Him: Are you sad because your ex is getting married to some one else?

Me:Of course not...

Him Then why do you look so sad?

Then, I had to tell him the truth, and sometimes, the truth ain't pretty. I told him that I was upset because I felt that he didn't trust me the way thst I trust him. He accepted what i was saying, admitted he was wrong, and apologized. ( I kept thinking in my head..Where in the h*** did this man come from? Sometimes he is just too good to be true.) I let it go. After it was all over, we took my daughter out for ice cream...and we were back to our happy-go- lucky selves.

When I got home, I realized that I had left my cell at home, which I never do. My girl with the cheating husband had called and left 3 messages for me to call her ASAP. I tried to call her back at home and on her cell, but she didn't answer. Now I'm worried... Here we go again. So much for my d*** fairy tale ending!

Is there someone from your past that you still think of today?

Do you have someone that you have deemed as a friend, but you wonder what it would be like to be with that person (if it would not mess up the friendship)?

Are you secretly attracted to any of your friends?

To Sex or Not To Sex...

I feel that sex is a natural thing...

Yesterday, my friends and I discussed the importance of sex in our lives. Is it a need or a want? Can you live without it? What if you lost the ability to enjoy it...Would you still desire it?

Could you be celibate, and not stray from your course of action, even if the right person came along and swept you off your feet? Do you believe in no sex before marriage?

Personally, I have always been open sexually. I enjoy it...Therefore I do it. I can't justify my acts religiously, but as my mother says...That is "my cross to bear". Now, since I have been in love, intimacy is very important. To me, it makes the experience so much better when two people love each other. You are both so willing to please the other person, that you go to extra lengths to make them happy, and the experience is a reflection of your actions.

Whew...Enough sex talk. My man might have to stop by for breakfast if I don't cut this post short... (Dialing his number right now...Hanging up...He has a very important proposal meeting this morning, so I won't distract him...)....So in the words of Flo Evans...D*** D*** D***( I'm trying not to curse so much)!


To sex or not to sex, that is the question. What are your thoughts?

I know there are a lot of questions, and you don't have to answer them all...I was just putting them out there.

I Thought I was Thinking Straight....

Have you ever had a friend that revealed a secret to you, and you find yourself thinking differently about them after they have told you? Unconsciously...

It happened to me this weekend. I decided to hang out with my friends Saturday night. My boy Softspoken is back, and he was pretty tired from his trip. I wasn't up for going anywhere either, so we all decided to stay at place, watch movies, and chill...And some, drink too d*** much! It was nice though.

One of my girls recently split up with her husband. For those of you that follow my blog, this is the same friend with the cheating ex- husband, which resulted in 2 kids...For those that don't know the history, you can read up on it in the past posts...The Drama of Friendship and And Then, There Were 2... She is still feeling pretty down, so we were all trying to cheer her up. She is going through a tough divorce right now, so things a pretty hectic in her world.

Later, while we were in the middle of a movie, she called me into the kitchen. My friends are always at my house, so I know that they know where everything is better than I do. But, reluctantly, I tore myself away from under my Boo's right arm to go see what she wanted. When I walked in, she was sitting on a barstool at the island(I have an island kitchen), with an empty glass, and tears in her eyes. Of course, I had to listen to what she had to say... She had this strange look in her eyes. She said that she had talked to her ex, and he said that she had given him herpes. OMG!

I didn't really know what to think. Had my girl been creepin'? Or was he just proving to be an even bigger dog than I thought. I got this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, and asked if she was sure that she didn't have it.

Now I am no expert on STDs. I get tested, and make sure that my partner does too. With all that's out there right now, you never can be too safe. I asked her how long had she known. She said that she didn't know. She said that she went to the doctor soon after he told her, and her results were negative for all STDs. She didn't take and HIV test(which I strongly recommended) , so her results came back fairly quickly. She said that she is still at risk, since this virus can be dormant for for a while. She said that when she told him her results, he started to go off on her. Calling her a liar. Now this man cheated with not one, but 2 women, and he's calling her a liar. WTF?

After that, I started to feel really strange. My friends know I have a taste of OCD in my system when it comes to cleaning, but I really went overboard after she told me this. I found myself cleaning the bathroom, and washing the dishes as soon as they used them. Her revelation had unnerved me, and I felt bad. Was I cleaning because I felt like she had contaminated my house? I couldn't help but think...What if she does have it...Can we catch it from the toilet seat...What do I need to do to keep this from spreading to my other friends? I had to sit down for a minute an re-group.

I have always been open-minded and accepting of many things, so I felt bad for the way that I was thinking and acting. Was I wrong? Or was I just being cautious? For a moment, I had turned into the one thing that I hated most in the world, a hypocit. I judged my friend, and really didn't know all the facts. I had to check myself, re-evaluate my thinking, and be what I know I am, a good friend. It's good when we are able to find the imperfections within ourselves and correct them before we hurt the people we really care about.

Have you ever had a friend reveal something to you, and you instantly found yourself judging that person, even though you knew you were wrong? How did you act on your thoughts?

Come Back Another Day...

Not to sound vain, but I feel like a small time celebrity. There's always someone in my space!

So many people suffer from loneliness, but I don't even know what that is anymore. I suffer from...."Can I have just one day to myself" syndrome. I know I shouldn't be complaining because I am well loved, but sometimes a girl just needs a break! I have not had a day to myself in about 2 years, and I mean that literally. It's not my daughter...It's not my man...It's everyone else!

My man understands my need for space. He is the same. We can talk on the phone for hours at a time ...He at his place, and I at mine. When we see each other, it's so much better. We get the chance to miss each other. I love going to his house and getting waited on hand and foot. He gets the same treatment when he comes to my place...Sometimes(LOL...He usually ends up waiting on me there too...gotta love him)! I visit my parents often. My mother is very sentimental. She cherishes her family, so I grace her with my presence at least twice a week. But they aren't my problem.

It's my friends, and all of the people around me. I just accepted a new position at my job, with a significant increase in pay, and more work. I have to travel more often as well. I work from home 90% of the time. It seems like when I am home, there is someone at my house from the time I wake up in the morning, until the time I go to bed. Someone, stopping by for A.M. coffee everyday, which I don't drink, I just keep it around because I know they will come...Someone wanting to do brunch, lunch, or just talk...Someone needing some advise or a shoulder to cry on...Someone with a crisis, in need of some intervention...Someone in need of a loan...Someone needing an emergency babysitter for the day...Someone who just has nothing to do, and just wants to sit around and mooch off of me for the day, sitting around eating my food, and just enjoying my space(which I don't mind, but Everyday? Come on!)...There is only one person that I can tell EVERYTHING right now, and that's my man. But who do I go to when I want to talk about him? Lately , every time I attempt to talk to one of my friends, they hit me with something that THEY have going on. Don't get me wrong, they are a great group of people and I love them, but when is my turn coming? My friend Softspoken is my rock, but he has been so busy lately, flying in an out of town on business, that we haven't had a chance to talk much, and I miss him. He will be home for good next week, and maybe I can stop my whining then. Normally when I get to this point, he comes over, and takes me away from all this madness! I am strong, but sometimes I need a nudge. I am mentally drained by people right now, and since he is not here to rescue me, I have to take matters into my own hands.

My daughter will be going with her dad on a weekend trip, and won't be back until Sunday night. I am quarantined in my place. The only people immune to my antics are my man, my parents, and my brother, and blogland, of course. When I visited my parents yesterday, I told them and my brother that I needed some rest, so I know they won't be stopping by. So that's it...I haven't taken any calls, answered any emails, or had any form of contact with anyone since last night. I refuse to take to, unless someone is sick, dead, or dying, they have to find someone else today. I know it sounds selfish, but I have to do what I need to maintain my sanity! Now me being like I am, I can't stay closed up in the house too long, but for now...This is it!

Well, while I have Softspoken on my mind, I guess I'll bring up an issue that he and I discussed a few weeks ago. How people feel that all gay men are feminine. The company that he works for knows that he is gay. He said that on his first trip out of town, to the new office that he is setting up, the people were already aware of him being gay. Now what that has to do with his job, I don't know, but I guess his superiors felt the need to let the other office workers know. He said that when he walked in, they looked at him like they had seen a ghost. He is gorgeous...Works out often...Well spoken. After about 2 weeks there, one of the ladies in the building felt comfortable enough to say..."You don't look anything like we expected". HUH? What is he supposed to look like? He said that she even started flirting with him. Now she knows that he is gay, but flirts with him because he is masculine? WTF?

Is there something that you need to get away from? A habit? A person? A place?

It's In The Water

I must admit that I have enjoyed my man tremendously this week. He surprised me with breakfast yesterday morning, and it was a wrap! I was MIA for the rest of the day...

Well, not to get too caught up in my joy, because you know there is always a twist...My man's ex is not letting up. This is like deja-vous, only this time, I'm the one in the hot seat instead of my friends. This story just seems all too familiar. It happened to a friend of mine, in a post that I titled..You don't Miss Your Well...and then again to my girl in a post I titled Karma is A Mutha. Now I am facing the same situation.

My man came over early yesterday morning. He says that his ex has been calling him non-stop, every since the party incident. This is a mess. Now my man and I are not perfect, but we have a VERY GOOD thing going on. We compromise very well. But this chic is crazy! She is seriously getting on my nerves. He is scared that she will be run me away. He knows that I have been through a lot in my past, and I don't take mess, from ANYONE! But this is a exception, because, HE has not done anything wrong. She has.

What a tangled web! His ex called me....Yes she got my number! Oh yeah, I found the leak. It was none other than High Class( my ex-friend that I had to get at my parents barbecue last week). They have been going to the same hair-stylist for a long time. They talk! So all this time I have been thinking that she was my friend. She knew exactly who my man was...And wanted him for herself, based on what the ex had already told her. After our falling out last week, High Class gave her or all of my info. She called me last night to apologize. There she goes again, feeling bad , after the fact! I can't believe her dumb a** gave her the number! I thought about going over to give High Class a repeat of last week's a** whooping, but I decided that I would use her to my advantage...Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer! I told her that I needed a minute to take it all in, but I would be calling her soon. She really thinks that we are cool again. WTF! There has to be something in the water!

The ex called me yesterday for a 'Woman to Woman'. First of all, if you step to me, you better come correct. My word play cannot be matched when I am upset or challenged. It is one of my greatest defense mechanisms. She began to speak, and I let her talk. I have patience, only when I NEED to! A few years ago, I would have been telling her to meet me somewhere...So I could show her how I felt! But the the older, more mature me just opted to talk to her on the phone, being that she probably would have called until I heard her out.

The Ex: I love him, and won't stop loving him no matter what.
Me: It is your right to love him. You can't help who you love. But I don't appreciate your feelings getting in the way of what I have. You had your chance, and you made your choice, and so did he.
The Ex: But he does love me. I know he does.
Me: Did he tell you that?
The Ex: He never told me that he didn't love me anymore. The only thing standing in the way of our relationship is you. If you would just leave him. I could have him back.
Me: I have an idea. Maybe the three of us should meet. To get these things out in the open.
The Ex: Make sure it is a public place. I hear that you can get pretty violent.
Me: LOL. Okay. ( And to think, at the party, she was trying to be hard! I guess things change when you don't have your friends around))

That was so funny to me. Now I am probably one of the nicest, most humble people you could meet...I let her know where we would meet, and the time, and we hung up.

When I filled my man in on the conversation, he had a strained look on his face. He said, "I just want it to be over." He sighed, picked up his jacket and keys, and we were off.

She got there a little before we did, and she sat there waiting. I kinda felt sorry for her. ( There I go, feeling sorry for the enemy, but that's just me). She looked like she had been crying, and she was pale. She looked thinner than before( That girl needs to eat! She looks unhealthy!) But, no matter what, I had to remember our purpose for meeting.

We sat down, and my man, in his " I know what has to be done fashion" started the conversation...and finished it!

My Boo(speaking to his EX) : The purpose for this meeting is for us to break all ties, and you to go on your way. (She began crying, but she didn't' t speak.) I don't trust you, and I don't love you. I am in love with her, and she loves me. We had our chance, and we have outgrown each other. I hope that you find someone else, and you give him the same type of love that you once gave me. I have found happiness, and if you love me the way that you say you do, love me enough to let me go and let me be happy.

By now she is bawling. I started crying too, but not because I felt sorry for her. I cried because he had once again amazed me. The way he handled himself...He never raised his voice, he looked her directly in the eye, and he spoke the truth. He handles people with care, yet he says it on his mind. He is the epitome of a real man. Speaking from his soul, and not afraid to express his feelings. I cried silently, because at that moment...I was more in love with him than ever!

She apologized to me. She told me that she was crazy for think ing that she could get him back, and to please take good care of him, because he was worth it. Although I didn't need to be told that, I said okay. She that she would no longer be talking to High Class, because she was poison. She only befriended her to get to me, and it slapped her in the face because High Class used what she knew to try to get with him.

I left that place with a huge weight lifted off of me. My man explained to me on the ride home that he sees that it is not good to try to spare someone's feelings. He never told her how he felt. He just cut her off. Hearing those words from his mouth was what she needed. A grim taste of reality. He said, it's not about what you do, it's about how you do it. Situations can only be resolved peacefully if you handle them with care. He gave me a lot to think about.

I guess I have seen the best and worst of friendship. This man never ceases to amaze me. And to think, I questioned whether or not I should be with him in the beginning! And my friend High-Class continually stabs me in the back, because she is jealous of my life. My life is as it is because I give more than I ask for in return. I am blessed because my heart and doors are always opened. Not my hands to receive something from another! I have been down to my lowest low before, but I picked myself up, brushed myself off, and kept moving! It's all about where you want to be. Even when it seems impossible, you just have to keep it going.

Is there someone in your life, a friend, family member, lover, that continues to remind you of why you care for them so much, and show you that they care for you...Or is there someone who continually shows you why you need to stay away from them... And attempt to hurt you?

Don't Get Caught Slippin'

My weekend was great. We partied till we dropped, and I mean literally.

He absolutely LOVED the record store! I'm glad I found it. He was very happy, and he found so many recors that he had been looking for. We found many of them for $1.00,a nd they usually sell for between $10 and $15 each. . The old man didn't know that he had a tresure chest, but we were glad!! He got so much. I'm just happy that he liked it!

My 'studio' friends (they asked me not to post pics), took care of the music, so I didn't have to hire a DJ. The had a ll the equipment. I was impressed. I rented a building. My friends and I decorated,( I know it is so cliche' but gay men do have the BEST taste), my friend Ambitious(the one who owns the club), donated the drinks, and my brother and his boys provided the security. I am glad that I am good to people, because it's times like this when you need help, and it pays to have friends with benefits!

It was so hard to get my nosey Boo to the party. First of all, I told him that I would be out with my girls all day Saturday. We had to make sure that all the food was on point. My mom and aunts made every seafood dish that you can name(he loves seafood). We had a very nice spread. We had to tie all the loose ends so that everything would come together nicely. He wanted to spend time with me , but I had to keep telling him I was busy. It was so hard. He kept saying, "Is everything okay between us? Why are you pushing me away?" I had to maintain my composure and just say, "You are trippin' over nothing, " and got him off the phone. His best friend had to literally drag him out of the house because he was so irritated with me'brushing him off'. He kept asking where they were going, and said he didn't feel like clubbing. I couldn't tell, because he was dressed to kill! When they walked in, my Boo had this crazy look on his face. We all jumped out , and he was so happy! He looked like he was about to cry, but he didn't. His family and friends were all there. The place was packed with people! It started out as a classy party...but you know how people are when they get a little alcohol in our system. Bring on the rump-shakin! O Kay! (In L'il John fashion) It was a lot of fun though!

We have cancelled our mini-trip because it is flooding down here, and we don't want to take any chances. We will still do something special.

Now for all of you that keep up with my blog...You know there had to be some type of craziness to go along with this 'perfect' weekend!

I met his ex-girlfriend, and yes, she is a d*** fool. She called him to wish him a happy birthday, which I have no problem with....Then she called back and left that Heather Hedley song, "In MY Mind" on his voicemail. He let me listen to this crazy woman, ranting about how she had messed up, and she wanted another chance. Thet haven't been together in almost 3 years. She broke his heart. She broke up with him and started going out with a man who she felt could give her more financially at the the time. Now that my Boo is successful and happy, she wants him back. Ain't that a b****! Knock a brotha when he's down, but you want him back when he's up! He said that she has been calling him a lot lately, and he had a feeling that she might pull something this weekend, since she knew it was his birthday. He was right!

She and her friends strolled their happy a** right into his party. Now how she found out about the party and where it was being held, I don't know. I'm just glad that she didn't ruin the surprise for him. I have to find the mole though...for future reference!

He and I were dancing, and she came over and asked if she could cut in. Now I, being new to this, and not knowing who everyone is at this point, just looked at him. She could have been a family member or a close friend. So I stayed cool. He held me tight and said, "no thank you, she has this under control." She then gave me this killer a** look and walked off. After she walked off, he told me that was his ex. I was like WTF. How is she going to come up in here where I am spending my money, and walk straight up to him, while I am with him, and ask him to dance. I contemplate my next move. There is nothing like a woman with a plan!

I walk over to my group of friends who are standing in the back talking, and let them know what happened, and told them to keep an eye on her. I realized that if I put her out, I would be showing her that her presence was threatening me, which it wasn't, but she was being disrespectful to me and my space, and I was going to handle it like a woman with some sense...My friends said, "I think you need to keep an eye on your man." (That's why it's not alawys good to involve friends, and react to what they say. They tend to blow things out of proportion.) I turned to go back to where he was and saw that he was standing with his best friend, and and she and her girls were right back up in his face. I walked to him and he took my hand, and introduced us. I could tell that she was not happy. She stared at me for a moment, checking me out. Now I'm no supermodel or anything, but I know I've got it going on in all the right places, and everything is mine from head to toe( I have no problem with people doing whatever it takes to make themselves look good, it's just not my cup of tea!)! She was pretty, but frail looking. Common. No striking features. Just a pretty, skinny, girl.

The showdown was about to begin, so I thought. She walked up and stood in front of me. I just looked at her...You know that look that a woman gets when she knows that she is finer than the other physically, and have gotten the best of them mentally. I had it plastered on my face. You know that, "I got this, b**** look." She had that, "You got me this time, but we will meet again," sneer on her face. My friends came over, just to make sure that her girls were cool. If you were to look at us and see how we carry ourselves, you would never think that we get down like we do. A group of beatiful, educated, classy, sistahs...but we do what we have to....

I don't know if it was because he had seen me in action with my friend, or what, but he quickly intervened. ( He didn't understand,I wasn't about to fight this chic. This was different. I fought my friend because SHE hurt me, not over him, but I didn't want to bruise his ego...)
He turned to her and asked her and her friends to leave. He said, "I'm sorry, but this is a private party. My girl went through all this trouble for me, and I refuse to let her efforts be in vain. I am having a good time, and I plan on doing so for the rest of the night. " I was so proud of him...

She looked at me, defeated, and I smiled the sweetest, most innocent smile. I know I was being wicked, but at that point I didn't care. Bye b****! She started cursing and yelling, but she walked out, so I just let her have her moment...All the while I kept saying to myself...We shall meet again..and next time, I won't be so nice. Now she knows that I exist, so there are no excuses.

At least that was over. We had a good time for the rest of the night, or should I say morning. Do you know how hard it is to sit up in church after a night of partying. I think I dozed off every time they prayed. It was a mess. My daughter was actually nudging me to wake me up. I have no clue what the preacher spoke about. I know, I am terrible, but my daughter insists on us all being at church together now that she has been baptized. My Boo was just as bad, plus he had a hangover. My friends were all hung over. Three of them made it to church, and they were worse than I was. One of them was sitting in front of my and he actually was knocked out, with his mouth wide opened. I shook him, but he just couldn't take it. He finally got up and left. I think at one point my Boo and I were both leaning on my daughter. I felt awful for almost sleeping in church. I so glad to get home. My daughter went home with my parents for Sunday dinner, and we went back to my house and slept the whole day away. My mother brought us some food by when she dropped my daughter off. We were still asleep. We got up, ate, and went back to bed.

I am rested today, and have the house to myself again.

Why don't things ever go as we plan. We spend all this time and effort making sure everything is perfect, and someone always has to throw a wrench in the plan. Especially relationships....I am sure I will be seeing much more of his ex...I could tell by the look that she gave me when she was leaving...I think relationships are factored into 70% of the 2 people involved, and 30% all outside influences.

Have you ever planned something, and someone tried to screw it up? How did you handle it?

The Outlet to My Rambling Brain...

I had a wonderful time with the girls yesterday. They enjoyed their Spa Day, and they all looked great! One of the girls cried at dinner. She was so happy. Of course I started crying too...And then it was on. There was not a dry eye in the room, but we were all happy! I see light at the end of the tunnel for these young ladies.

I'm up early, even though I don't have to work...I just can't help myself. My man is such a big kid. He is so suspicious about what I am doing for his birthday. He can't wait to see what I got him. Since I have the party planned for Saturday, his parents are having brunch for him Sunday, and we will be taking a mini-trip Monday and Tuesday, I'm going to have to take him to the vintage music store today to let him pick out his first gift (music). The store is about an hour away from where we live, and it opens early. His second surprise is the party. I told him last night that I have a surprise for him this morning and he called me at about 4:00 a.m. excited like it was Christmas Eve. He's on his way over now. This man is a mess!

Why is it that when you are happy in your relationship, all of your past guys/gals want to show up to try to test you? They are coming out of the woodwork. Calling, stopping by my parents' house. I see them everywhere..The mall, the store. As I mentioned in an earlier post, my daughter's dad wants to try to work things out between us. Before I got with my current man, I was single for almost 3 years, and all of a sudden when I am happy, he wants to work it out. I guess he has that, "If I can't have you, no one can" syndrome. He sees that I can be happy without him. He says that it hurts him to see me so happy her man. I told him that this day would come, but he wouldn't listen. We had my daughter young, so he wasn't trying to hear that "baby s***" as he called it at the time. I tried to reason with him, but he went away to college(Which I didn't want him to stay home. I wanted him to succeed if not for himself, but for her)He forgot that he had a kid. Didn't call...Nothing. Now I bet you are wondering how he could forget his own flesh and blood, but he did. I used to call him a holiday dad(not to his face). He only saw her on the holidays when he was home from school. He actually missed one of her birthdays because he was in Mexico with this chic. I was hurt, for my child, because she wanted to see him so badly, but he never came. Inconsistency is child abuse! I feel that if you are not going to be a real parent, you should just be honest to your kids. Don't be an in and out parent.

It seemed like after graduation, he grew up instantly overnight. Maybe I should say, he grew up in the aspect that he became a good father to his daughter, and he has been there ever since. But now, he wants more, and he can't have it.

But he's not the only one. I lost a lot of weight (over 70 pounds), after my daughter and have managed to keep it off. I work out regularly and eat 'alright' (I'm not a health nut). I was blessed with great genes. The women in my family have great skin( no stretch makes and even toned), and they age gracefully. Everything is big in the right places. I am surrounded by strong,beautiful, women. That is part of the reason that I am who I am. They beat it into me as I was growing up.

I didn't think I would love again, not like this, but love has a way of making you its b****, and you must surrender. I am in love people. If it ended today, I wouldn't regret one minute of it, because many women will never know the type of love that this man has for me. We talk, we reason, and then we come up with a solution. I'm not saying that we are perfect, and we always see things the same way, but we agree to disagree. We are laying a foundation...Slowly. If people would take things slow...Stop trying to rush the inevitable...They could savor the moment, and know what true love feels like. I have a whole life to love someone...And who's to say that it is all meant for one person. We give too much too soon, and we wonder why we are unable to tear ourselves away from the person. You have to keep something for yourself. If not, you will keep setting yourself up for disaster. Take time to open your eyes, and accept people for who they are , not who or what you want them to be to you. You will be much happier. My motto is NO EXPECTATIONS = NO DISAPPOINTMENTS.

He loves me...And I know it. Not because I think so, but because he tells me not only with his words, but with his actions. Don't settle for less than what you want. (I've done it so many times.) It's out there. You just have to know how to let go and accept it for what it is. Don't let your past skeletons drive away your future happiness as I almost did. It feels good to love someone that loves you back. The whole time that I have been typing about him, I have had this goofy smile plastered across my face...I've got it bad!

Who do you love? Is it worth preserving? Do they love you the same? Don't settle for anything less than the best!

Feeling Like A Million Bucks!

Honey-Libra, you are right, God is good! He comes when we least expect him!

Every year, around this time, my job gives us variable pay. It's a large bonus, based on work performance, and the company uses it a s a tax write off. Normally, I am waiting on this money, and I already have it spent. This year, I totally forgot that I had this money coming. I checked my bank account Monday, and I thought the bank had made a mistake. After further investigation, I found out where it came from. I got 4 times more than I normally get! I couldn't believe it. I guess I must be doing a better job than I thought!

I have no outstanding bills, my credit cards are payed off...I must admit, I am at a good point financially righty now, and I don't NEED anything! Saving and budgeting have really paid off! I have never been at this point; I have MY OWN money, and I don't know what to do with it. It is a wonderful feeling.

I am not frivolous with money, so much thought will be put into how it is spent, or saved!

I love to make people smile. My friends know and love me for it. It's just what I do!

My teen group is in need of some TLC. As I told you before, these girls have no clue of how to love themselves, so I'm going to give them a boost. When you look good, you feel good about yourself! I know the inside will take some time, but repairing the outside is only one hot comb away! I know people, lots of people. So today, I am putting my resources to work. I have called in a favor from a very good friend of mine. I rented out her salon for the morning! She is putting her staff work! This is a full service salon, so they will get the works! Since the teens are on spring break, We are getting started early! I will start them off with breakfast before we go. Every girl will get their hair done, a manicure, pedicure, message, and anything else they desire, my treat! I payed a flat rate for everything, so I hope they spend it, and spend it well. My friends are also coming(guys and gals)...You know they wouldn't miss out on free pampering in the middle of the week!

I reserved the party room at this nice little restaurant for my teen session. My friends will be joining in on this one. I pondered over the thought of how to get these girls to focus more on themselves and their future, and less on boys. I took all of your comments into consideration, and have finally come up with a solution. EXPOSURE! How can they know something that they have only seen in magazines, or dreamed of? I think it will be good for the teens to see young, successful, people, paving the way for them! I have a monthly trip planned for the girls. We will be going to plays, to a new black art gallery that I stumbled onto by mistake, poetry readings ( I found this by mistake too...They showcase new singing talent as well, and they actually have a teen showcase. Maybe one of my girls will find her creative niche), and many other places ... I want them to see and do things that they would never get a chance to see or do otherwise. We will start fund-raising as well. I am using the same concept that I use at home with my child. If these girls earn their trips, and raise their own money, it will mean so much more to them.

On another note,my man's birthday is this weekend, and I have so much planned, including a surprise party on Saturday! There is only one problem, I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO GET HIM! He has everything. I have been trying to find something for weeks! Any suggestions? I am not working tomorrow, so I can take care of all the last minute details. I am going to be so busy. I had already set aside the money for this weekend, so I still don't have to tap into my newfound mini-fortune! It just keeps getting better! It has been so hard for me to keep this thing under wraps. He is sooo nosey! I think, he thinks that his best friend and I have something going, because he caught my talking to him twice. His best friend is an attorney, so we just played it off like I was trying to get legal advice...He is getting suspicious, but he is playing it cool.

My joy does not come with getting things for myself. It comes with giving to people who need it so much more than I do.

So today, I give you just one challenge. Make at least ONE person smile today! It costs nothing, yet it is priceless! No matter how down in the dumps you are, or what you have going on, just know that someone has it much worse than you do. Look at your bed, couch, floor (wherever you lay your head)...Look at your car or even the change that you have in your pocket to catch the bus or the train, listen to your stomach, "don't hear anything?", that's because you're full... Look at your family, whether you talk to them or not, and know that you have so much more than others. You are blessed . Even if you feel that you are doing wrong, and good things still happen to you or doing right and bad things happen, know that God is just working it out for you!

What will you do to brighten someone's day today?

Some People Just Don't Get It

Society manipulates our minds into thinking that we have to 'fit in." What is really IN? Must we spend our lives wondering, "is my butt too big...Hair too short, too nappy...Do I switch a little too hard?" It's a crazy world out there, and sometimes, you left with no amswers.

I love basketball! I don't play, but I love to watch the game. I spend A LOT of time with my friends, that's why they are mentioned in so many of my posts. They are ALWAYS around. My friends and I went to a Sport's Bar last night to watch the Mavs game. I introduced my circle long ago in a post titled Friendship. We were all out last night, including Angel(my girl with the dog husband)...With the exception of High Class. My circle consists of both gay and straight men...And that's what started this craziness.

The waitress brought a drink over to my friend Ambitious. He gave her a strange look and said, "I didn't order this." She told him that it had been sent to him by a gentleman that was seated at the bar. He was like " WHAT?" He sent the drink back. The guy gave him the dirtiest look. We finished watching the game with no more distractions, and then we all decided to talk for a while. The guy, who had not moved from his chair since we had been there, approached our table. He asked to speak with Ambitious. Ambitious told him that anything he had to say to him, could be said in front of his friends. The man began to go off on my boy! He said that it was very rude of him to refuse his drink. He started this long drawn out argument about how and why gay black men can't find decent, faithful partners. He said that the gorgeous guys think that they are too good for the world, and they put others down. He felt he had to say something about it.

Ambitious was livid. He turned to the guy and said, "I'm Not Gay!" The man had a puzzled look on his face. He said that he assumed my friend was gay, because he was sitting at a table with at least 3 gay men and a couple of women. We are all like...WTF! The guy turned and walked away without saying another word. Society has now flipped the script! Here we had a gay man, assuming that a straight man was gay because he had gay friends! We have all known each other for years! We played hide and seek together! Ambitious had fought many fights for my friend Diva because he was so flamboyant(even when we were younger), but he loved him as a friend. Now he was having to defend himself because he was friends with gay men. Diva used to play dress up with me and my girls. My parents never really said anything, they just let him be himself. That's why he used to love coming to my house. He didn't have to hide who he was. My dad was more worried actually about Ambitious coming over. He always sat outside with us when the boys came over.

Why are people so twisted? What is wrong with a straight man having gay friends? Especially if they have been friends since childhood? Being gay doesn't change who my friends are on the inside. It changes WHO they want to be involved with? Does that exclude them from needing love and friendship from the people that mean the most to them? We have had this conversation so many times in my circle. I used to be ridiculed for having gay friends. I could care less what people say. I love those boys, and nothing can change that. I found myself taking up for them...But they weren't the ones who needed help. It's these other stupid a** people out there. I think that feeling comes from insecurity that people have with themselves and their sexuality. People should know themselves before they question others! My friends know and accept who they are, and so do we. It takes a real man/woman to be able to accept who they are, and reach out to others no matter what their sexaul orientation is. I am so proud to be in a circle with secure, black, men and women!

I was asked by a co-worker, how can I be a Christian, and hang out with gay men. I told her that the God I serve loves ALL people just the same. If my gay friends had any sins that they needed to repent for, it was between them and God, just like the sins that both she and I have. Is it worse for me to sleep with a man that I'm not married to, than it is for my gay friend to do so? It's sinning no matter what package you put it in! That shut her up!

I can't conrol society, but I can question the way people around me think. This post leaves me with so many questions...Can straight men/women have gay friends and not question their own sexuality? I think so, but what do you think?

I Want Some More!

The saga continues( a continuation of yesterday's post)...

It's official. The b**** is crazy. I guess an A** whooping was not enough for her.

She has been calling me non stop since the s*** hit the fan on Sunday. She will not let up. She says that she has to talk to me, and will no stop until I hear her out. Normally, persistence is a good thing in my book, but she has crossed the line this time. Right now, I just need a little space to cool down, and then I'll be ready to at least hear whatever piss-poor excuse she has for her actions.

Since I wouldn't take her calls, or listen to her, she went another route. She called my man and went by his house! WTF! If I were her, and my close friend had just b*** my a** for something that I had done to that man, I would stay as far away from him as possible. But some people just don't learn. He asked her to stop calling, but she wouldn't. Then he looked outside, and she was parked in front of his place. At first I was trying to figure out how she knew where he lived, but I remembered that we were all together one night, and he had to stop by his place to pick up something... but why would she ever go back there? At first I told him to call the police, but my heart softened a little for her ( momentarily). I went by there instead.

I pulled up behind her and she didn't move. I got out of the car, and I walked to the driver's side window, and tapped on it. I told her to get out of the car because we needed to talk. She cracked the window just enough for me to hear what she was saying. She said, " I will get out if you calm down. Promise that you won't hit me." It was hard, but I gave her my word. My man came out of the house...He said, "Are you cool? You know how my neighbors are." I told him that everything was fine. He had a few of his friends over finishing up some paperwork from their investment group. He suggested that we come in and talk. He told my girl that it was best for her to comply, since she had witnesses, and a couple of bodyguards. I thought that was funny. But I was in no mood for sarcasm.

I went in, and we talked. She told my of how she had seen my man a a club that we used to hang out at. She said that she liked him long before I met him, but she never said anything to me or him. She said that she didn't have the nerve to approach him. Now this is a gold-diggah talking...And she's intimidated(yeah right!). She said that he didn't seem like the type of man that would take her stuff, and that's what she needed in her life. So she could change her ways. I then explained to her that he and I have been messing around for a long time now. We just decided to make it official a few months ago. Then I told her taht a man cannot change who you are. She would have to do that for herself. Through this conversation, I got a chance to see how weak she is. She uses her looks and ability to make men go crazy, to cover up what she lacks on the inside (Maybe I should have been taking her to my teen group meeting with me). She said that she felt bad for what she did, and she was sorry. Did she think that was enough? Just because she had seen him, and liked him before she knew about us being together, she felt it was okay to propostion him? Like I told her, that was then, and this is now. She said that she was testing him(that's bull***. She's just trying to talk her way out of it because she got caught). I told her to think long and hard before she tries to test anyone else. I am the only professor he needs giving him those kinds of tests right now! She broke the "friend-code". Once I have him, He is OFF LIMITS. No exceptions!

She kept apologizing, but I told her that she was just wasting her time. I told her that I still loved her as a person, but my love and respect as a friend was gone. I can never trust her again. She told me that she needed me to be her friend. But I can't do it. Like I said in my last post, I have really been there for her. Mentally and emotionally, when she had no one...Financially, when the gold-diggin' game didn't go like she expected, I picked up the slack...Physically, when her own momma wasn't around....I was a friend, and I was there. Even when it inconvenienced me, I still had her back. She really has used me to the fullest. She has been like a leech, and I couldn't let her go. A parasite of sorts, feeding on my strengths, and weakening me in the process. She has been co-dependent on me for too long. But now, the journey is over.

She said that none of my other friends will talk to her. I told her that I have no control over how they think. They have their own minds and opinions. They told her that they can't trust her anymore. Once you cross one, you cross us all, because that's how we roll. This time, she just went too far. I reminded her that she was MY friend to begin with, and they grew close to her through ME. So what did she expect? I'll never say a bad thing about her to anyone outside of our circle...If she is dying or needs food, I will help her. That's just me. My heart won't allow me to be evil, but it also won't allow me to forget the pain that I feel right now. I will never let her know that I would still help her if and only if no one else was around. That time will just have to come. As far as I am concerned...She does not exist in my world anymore. My father's words that were etched in my head years ago rang loud and clear... "Don't limp for cripples."

She is still calling me...But I refuse to answer. She emails me, but I don't open them, I delete them all. I have let go of her, I just hope that she can do the same.


Have you ever had to let go of something in your life? A grudge...A past hurt by someone that was close to you? Did it make you a better person to release that negative energy from your life?

Misery Loves Company

Why does everyone bring their drama to my house? My house is a peaceful place because I make it that way. It's my space, and tranquility is a must for me. I will do ANYTHING for a peace of mind. I will get rid of people in my area when they interrupt my balance. No warning...I just cut them off. Well, my girl crossed the line this weekend, and the b**** had to go!

I am not the jealous type. I feel that no matter what you do a man/woman will do what they want. In a previous post titled Karma is a Mutha I introduced the situation of one of my girls...High Class. She is still trying to get back with her ex, and he is still not having it. So her unhappiness is starting to show. Now, she is always negative. She talks bad about everyone. When we are all together, she has to start some mess with someone in the group. It's terrible. I do not like hanging with her these days because she can really put a damper on everyone's mood. She's my girl, and I know she is going through a bad time, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and still invited her to do things with us.

My daughter was baptized on Sunday (I am Baptist). I always said that I would wait until she was ready. She walked up in front of the church a few weekes ago on her own, so I knew it was time. My daughter called everyone in the family(plus my friends) and invited them to come. We took up about 6 pews in the church. It was quite a spectacle. After church, everyone went to my mom's house. My dad barbecued, and we had a blast! I was being the perfect hostess. Making sure everyone had food, and drink, and just making sure they all were comfortable. My man was outside sitting by the pool, talking to my brother. They had all made plans to come back to my place and watch the Mavs basketball game later. My friend High Class has always liked my brother( he won't give her the time of day), but my brother and I made a deal back in the day to stay away from each others friends. I had a friend that he used to date, and the situation turned ugly. He didn't want to date her anymore, but she kept finding excuse to come by my house anyway. So I had to cool it with her for my brother's sake. I must admit, my brother is quite the catch. Handsome, successful...He's got his s*** together, he just keeps finding these crazy a** women that won't let him go. He is dating a nice girl now, so we'll see how things work out...

I look out the window, and my girl is sitting right in the middle of this group of guys (my cousins, my brother's friends, my friends...You know how people just come out of nowhere when there's free food) . She is a nice looking female with a great body, so the guys didn't seem to mind her presence. I walked out to see if they needed anything, and to be nosey of course, and my friend gave me the ugliest look, like I was wrecking her flow. My brother and my man picked up on it too, but I didn't say anything at that moment. I went back in the house to get the guys some drinks, and I walk out and she is all in my man's face. I am like WTF! Though I was starting to get upset, I still didn't say anything, no wanting to ruin the family event. I could tell that my man was getting uneasy, so he walked back in behind me with this "help me" look on his face. I told him that I would be right back to handle my friend, so he went back outside. When I went to take the rest of the drinks out, my man, my brother, or my girl were nowhere in sight. Now I am suspicious. I looked around for them, and found them on the side of the house. My man issitting there with this stunned look on his face, and my brother is holding High Class by the arms! I run to see what is going on, and I see that my Boo's lip is busted. My girl's hair is all over the place. Both my man and my girl start yelling at the same time, trying to tell me what happened. I get them to calm down, and I give them both a chance to explain. My man says that my girl asked him to F*** her like he F***s me. (That's why you can't talk to your girls about your sex life, which I don't go into detail, I just said that he can hold his own!). I looked at her and she said that he was lying, he was trying to get at her.

My brother, who had been paying attention the whole time, told me what really happened. He said that my girl did in fact proposition my man out by the pool. He said that he acted like he didn't hear them, so he could see how my man would react. He said my man told her to go f*** herself...And she got pissed off. She told him that if he told me what she said, he was going to turn it around and make it look like he was lying. That's what I walked up on earlier. My man later told me that he didn't say anything to me when he came in the house because she had threatened to make it look like he was lying.

He got up from the pool( he was trying to leave before things got out of hand), and my brother said she soon followed him. My brother followed her to see what was going on. He said when he got around the corner, she was slapping he s*** out of my man saying..."You know you want me! No man has ever turned this down!" By now I am livid. I never really get into fights, although I can throw down. I grew up with a brother and several male cousins, so I was the cutest little tomeboy on the block, and all the females around the way knew it. I only fought when I was provoked. I still haven't lost my edge...But I am a lady! There is a time for peace...And then there is a time to beat a B****'s ass, and now was that time. She hit my Boo in the face, and he was defenseless against her...Being that he doesn't hit women...BUT I DO! I commenced to beating the hell out of her. She wasn't even trying to fight back( she has seen me in action before), but I didn't care, I just kept hitting her in d*** face to show her how HE felt. She grabbed her now bloodied lip and looked at me crying. She kept trying to apologize, but I wasn't hearing it. I just told her to get her s*** and go. By now my other friends and cousins are standing around, and my man and I am looking a mess. I go back inside to gain my compose, but I was too upset for the festivities. I am glad my kid didn't see me out there acting a fool!

I told my mom what happened, and since my daughter is going out of town with my parents for Spring Break, I left her there(saved me a trip back)... Then we left. My friends all went home, and I told them that I would call them later to let them know what happened. My man and I talked all the way home. We had to laugh at how my girl was begging for me to stop hitting her, and he commented on my mean right hook. But I started to cry. I was hurt that my girl had done something like this to me. I have been there with her through so much. She was supposed to be one of my closest friends, and she crossed me. She tried to call several times, but I have nothing to say to her right now. I do want an explanation, but I have to wait until the hurt is gone....I might be tempted to beat he a** again if I see her face to face.

Have you ever been crossed by someone that was close to you? What would you do in this situation?

Kicking The Little Princess Off Her Throne

I had a great time with my teen group last night. Some of them actually listened. I can see that this will be a hard road to travel, but as many of you said in your comments, if I can just reach one girl and help her to understand what loving yourself is all about, then I have accomplished my goal.

Are you doing anything meaningful with your life? Will you be able to look back 5...10...years from now and really remember what you were doing? Will it even matter? How will people remember you?

I work with these girls, but I do realize that charity starts at home! My daughter is learning a much needed lesson early in life, so that she won't have a life full of heartache. I try to make a memory out of each day. If I do nothing else great in life, the one thing that I want to be remembered for is being a good mother to my child. I am not her friend, now that does not mean that I can't be like a friend to her. My responibilty is not to make her like me... If I am a real mother, then there is no need for me to try to be something I'm not. She will love and respect me for what I am and what I am doing in her life. I refuse to try to buy her love or coax her into loving me as many people do...

As my child gets older, I realize that the years that have gone by can never be reclaimed, and I have a responsibilty to make sure that every moment that I am around my child is as pleasant as possible. Kids get enough negativity from the world. They don't need it at home too. I have learned that yelling does not work with my kid. She cries, yes, but in the end she really was not crying because she knew that she did something wrong, she was only crying because I yelled. So, I'm defeating the purpose. I have learned to be patient and talk to her, even though sometimes she makes my blood boil! Now I don't spare the rod, I just put it away until a beatdown is NEEDED!

I reward positive behavior in a positive manner. When she does something wrong, I turn it around on her. I make her think about it. It's a punishment within itself. I am consistant and as hard as it wasI have gotten her father on the same track. I teach her that every action has a consequence, whether good or bad. I was kind of skeptical at first, but yesterday I realized that it is working.

We stopped by the store on our way to the teen center(they have activities for younger kids as well). She has been wanting this new video game, but I refuse to let her have it until she has earned it. ( My brother bought it 3 weeks ago but she doesn't know it.) We all want our kids to have nice things, but kids with everything appreciate nothing. My daughter was born into privilege. Not that we are rich, but my family and her father's family do very well financially. She is very spoiled by both sides of the family. She is not a brat, but she really does not understand the meaning of the work NO! There are no other children in her immediate family, so she gets EVERYTHING she wants, and I do mean EVERYTHING. What does a 7 year old need with a Video IPOD? She played around with it for about 2 days, but lost interest. She also has the X-Box 360 and will be getting the Playstation 3. She has a plasma TV in her room(Her dad's brother is able to geet steep discounts on electronics...(he paid about $1200 for it, I still think that was too much for her). She doesn't even play with any of this stuff. She just has it because it is the "thing to have". I think it is ridiculous! If I don't buy it , someone else will. I saw how this mentality was affecting my child, so I had to put an end to it(somewhat). My brother bought the video game she wants, but he gave it to me instead of her. Since I can't make them stop buying for her, I can make sure that she earns it, because they all act like she HAS to have EVERYTHING!. I forbade anyone to give her anything else. If they do, I will go Mommy Dearest on their a**! For the next few months, everything has to come through me! If this works it will stay that way. She looked at the game and said, "I'm going to have that soon, because I have been doing everything I am supposed to." I just smiled and said, "We will see," but of course I am going to give it to her. She really has earned it. I give her small chores. She also has to do things without being told. She is doing very well. Her homework is done as soon as she gets in. Her bed is made before she leaves the house. She gets her clothes for school ready at night( the little diva is fashion savvy and her grandmothers are shop-a-holics. She actually has an extensive little wardrobe)... I am both impressed and proud of her for staying on the right track!

I haven't kicked the little princess of her throne completely, but I have made sure that her 'loyal subjects' understand what I am trying to do!

What is one thing that you would like to be remembered for?

The More I Teach You, the Dumber I Get!

With all that's going on around me these days, I don't know if I'm going or coming...


Do you ever feel like you are talking to a brick wall? It seems as if your words never permeate the brain surface of the person you are trying to get your point across to.

I had a session with my teen group last night and I was trying to explain the difference between love and lust to these young ladies. I let them know that lust can manifest itself in many ways. It can be physical or emotional...It is so strong that can control you. Love is different...It is patient and understanding. They are so ready to be grown that they miss the experience of growing up!

These girls' hormones are raging out of control. They are on a mission, and even though I know that I cannot stop the inevitable, I try to equip them early, with some knowledge that I gained a little too late...But it seems they have no clue. The more I talked to them, the more I realized that they are blind to many of the things around them. These young girls are so wrapped up in boys and sex, that their education and well being have taken the back seat. What is wrong with these kids today?

Why is it so important to have someone in your life? I enjoy my relationship very much, but I don't NEED him in my life, I WANT him in my life. I love him and he loves me. Intimacy is so much more special than just sex and lust. When feelings are reciprocated, it feels so much better! One of the girls told me that she cannot live without a boyfriend. She says that if she breaks up with someone today, she has to have someone in her back pocket to fill his place. I told her that what she said just showed how insecure she was with herself. What's wrong with being by yourself? If You don't love You, then who else will.

I see that I have a lot of work to do with these ladies. I have been focusing on issues that they have been bringing up to me, but it's time for me to bring up an even bigger issue to them. Loving Yourself! They just don't get it. They have so much to live for and so much potential. I just have to somehow bring this out of each and every one of them. I have my hands full with this bunch, but I am up for the challenge!

What are some of your ideas on how to get these girls to understand and love themselves?

Do you think that the need for someone in your life if caused by the absence of something else?

How do I get these girls to think for themselves?

I always have something going on.......

It gets Deeper....

At what age does a person learn to listen. Now, I'm not talking about hearing. Listening and hearing are two different things. You can hear what a person says, and not be listening to what they are saying.

Yesterday, I realized that people do not listen to what is being said to them. They hear what the person has to say, pick of the details they want to hear, and disregard the things that they don't want to hear.

My friend showed up looking weary. She and her husband decided to meet at my place. Now, this is my girl and all, but am I wrong for really not wanting this s*** to go down in my spot? Thank goodness my daughter had dance class yesterday. I had 2 and a half hours to let them talk, and restore tranquility to this space. I didn't want my kid to hear any of this. Kids try to act like they are playing or watching TV, but if you want to know anything about anything, ask a child. They know everything that goes on in a house and they talk...alot!

My friend said that she really didn't want to face her husband alone, and since both of them were friends of mine, she wanted to come to my place. I invited my man over just in case things got out of hand. I love my girl, but I didn' t know what kind of mindset she was in. I needed a witness!

They both got there a little after 6:00 p.m. She looked at him and said. "This is your opportunity to come clean. Tell me everything. You will only get this chance once, so use it wisely." She pulled a small tape recorder from her purse and placed it on the table. We all looked confused. She then pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to him. She had a contract drawn up, stating that he was aawre that his conversation was being recorded. He signed, and then I signed as a witness. I must admit. At first I was worried, but now, I was impressed by how rationally my girl was thinking.

He then began to tell the story of how he would stop by to see these women when he was supposed to be out playing ball with his boys...He said the he would see them at lunch( He would bring her lunch afterwards so that she wouldn't be suspicious of his whereabouts). He said he would visit them when he was supposed to be helping his parents...he always found a way to be with them, but never interrupted his home life....Stolen moments... No late night phone calls...he always came home at a decent hour. He took her on trips, and they spent plenty of time together, but it still was not enough! He wanted more!

My friend didn't shed a tear. She just starred at him in disbelief, too shocked to even speak. He went on to tell us all the details of his affairs. He said that he would willingly give her a divorce, and let her be free to live her life....Now it was her turn to speak. She didn't say much, but one things that she said stuck with me. She told him that she wished him the best, and she told him that she would be okay. She turned to him one last time and said,
"I am not going to try to harm you or hurt you in any way, because that's not me, I am a class act at all times. I only wish that you someday feel the same pain that you afforded me."My girl was out for revenge!

She turned the tape recorder off, and put it back in her purse. Then she let out a long sigh and said, "oh yeah, I'm pregnant." I was stunned. He got this happy look on his face, and we were looking at him like WTF? She said that she would not be keeping the child, seeing that she didn't want to bring a child into this type of situation. I didn't know what to say. But I can't judge her. I don't know I would react in this situation. She was married, financially stable, and healthy. She worked so hard to have this baby for him, but now, she was willing to give it up. She said that her child deserved a better life. But the relationship was a mess! He begged her to keep the baby, but soon saw that his words were falling on deaf ears. He cried a long, hard, deep, cry. S***, I even started crying! But not for him, I wept silently for my friend. A woman that was so strong, yet at this moment, I could only imagine how this must be for her. I have been hurt before, but I never want a portion of what she is feeling right now in my life anymore.

He walked out the door. She just sat there. No goodbyes, no apologies. Just sadness and anger. She said that she needed to hear him say it, and mean it. I told her, it will come in time. She turned to me, and I hugged my friend. I just held her, and cried with her. She said that she really didn't want to kill her child. I really could not offer her any advice at that moment. All I told her to make sure that she was making the right choice for herself, and to follow her heart. She said that she was not going to get rid of the baby, but she didn't want him around for the pregnancy. She would tell him after the baby was born. she said that he chose how their marriage would be on HIS terms, but she was having this baby on HER terms. She is in for a rude awakening. No matter how much she hates this man right now, that child will love him and think that he can do no wrong. She will have to have contact with him no matter what. I really don't think she understands that she is forming a lifelong bond with him. Maybe at this moment, her anger is speaking for her. She has about 7 months to think about it. She said that she could not imagine getting rid of a baby that she had worked so hard to concieve. I let her know that being a single parent is hard work, but I feel instant gratification everytime I look into my little girl's eyes.

She stopped crying and let me know what had been going on with her for the last few days. She had been staying with a friend out of town. She said that she needed an instant change of scenery, but she realized that if she made a permenant move, she would miss her family and friends too much. I'm glad that she came home.

She decided to keep the house. She is going to take his a** to the cleaners, and he willingly said that he would give her anything she wants. She earned it! I feel that my friend is going to use this child to try to get revenge on her husband. This is really turning out to be a sad situation. I just hope that as a friend, my girl will listen to me, and not use this child as a pawn. I told her that a real man will sacrifice anything for his children. In reality, he sacrificed his marriage for the two he already has. I think she understood what I was trying to say, but it will take a little more grim reality to convince her. Well, that's what friends are for. They give it to you straight, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. For the sake of this child!

What would you do in this situtaion? Would you keep the baby?

How do you feel about mothers/fathers using their kids to get back at their ex?

Over-Protective or Not?

My friend called on Saturday from an anonymous number. She told me that she was okay, and I told her that I had let her mother know what was going on. She said she would call her mom to let her know that she was okay. She told me that she might be moving in the near future. She said that this town is not big enough for the both of them . She cannot fathom the thought of seeing him with his kid. I wanted to let her know at that point that it was two kids instead of one, but I would be doing that coward a favor, I'll let him tell her. She really wouldn't give me any details on her whereabouts. She just told me that she was out of town clearing her head, and she was okay. At this point, that was enough for me. At least I know she is alive, and okay, physically. Thanks for sending all those prayers up for my girl!

I decided that I wouldn't post about the Oscar's because I know there will be a S***load of posts about them but I do have to say one things. Was it me or did every WP in the building stop breathing when 3-6 Mafia took the stage. That was a signature Oscar moment. Now you know Kanye was somewhere about to s*** a brick because someone beat him to the punch!

I spent the weekend with my man and my daughter. We did the 'family thing' all weekend. It is really hard for me to allow a man to get close to my little girl. It's not that I don't trust him, because I do. I just have to be extra cautious, because if anything happened to my daughter and it MY fault, I would not be able to live with myself.

I had never told him how I feel about this situation. The only men I feel comfortable about leaving my daughter alone with are my brother(he used to keep my bad a** when we were growing up), My dad( my mom is normally always there, but I still trust him), and her father. Other than that. She is either with one of my grannies or with me. I think he sensed my uneasiness on Sunday afternoon. My family had dinner at my house this week, and my mom asked him to go to the store around the corner. My daughter ran in an said, "I want to go", and he said, "okay, come one." I immediately looked at her and said "No!". She gave me this puzzled look and walked out of the room disappointed. He gave me that "we need to talk" look and left for the store.

When he came back from the store, he took me into my bedroom to talk. I could tell that he was upset. He wanted to know why I had embarrassed him in front of my family. I told him that I was truly sorry if I had embarrassed him, but I am very cautious of my daughter. He really looked hurt when I tried to explain it to him, and I could tell he didn't understand. How can I explain it to him in a way that he would understand? It's not my distrust for him that makes me over-protective of my child. It's my insecurity with the world around me that makes me react in the way I do. I would expect her father to react in the same manner if someone wanted to take my daughter without him around. How would you handle this situation if a child that you loved and you were responsible for was involved. I know it was only around the corner, but if I let her go this time, then she will expect to go all the time.

I explained the situation to my daughter when she was going to bed last night. I told her that no matter what, she is never to go with anyone alone unless it was someone in her close family that I named above. She understood.

He spent the night with us last night, and I could tell that he was still not satisfied with the answer that I gave him. Maybe he will understand when he has a child of his own...Even though he is upset, I still feel I made the right decision.

What are your thoughts?

And Then, There Were 2.....

Well, my girl still has not turned up. No one has heard from her still. I'm still worried...Still praying. I'm calling her momma today and spilling the beans. I know I promised her I wouldn't say anything, but I have to. Some promises are just too much to keep. I am a loyal friend, but this is asking too much. I am giving her until sundown. If she still hasn't turned up or called, I'm telling!

Her husband came by my house yesterday because now he is worried out of his mind. I'm not one for "I told you so" but what in the heck did he expect? He asked me what I knew, and I told him. Then he said, "There is more." He said that he has another son by another chic, but he has not told my friend yet. He wanted to let her digest the news of the first one, before hitting her with the second. The news hit me like a ton of bricks, and he's not even my husband.

Tears flowed from his eyes as he told me how it happened. He said that he and my friend were not even having problems. He just did it. My friend never stressed him about his whereabouts, so he found that it was easy to cheat on her. So he did it.
I was like, "Was she supposed to keep up with you? Should she have had a low-jack put on your car or a tracking device on your phone? Is it our responsibility to keep up with our mates? Whatever happened to trust?"

He said that he didn't love the other women, it just happened. I told him, nothing JUST HAPPENS, we have to make it Happen! He said the he took the wrong approach in telling his wife. His words were cruel and uncompromising. He said that she just cried. She didn't argue or scream, she just cried and asked him to leave. Something inside of me would not let me feel sorry for him. All I could think about as I looked at him was, my girl is someone suffering(mentally or physically), all because of you. I hope nothing happens to my friend. If something does, it will be hard for me not to HATE (yes hate), this man.

I was barely able to talk to my teen group this week. I just listened as they talked, but my mind was not there with them.

He came back to my house last night. He hasn't told his family yet (not even about his 2 kids). What is he waiting for. It's not like it's going to go away! He says that he loves his wife, and would die if something happened to her. He fell asleep on my couch. It took everything in me not to him in the head with a skillet. Against my better judgment, I just woke him up, and told him that he needed to leave ( I would have much rather beat his a** while he was asleep, but I decided against it) .

How can you love someone and cheat on them? Is it possible? Is it really love? How could you have a child by a person that you don't love? I understand that things happen, but twice! Could you forgive a man/woman for this? Would you still want to be with your husband/wife.

Til death do us part....How far do those vows really go?

The Drama of Friendship!

I'm back blog buddies!

Last night, my friends and I all went out. You would think my man would be tired of looking at me after being closed up in the house with me for 2 days, but he happily tagged along...He's got it BAD! I normally don't go out too much during the week because I have to start my mornings fairly early. I was 'child-less' for the night so I went for it! We had to get my girl out of the house!

She has been married for 5 years and she found out that her husband was cheating on her for 4. They were trying to have kids, but have been unsuccessful. She also found out he has a 2 year old daughter by this woman. She is a wreck. Won't eat, won't sleep. I've been going by and checking on her for a few minutes everyday (even during my rendezvous). Yesterday, it was like she snapped out of it and wanted to go out. I looked into her eyes and saw an emptiness. One that didn't live there before. Her face looks tired and stressed. She drowned her sorrows in the devils nectar last night. I am so concerned about her. Her husband was her life, and having his baby was her dream.

She still thinks she is going to wake up, and someone will tell her that this was all a bad dream. But the reality of it hit her in the face yesterday. He told her that if she cannot accept his child, then he was leaving...He moved out yesterday.

Yesterday morning, she kept saying that she didn't want to live without him. I seriously think my girl is going to try to kill herself. All of the signs are there. I keep calling her to make sure she answers the phone, and if she doesn't, I go to her house. Before last night, she refused to leave the house.

I called this morning, and as strange as it seems, she said was getting dressed for work (at 3:00 am). I didn't believe her, and went over there. I know she had to have a hangover, because the girl was hitting the bottle really hard last night. I called her job to see if she made it, but they said she had taken a 2 week leave of absence. I am so worried right now. I hope she doesn't go and do anything foolish to get herself into trouble. Maybe she is just having a little indiscretion of her own, to ever the score...She is not at home and she is not answering her cell phone. Her husband called me to see if I had heard from her( and I'm like WTF). Even though I didn't really want to talk to him, I knew that he did love her( I hope no one ever shows me love like that), and he was just concerned. I told him that I talked to her early this morning, but I have no clue where she is. I don't know if he is scared for his life or worried, but he is loosing it. He keeps calling me to see if she has turned up, but she hasn't. He has already stopped by my house twice this morning. I don't want to alarm her family yet, because she still has not told them. I don't know what to do. Hopefully she will turn up soon. I pray that she is safe wherever she is, and that she will just snap out of it and go home.

Friends can get you twisted up into all kinds of things. Here I am wondering if my girl is going to kill herself or this man. And to think, I was in total bliss less than 24 hours ago.

What type of trouble have your friends gotten you into?

Just Stoppin In

I am SEX-HAUSTED! But Im not done yet! I'm still giving my man the opportunity to Luv Me! No work...all play!

I'll check back with you guys in Blogland tomorrow!