I've Come A Long Way
Remembering how my life used to be. The struggles, the scraping, the no good men, the dead end job...I realize that I have come a long way. There were times that I thought I would break. Times that I was near death...Times that I thought I wouldn't make it. But I made it.
Right now I am at a point where things have been good for me, consistently. I have been able to pay my bills and then have something left over for me to actually live and enjoy my family....
As I climb the biological ladder to yet another year (I'll be 27 on next Sunday), I realize that my faith has brought me thus far, and by faith I shall continue to prosper.
Some type of job will always be there, but I realize that I must cherish my family.
I have decided to take this weekend off...He and I will get back to work first thing Monday morning...The weather has been nice, so my little family(my man, my daughter, and I) is going on a weekend rendevous. We are staying at a "Kid Friendly" hotel, so I know my daughter is going to love it. It makes it a lot easier on me too.
When was the last time that you put everything aside and gave your time to the people who are closest to you?
As you know, most of my posts are based on my experiences, or the experiences of the people around me, being that I really don't like to give an opinion on something that I know nothing about. So today won't be any different...
One of the girls in my teen group is in a situation where she has both parents in the home, but the house is divided. She and her father are on one side of the tracks( in his eyes she can do no wrong)...and her mother and older sister are on the other side. It is destroying any chance that she will have to be successful. Her father gives her things, regardless to whether she does wrong, (disrepects adults, skips school, runs away to be with her boyfriend)...It doesn't matter. Her mother talks to her in a way that no mother should ever speak to their child. She calls her every name in the book, and degrades her on a daily basis. The father is trying to buy his child's love. He thinks it will change the way she acts.
Now they have sent her to me because neither parent can control her. I can counsel her all day long, but when she goes back to such a unheathly environment, it seems that my work is in vain. She comes to me week in and week out, but nothing has changed. How do I get these parents to see that THEY are this child's biggest problem? Do you have any suggestions because at this point I am all out of answers...I have talked to them. They stop for a few weeks, then it right back to the same old thing. I suggested that they all go see a family counselor. They looked at me like I was nuts. They said, "We're not the ones in danger, she is." I don't want to give up on them, but what is a sistah to do?
Where did the breakdown of the family begin...Absentee parents? Abuse? Or is it that the parents just don't care? Or do they not know how to be a parent to these kids?
Right now I am at a point where things have been good for me, consistently. I have been able to pay my bills and then have something left over for me to actually live and enjoy my family....
As I climb the biological ladder to yet another year (I'll be 27 on next Sunday), I realize that my faith has brought me thus far, and by faith I shall continue to prosper.
Some type of job will always be there, but I realize that I must cherish my family.
I have decided to take this weekend off...He and I will get back to work first thing Monday morning...The weather has been nice, so my little family(my man, my daughter, and I) is going on a weekend rendevous. We are staying at a "Kid Friendly" hotel, so I know my daughter is going to love it. It makes it a lot easier on me too.
When was the last time that you put everything aside and gave your time to the people who are closest to you?
As you know, most of my posts are based on my experiences, or the experiences of the people around me, being that I really don't like to give an opinion on something that I know nothing about. So today won't be any different...
One of the girls in my teen group is in a situation where she has both parents in the home, but the house is divided. She and her father are on one side of the tracks( in his eyes she can do no wrong)...and her mother and older sister are on the other side. It is destroying any chance that she will have to be successful. Her father gives her things, regardless to whether she does wrong, (disrepects adults, skips school, runs away to be with her boyfriend)...It doesn't matter. Her mother talks to her in a way that no mother should ever speak to their child. She calls her every name in the book, and degrades her on a daily basis. The father is trying to buy his child's love. He thinks it will change the way she acts.
Now they have sent her to me because neither parent can control her. I can counsel her all day long, but when she goes back to such a unheathly environment, it seems that my work is in vain. She comes to me week in and week out, but nothing has changed. How do I get these parents to see that THEY are this child's biggest problem? Do you have any suggestions because at this point I am all out of answers...I have talked to them. They stop for a few weeks, then it right back to the same old thing. I suggested that they all go see a family counselor. They looked at me like I was nuts. They said, "We're not the ones in danger, she is." I don't want to give up on them, but what is a sistah to do?
Where did the breakdown of the family begin...Absentee parents? Abuse? Or is it that the parents just don't care? Or do they not know how to be a parent to these kids?
posted by LUVIN ME @ 6:58 AM
16 Comments:
At 8:05 AM,
Newy said…
Where did the breakdown of the family begin...Absentee parents? Abuse? Or is it that the parents just don't care? Or do they not know how to be a parent to these kids?
All of the above. Alot of times people parent how they were parented. They may not have been emotionally ready to have kids or because she is not the "ideal" child, they act out of frustration. They may not know how to parent a child who won't listen etc. Often as parents we forget what it was like to be a child. In addition, times are so different now that when our kids act in ways we never dreamed of acting when we were their age, we lash out. Family Counseling is definitely recommended. I have an idea, give the child a tape recorder and have her record an incident with the family. Then play it for them all (without telling them it is their family) They probably don't even realize how bad it is until they HEAR it for themselves as a 3rd party observer.
At 8:26 AM,
Ladynay said…
Have fun with your lil fam!
I think your teen maybe beyond you, not to say that you can't help, but if the parents are not willing to change it's not much you can do but offer to be there when the teen needs you. They need group/family counseling, not just her.
At 8:35 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@mznew...That's a great idea!
#=@ladynay...I too think this one is out of me reach. I'm a mentor not a magician...
At 8:55 AM,
fuzzy said…
I believe that if one member of the family is in danger then all of the family is in danger. It is everyones concern to help the weak link to maintain the strong bond. If the link remains weak for too long the chance and the probability of it regaining its oririnal strength is very low. Have you had the chance to talk to all of them as a group and explain what exactly is happening and why they need a family counselor? Convincing somebody may have to come to forcing a worst possible scenario to get it into their heads that the situation is REAL!
At 8:58 AM,
fuzzy said…
Also, I agree with Ladynay. The teen may be beyond your help. If the parents are negating your effect then your work is in vain. The last thing you can do for the family as a whole is make them realize that they need help.
At 8:59 AM,
TTD said…
that's a tough one.. i dont know but i like mznewa's idea..
have a good weekend!!
At 9:02 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@fuzzy...That's the direction I am going in now. I first had to find the source of the problem. Now that that has been identified, all I can do is point them in the right direction. It's hard to convince people that they need when when they really believe in their hearts that there is nothing wrong. They have to want it for it to be effective.
At 9:03 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@fuzzy...You are wise beyond your years....
At 9:03 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@ttd...You have a good weekend too!
At 10:24 AM,
Freaky Deaky said…
I don't really have anything to add to the advice already given. The whole family needs counseling and if hearing the way they actually talk to each other and her doesn't convince them of that, I don't think there's much you can do.
Hope you have a great weekend.
At 11:16 AM,
Ms.Honey said…
WOW...alot going on. I could go on and on but some people need to use common sense when dealing with children they will do what you allow them to do and what you feed into them is what you get back. I pray that you are impacting her but you just being there and showing her thorough your words and actions shows her that life doesn't and will not be like it is at home if she chooses it to be different. I am blessed to have my parents who are on the same side of the fence...I love them and can only hope that I'm half the parent that they are. When I get time off and go home I devote all my time to my family even if it's just us loungin around watchin the tube.
At 11:29 AM,
deepnthought said…
I agree,with the advice given. They have to be willing to receive help.
I hope you have a great weekend.
At 1:50 PM,
~HoustonNY~ said…
Hey babe! I agree with most of the comments thus far, especially mznewagenda. I think that it is all of the above. But don't get me started....you know how long winded I can be.
Have a GREAT weekend!!!! Root for me in my two Fantasy Football Pools!
At 2:57 PM,
LUVIN ME said…
Thanks to everyone for the comments...I think I'm in over my head...
At 4:13 PM,
Abeni said…
Seems to me you done all you could.The parents should be smart enough to compromise on the rearing process.
At 4:41 PM,
Emotionalbrotha said…
Damn.. I guess i look at it like this. Most of us learn from models and most likely both parents are utilizing the same parenting style that their parents used with them. I.E my father cant love me becuz he's father didn't love him (at least that's the rational in my brain)
Honestly, i don't understand how a parent could abuse a child or allow someone else to abuse a child but i guess that would be a bigger question for my mother since she allowed my brother and i to be abused.. she said it was fear... ot maybe it's control.. u want to control the child but dont have the proper resources.. and we all know u cant control someone at any rate.
Ok, lets get back on track...-->in order for the situation to change it has to start with the parents and they have to want to change and change takes time.. Remember most of us do everything to avoid change.. we want "stability" i suppose...
but the breakdown is with the parents.. and i agree with u they need family counseling
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