It gets Deeper....

At what age does a person learn to listen. Now, I'm not talking about hearing. Listening and hearing are two different things. You can hear what a person says, and not be listening to what they are saying.

Yesterday, I realized that people do not listen to what is being said to them. They hear what the person has to say, pick of the details they want to hear, and disregard the things that they don't want to hear.

My friend showed up looking weary. She and her husband decided to meet at my place. Now, this is my girl and all, but am I wrong for really not wanting this s*** to go down in my spot? Thank goodness my daughter had dance class yesterday. I had 2 and a half hours to let them talk, and restore tranquility to this space. I didn't want my kid to hear any of this. Kids try to act like they are playing or watching TV, but if you want to know anything about anything, ask a child. They know everything that goes on in a house and they talk...alot!

My friend said that she really didn't want to face her husband alone, and since both of them were friends of mine, she wanted to come to my place. I invited my man over just in case things got out of hand. I love my girl, but I didn' t know what kind of mindset she was in. I needed a witness!

They both got there a little after 6:00 p.m. She looked at him and said. "This is your opportunity to come clean. Tell me everything. You will only get this chance once, so use it wisely." She pulled a small tape recorder from her purse and placed it on the table. We all looked confused. She then pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to him. She had a contract drawn up, stating that he was aawre that his conversation was being recorded. He signed, and then I signed as a witness. I must admit. At first I was worried, but now, I was impressed by how rationally my girl was thinking.

He then began to tell the story of how he would stop by to see these women when he was supposed to be out playing ball with his boys...He said the he would see them at lunch( He would bring her lunch afterwards so that she wouldn't be suspicious of his whereabouts). He said he would visit them when he was supposed to be helping his parents...he always found a way to be with them, but never interrupted his home life....Stolen moments... No late night phone calls...he always came home at a decent hour. He took her on trips, and they spent plenty of time together, but it still was not enough! He wanted more!

My friend didn't shed a tear. She just starred at him in disbelief, too shocked to even speak. He went on to tell us all the details of his affairs. He said that he would willingly give her a divorce, and let her be free to live her life....Now it was her turn to speak. She didn't say much, but one things that she said stuck with me. She told him that she wished him the best, and she told him that she would be okay. She turned to him one last time and said,
"I am not going to try to harm you or hurt you in any way, because that's not me, I am a class act at all times. I only wish that you someday feel the same pain that you afforded me."My girl was out for revenge!

She turned the tape recorder off, and put it back in her purse. Then she let out a long sigh and said, "oh yeah, I'm pregnant." I was stunned. He got this happy look on his face, and we were looking at him like WTF? She said that she would not be keeping the child, seeing that she didn't want to bring a child into this type of situation. I didn't know what to say. But I can't judge her. I don't know I would react in this situation. She was married, financially stable, and healthy. She worked so hard to have this baby for him, but now, she was willing to give it up. She said that her child deserved a better life. But the relationship was a mess! He begged her to keep the baby, but soon saw that his words were falling on deaf ears. He cried a long, hard, deep, cry. S***, I even started crying! But not for him, I wept silently for my friend. A woman that was so strong, yet at this moment, I could only imagine how this must be for her. I have been hurt before, but I never want a portion of what she is feeling right now in my life anymore.

He walked out the door. She just sat there. No goodbyes, no apologies. Just sadness and anger. She said that she needed to hear him say it, and mean it. I told her, it will come in time. She turned to me, and I hugged my friend. I just held her, and cried with her. She said that she really didn't want to kill her child. I really could not offer her any advice at that moment. All I told her to make sure that she was making the right choice for herself, and to follow her heart. She said that she was not going to get rid of the baby, but she didn't want him around for the pregnancy. She would tell him after the baby was born. she said that he chose how their marriage would be on HIS terms, but she was having this baby on HER terms. She is in for a rude awakening. No matter how much she hates this man right now, that child will love him and think that he can do no wrong. She will have to have contact with him no matter what. I really don't think she understands that she is forming a lifelong bond with him. Maybe at this moment, her anger is speaking for her. She has about 7 months to think about it. She said that she could not imagine getting rid of a baby that she had worked so hard to concieve. I let her know that being a single parent is hard work, but I feel instant gratification everytime I look into my little girl's eyes.

She stopped crying and let me know what had been going on with her for the last few days. She had been staying with a friend out of town. She said that she needed an instant change of scenery, but she realized that if she made a permenant move, she would miss her family and friends too much. I'm glad that she came home.

She decided to keep the house. She is going to take his a** to the cleaners, and he willingly said that he would give her anything she wants. She earned it! I feel that my friend is going to use this child to try to get revenge on her husband. This is really turning out to be a sad situation. I just hope that as a friend, my girl will listen to me, and not use this child as a pawn. I told her that a real man will sacrifice anything for his children. In reality, he sacrificed his marriage for the two he already has. I think she understood what I was trying to say, but it will take a little more grim reality to convince her. Well, that's what friends are for. They give it to you straight, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. For the sake of this child!

What would you do in this situtaion? Would you keep the baby?

How do you feel about mothers/fathers using their kids to get back at their ex?