I Thought I was Thinking Straight....
Have you ever had a friend that revealed a secret to you, and you find yourself thinking differently about them after they have told you? Unconsciously...
It happened to me this weekend. I decided to hang out with my friends Saturday night. My boy Softspoken is back, and he was pretty tired from his trip. I wasn't up for going anywhere either, so we all decided to stay at place, watch movies, and chill...And some, drink too d*** much! It was nice though.
One of my girls recently split up with her husband. For those of you that follow my blog, this is the same friend with the cheating ex- husband, which resulted in 2 kids...For those that don't know the history, you can read up on it in the past posts...The Drama of Friendship and And Then, There Were 2... She is still feeling pretty down, so we were all trying to cheer her up. She is going through a tough divorce right now, so things a pretty hectic in her world.
Later, while we were in the middle of a movie, she called me into the kitchen. My friends are always at my house, so I know that they know where everything is better than I do. But, reluctantly, I tore myself away from under my Boo's right arm to go see what she wanted. When I walked in, she was sitting on a barstool at the island(I have an island kitchen), with an empty glass, and tears in her eyes. Of course, I had to listen to what she had to say... She had this strange look in her eyes. She said that she had talked to her ex, and he said that she had given him herpes. OMG!
I didn't really know what to think. Had my girl been creepin'? Or was he just proving to be an even bigger dog than I thought. I got this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, and asked if she was sure that she didn't have it.
Now I am no expert on STDs. I get tested, and make sure that my partner does too. With all that's out there right now, you never can be too safe. I asked her how long had she known. She said that she didn't know. She said that she went to the doctor soon after he told her, and her results were negative for all STDs. She didn't take and HIV test(which I strongly recommended) , so her results came back fairly quickly. She said that she is still at risk, since this virus can be dormant for for a while. She said that when she told him her results, he started to go off on her. Calling her a liar. Now this man cheated with not one, but 2 women, and he's calling her a liar. WTF?
After that, I started to feel really strange. My friends know I have a taste of OCD in my system when it comes to cleaning, but I really went overboard after she told me this. I found myself cleaning the bathroom, and washing the dishes as soon as they used them. Her revelation had unnerved me, and I felt bad. Was I cleaning because I felt like she had contaminated my house? I couldn't help but think...What if she does have it...Can we catch it from the toilet seat...What do I need to do to keep this from spreading to my other friends? I had to sit down for a minute an re-group.
I have always been open-minded and accepting of many things, so I felt bad for the way that I was thinking and acting. Was I wrong? Or was I just being cautious? For a moment, I had turned into the one thing that I hated most in the world, a hypocit. I judged my friend, and really didn't know all the facts. I had to check myself, re-evaluate my thinking, and be what I know I am, a good friend. It's good when we are able to find the imperfections within ourselves and correct them before we hurt the people we really care about.
Have you ever had a friend reveal something to you, and you instantly found yourself judging that person, even though you knew you were wrong? How did you act on your thoughts?
It happened to me this weekend. I decided to hang out with my friends Saturday night. My boy Softspoken is back, and he was pretty tired from his trip. I wasn't up for going anywhere either, so we all decided to stay at place, watch movies, and chill...And some, drink too d*** much! It was nice though.
One of my girls recently split up with her husband. For those of you that follow my blog, this is the same friend with the cheating ex- husband, which resulted in 2 kids...For those that don't know the history, you can read up on it in the past posts...The Drama of Friendship and And Then, There Were 2... She is still feeling pretty down, so we were all trying to cheer her up. She is going through a tough divorce right now, so things a pretty hectic in her world.
Later, while we were in the middle of a movie, she called me into the kitchen. My friends are always at my house, so I know that they know where everything is better than I do. But, reluctantly, I tore myself away from under my Boo's right arm to go see what she wanted. When I walked in, she was sitting on a barstool at the island(I have an island kitchen), with an empty glass, and tears in her eyes. Of course, I had to listen to what she had to say... She had this strange look in her eyes. She said that she had talked to her ex, and he said that she had given him herpes. OMG!
I didn't really know what to think. Had my girl been creepin'? Or was he just proving to be an even bigger dog than I thought. I got this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, and asked if she was sure that she didn't have it.
Now I am no expert on STDs. I get tested, and make sure that my partner does too. With all that's out there right now, you never can be too safe. I asked her how long had she known. She said that she didn't know. She said that she went to the doctor soon after he told her, and her results were negative for all STDs. She didn't take and HIV test(which I strongly recommended) , so her results came back fairly quickly. She said that she is still at risk, since this virus can be dormant for for a while. She said that when she told him her results, he started to go off on her. Calling her a liar. Now this man cheated with not one, but 2 women, and he's calling her a liar. WTF?
After that, I started to feel really strange. My friends know I have a taste of OCD in my system when it comes to cleaning, but I really went overboard after she told me this. I found myself cleaning the bathroom, and washing the dishes as soon as they used them. Her revelation had unnerved me, and I felt bad. Was I cleaning because I felt like she had contaminated my house? I couldn't help but think...What if she does have it...Can we catch it from the toilet seat...What do I need to do to keep this from spreading to my other friends? I had to sit down for a minute an re-group.
I have always been open-minded and accepting of many things, so I felt bad for the way that I was thinking and acting. Was I wrong? Or was I just being cautious? For a moment, I had turned into the one thing that I hated most in the world, a hypocit. I judged my friend, and really didn't know all the facts. I had to check myself, re-evaluate my thinking, and be what I know I am, a good friend. It's good when we are able to find the imperfections within ourselves and correct them before we hurt the people we really care about.
Have you ever had a friend reveal something to you, and you instantly found yourself judging that person, even though you knew you were wrong? How did you act on your thoughts?
posted by LUVIN ME @ 6:43 AM
16 Comments:
At 8:01 AM,
Ladynay said…
To answer you question, I can't think of when I have.
But what confuses me is how does her ex know that he got it from her? Why is she feeling bad about it unless she knows she has been with someone outside her husband? I mean if she was only sexing her husband than she could have threw it up in his face instantly that he got it from the other women and not her, then cussed his tail out for possibly giving it to HER! Something don't sound right.
At 8:38 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@ladynay...My thoughts exactly!
@Dee...I feel a little better...Even after I checked myself yesterday, I got up this morning cleaning again...I really hope that she doesn't have it.
At 8:57 AM,
TTD said…
im w/ ladynay.. if i knew i wasnt stepping out.. i would be all in his face cursiong him out! and if i was stepping out.. i wouldnt be so devestated about the divorce..
yes i find myself judging a friend when they tell me things.. but it's really only 1 friend that i do it w/ and it's b/c the decisions she makes are stupid and i know that she knows better.. i try not to be so judgmental.. btu it's hard sometimes
At 9:12 AM,
Paula D. said…
This is crazy. When I was in college, a real good friend of mine told me she was bisexual & that she was currently involved with another girl.
I was cool, but on the inside I was wondering why she hadn't told me this a year ago. I didn't trip, but I did stop changing my clothes in front of her.
At 10:26 AM,
Ms.Honey said…
He probably knew that he gave it to her and wanted her to feel bad. It's only right for you to think the way you think but as her friend of course you being there for her is the most important thing..cause she is probably thinking that you are looking at her funny and wondering what you think of her.
At 11:35 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@paula...College...those were some crazy times!
@Honey-libra...I am trying to be a good friend, I just hope she didn't do anything crazy!
At 2:16 PM,
~HoustonNY~ said…
You know, I had a situation similar to DEE. I have a friend who told me he was HIV positive. Nothing changed between us regarding our friendship, but I found that I was conflicted when he would want to know who one of my cute friends were. Now the guy is VERY nice looking also and has a great body. He did ask one of my friends out and I did not know what to do!!! Do I tell my friend that the guy was positive, or do I trust that the guy would be honest and tell my friend about it..... What would you have done???
At 2:27 PM,
LUVIN ME said…
@terrance...I feel everyone has a right to know. I had a similar situation with her. She is separated, so she feels free to date whomever she pleases. One of my other friends tried to talk to her on Sunday afternoon, and I just told him that it was in his best intrest to leave her alone. He was confused, but thank goodness he trusts my judgement. He left it alone, but he called me later to find out what was up. I just told him that her situation is very crazy, and to just stay out of it. I got off pretty easily, without having to explain the details. But if push came to shove, I would tell him. She would be mad, but...I'd just have to deal with the consequences.
At 3:34 PM,
Msnhim said…
I try not to judge my friends cause I wouldn't want them to judge me. Maybe you should talk to your girl cause her reaction to what he said ... it doesn't sound right.
At 4:48 PM,
feels good b n FREE said…
wow...
i have had a friend reveal something to me that changed my opinion of her.
But knowing i was wrong, I didn't let on and I still talk to her.
But about the STD, I know where u r coming from...but she prlly really needs u now.
At 4:48 PM,
feels good b n FREE said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
At 6:33 PM,
Abeni said…
Well I would freak too-perfectly natural I would think.I try not too be judgemental but I have drawn away from persons whose bit of news has disappointed me.
At 9:34 PM,
Darbs said…
Yes...I have. It was regarding religion and spirituality. I was very shocked by her views as I never knew her to feel the way she is feeling as of late.
I had to internally check myself and remind myself that we are all different and that this does not have to change our friendship (because I was wondering how I was going to continue to be friends with her).
Then, I talked to her about it to gain understanding of where she was coming from and why. This helps A LOT because with understanding comes acceptance.
She still continues to be my best friend, regardless of her personal opinions.
At 5:28 AM,
TrinaBeingTrina said…
I remember when my cousin brought a friend of hers back home with her after she was in Texas for 8 year and he is HIV +. I was very cautious around him because that is your natural instinct. Now he is realy a part of our family and we love him to death. The point is I understand exactly where you are coming from because something like that is real serious.
But I realy want to know is there a possibility that she gave it to him or is he just trippin' and trying to run a guilt trip on her.
At 6:45 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@All...My girl says that she DID NOT step out on her husband, even though her story was a little shady. She says that she is just worried because she slept with someone after they broke up, but she never slept with her husband after that. She says that if she does have 'it', he gave it to her. So, I do feel a little better about the situation, even though it is unfortunate for her. I love her to death...but I am still cautious.
At 2:53 PM,
Shug said…
Girl...I completely feel you on this whole situation. I have friend that has the same STD and she came to visit me. I FREAKED out! I sprayed and washed everything after she left. I felt bad, but you can never be too careful.
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