How Far Does Trust Go?

He walked into the house and didn't say a word. No kiss, no hug, no "how was your day" just total silence. He sat on the couch holding his head, trying to figure out how to approach the situation.

We had a really big argument yesterday afternoon. I guess it had been building up for some time. Yesterday, the s*** hit the fan. Normally I listen to him, but if my heart is set on something and I feel it will benefit us in the long run, I'm going to do it.

I have been saving for the last few months for the wedding. I didn't tell him about the money that I had saved for the simple fact that I didn't feel the need to. I wasn't keeping it from him purposely. In my eyes I was just saving...

I told him yesterday afternoon that I finally had enough money to pay for everyone's flight and hotel room. He looked at me as if I had spit in his face. He was like, "When were you going to tell me that you were saving for the wedding behind me back? I told you that I would take care of it" I was like WTF? Behind your back? I was just saving. I have done it all my life, and now is not an exception. He says that he feels I am too independent. He says it's like I cut him off before he can ever get started.

I am a visionary, or at least I try to be. The buyer that was supposed to purchase his house pulled out before he could close the deal so now he has 3 months to find a new buyer, plus he has several other things on his plate. He said that he could handle it, so I didn't get involved. But what is wrong with me making sure that my wedding day is all that I want it to be? What if he doesn't find a buyer before our trip? What if he has to keep paying for a house that he doesn't live in? I didn't say these things to him, but it is the grim reality of home ownership.

He said that I didn't allow him to be the man. I feel like marriage is a partnership. When one person is having a problem, the other one should step up to the plate to help. Yesterday, I saw that our ideas are different. He feels that I should just let him handle it. He asked me if I would keep my money, and let him take care of things like he said he would. After a couple of hours of going back and forth I decided to just let it be. If he wants to stress himself with financial matters, I'm going to let him do. I will continue saving though because he just might let his mouth write a check that his behind can't cash...

I thought it was over. He came home yesterday evening with the same thing. To me, it's not that serious. I saved some money and offered to help him. What's the big deal? He said to me, "Honey, I am not one of your charity cases. I am the man that is soon to be your husband, and I don't need you to fix this for me." I sat there for a moment, taking in what he said. Is that how he thought of me. Does he feel that I try to fix people? I don't know why those words hurt so much, but I refused to let him see me shed a tear...I cried in the shower... We spent the rest of the evening not saying a word, although every time we passed each other, we looked at each other with that familiar look...but anger was outweighing love at that moment.

For the first time, we went to bed angry. It took me a while to drift off to sleep. I laid there next to him, listening to him breathe. Angry that he thought I tried to fix him... Then I heard nothing at all. Sleep had prevailed. He woke me up in the middle of the night. He was sitting on the bed next to me.

He said, "I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. It's just that you have been doing things for yourself for so long, you have to learn how to let go and let me love you and take care of you. I promise I won't fail you. You have to trust me."

I said, "Do you really think I try to fix the world?" He said, "No. You have a good heart, and you mean well, but sometimes you get in over your head trying to help others. This time, I want to help you." He was telling the truth, so I got over myself and let it go...

I have a fear of being let down by men. I am working on it though. I realize that this man is different, and I have to give him a chance to be the man he is trying to be for me. But that WILL NOT stop me from saving my own money...Next time, I'll just keep my BIG mouth shut!


Why is it so hard for us to let go, even if we know in our hearts that everything will be alright?

Why is it so hard for us as humans to fully trust another person?

I know we use the word trust loosely at times, but can you really say that you trust someone(other than your family)... with your life...your heart...your child...your friendship?