He Doesn't Know...
My family and I had a great time this weekend, but playtime is over, and I have work to do!
Being that I hang with a mixed crowd, we are faced with some challenging, and sometimes trying situations. I only blog about a few of them, but believe me, things get a little out of sorts at times...
The most recent instance came out last week at the pool party that was thrown at my house. I was so into myself and him last week that I had little time to focus on anyone else's issues...But here goes...
I have a female friend that was dating this guy. He's a real social- lite, and he is all over the place. If something is going on around town, he's in the mix. She brought him around me a couple of times. He seems cool, he's just a little over the top for my taste.... but to each his own.
After seeing him for the first time Diva said that he was gay...but then again, Diva says everyone is gay. He only mentioned it to Softspoken and I, and we really never though much about it because we know how Diva is. At that time, the guy had never seen Softspoken or Ambitious.
Long story short, my friend brought him over to the pool party. He was staring both of my boys down with a vengeance, and he was looking at my foreign coworker as well. Diva noticed this and said something to my girl about it. She says that it's normal for people to look at other people. Diva is convinced that this guy is gay, or at least curious. My girl is dead set against it.
Do you think that we naturally look at half naked people of the same sex without having sexual thoughts? Could it just be admiration?
We all met up last night after I got back in town despite the fact that I was dead tired. A friend of ours had a house warming party. After the party, we hung out for a little while at this trendy spot that we frequent. She brought him along again. This time I noticed the way he was looking at Ambitious. There was a spark of desire in his eyes...I mean, he had the look. The same look that I give my man,..Ambitious smiled at him politely, as he does everyone. My girl noticed the way he was lusting over my friend too. After about fifteen minutes or so, she breaks out with, "Are you gay?"
There was dead silence. We all wanted to know. He looked at her and said, "Why would you ask me something like that? I came here with a woman, and I am leaving with a woman. I can't believe the things you say sometimes." He was upset, and she let it go. But in the true spirit of messy a** Diva, he had to say something...He said what we all were thinking, "Excuse me but, You didn't answer the question." He got angry at the question and told my friend he was ready to go. She got up said her goodbyes, and they left.
I agree, she should not have put him on blast like that. It was so tacky...but why didn't he answer the question? After thinking about it for a moment I came to the conclusion that maybe he really didn't know the answer himself. Why does there have to be a definite yes or no? Maybe he loves women and is attracted to men as well...Whew...
I can never say that I understand what it feels like to have an attraction or feelings for someone of the same sex because at this point, I haven't had those types of feelings. I mean, I have seen pretty ladies who have nice bodies, but I have never wanted a pretty lady with a nice body... I hang around gay and straight men, and do see the tendencies that they both have. From my experiences with gay men, I have concluded that this guy does have gay tendencies, but does that mean that he is gay? My only concern is that my friend may get hurt in the process, but if she chooses to keep dating this guy after she has questioned his sexuality, then I have to let her make her own decision.
So what do you think?
Being that I hang with a mixed crowd, we are faced with some challenging, and sometimes trying situations. I only blog about a few of them, but believe me, things get a little out of sorts at times...
The most recent instance came out last week at the pool party that was thrown at my house. I was so into myself and him last week that I had little time to focus on anyone else's issues...But here goes...
I have a female friend that was dating this guy. He's a real social- lite, and he is all over the place. If something is going on around town, he's in the mix. She brought him around me a couple of times. He seems cool, he's just a little over the top for my taste.... but to each his own.
After seeing him for the first time Diva said that he was gay...but then again, Diva says everyone is gay. He only mentioned it to Softspoken and I, and we really never though much about it because we know how Diva is. At that time, the guy had never seen Softspoken or Ambitious.
Long story short, my friend brought him over to the pool party. He was staring both of my boys down with a vengeance, and he was looking at my foreign coworker as well. Diva noticed this and said something to my girl about it. She says that it's normal for people to look at other people. Diva is convinced that this guy is gay, or at least curious. My girl is dead set against it.
Do you think that we naturally look at half naked people of the same sex without having sexual thoughts? Could it just be admiration?
We all met up last night after I got back in town despite the fact that I was dead tired. A friend of ours had a house warming party. After the party, we hung out for a little while at this trendy spot that we frequent. She brought him along again. This time I noticed the way he was looking at Ambitious. There was a spark of desire in his eyes...I mean, he had the look. The same look that I give my man,..Ambitious smiled at him politely, as he does everyone. My girl noticed the way he was lusting over my friend too. After about fifteen minutes or so, she breaks out with, "Are you gay?"
There was dead silence. We all wanted to know. He looked at her and said, "Why would you ask me something like that? I came here with a woman, and I am leaving with a woman. I can't believe the things you say sometimes." He was upset, and she let it go. But in the true spirit of messy a** Diva, he had to say something...He said what we all were thinking, "Excuse me but, You didn't answer the question." He got angry at the question and told my friend he was ready to go. She got up said her goodbyes, and they left.
I agree, she should not have put him on blast like that. It was so tacky...but why didn't he answer the question? After thinking about it for a moment I came to the conclusion that maybe he really didn't know the answer himself. Why does there have to be a definite yes or no? Maybe he loves women and is attracted to men as well...Whew...
I can never say that I understand what it feels like to have an attraction or feelings for someone of the same sex because at this point, I haven't had those types of feelings. I mean, I have seen pretty ladies who have nice bodies, but I have never wanted a pretty lady with a nice body... I hang around gay and straight men, and do see the tendencies that they both have. From my experiences with gay men, I have concluded that this guy does have gay tendencies, but does that mean that he is gay? My only concern is that my friend may get hurt in the process, but if she chooses to keep dating this guy after she has questioned his sexuality, then I have to let her make her own decision.
So what do you think?
posted by LUVIN ME @ 7:18 AM
14 Comments:
At 8:31 AM,
Ladynay said…
Imma leave that alone and answer you first question.
Yes you can look at someone of the same sex fully dressed to naked and not have sexual thoughts. I have been to the beach or pool plenty of times and thought to myself "Man if I had her shape I would wear "blazah blah" or something like that. No lust anywhere up in there...
At 8:37 AM,
deepnthought said…
I am with ladynay on the first question. When I am at the gym, i moght see someone and say, only 5,645 mor push ups and miles on the tread mill to go. But no lust. You know, I just pray, that she is careful and doesnt just ignore it. But you are right, if she ignores the signs then thats her.
At 8:44 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@ladynay...I agree with you on that one.
@deepnthought...I give my opinion when it is asked of me...In this case I feel she doesn't want it, so I'll keep it to myself...
At 9:05 AM,
Enigma said…
No, I do not want a woman. I might look and say, umm I could do that if you would go to the gym more.... but I am not, ;o) LOL.
This guy, based on what you informed us of seems like he is confused about where he stands with his sexuality. He knew when she called him on it that he was observed watching your friends who are comfortable with themselves. That embarassed him prolly cause most women simply exit from his life or leave it alone not BOLDLY ask him about his sexual preference. Kudos to her for asking, even if it was not the most appropriate time.
I pray that she makes the right decison and does what is best for her.
At 9:38 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@enigma...I just hope he figures out what he wants, and that she follows her gut instinct, which made her question him in the first place...
At 9:57 AM,
TTD said…
i think that you can admire's someone of the same sex appearance.. but if you're gawking at them.. i dont think ur admiring them.. ur lusting over them..
i think dude may be curious.. but b/c of the stereotypes and the way gay men are treated may not want to come out.. but eventually he will therefore i wouldnt continue to date dude if i were ur friend cause she's probably gonna get hurt in the end
At 11:54 AM,
~HoustonNY~ said…
Yes, I think that you can look at someone of the same sex and think that they are very attractive, but not be attracted to them. That goes for all sexual orientations. Its just individual taste. HOWEVER, if you look at someone like ol' boy did to your friend with that "look" in your eye (and we ALL know what that looks like) then come on.... you know!
I do agree with you that your friend should not have put him on blast like that, but it was a valid question. And notice he still did not answer the question! Hmmm.............
At 12:52 PM,
Shug said…
Do you think that we naturally look at half naked people of the same sex without having sexual thoughts? Could it just be admiration?
Yes, I think it's just human nature to admire people's half naked bodies no matter what sex they are but I think your friend's man might need to seriously sit down and think about what he truly wants. If all of you have noticed the way he looks at other men, then that's a problem. Five or six people can't ALL be crazy. Also, him not answering the question should be a red flag that something could be wrong.
At 2:07 PM,
Miz JJ said…
Your group of friends is very accepting and you seem to be cool with homosexuality, but a lot of people are not. There is still a lot of stigma and you friend's man may not be comfotable coming out. That is why there are so many DL brothers in my opinion. Because most black people, unfortunately, are not exactly the most understanding or welcoming when it comes to homosexuality. Your friend was very wrong to put her man on blast like that. That is the kind of thing that could drive him further into the closet. I hope she's having safe sex.
At 3:32 PM,
Freaky Deaky said…
Just to play devil's advocate for a minute, even if he vehemently denied being gay, bi, or curious it's not like anyone there would've believed him. Besides your girl was wrong for putting him on blast and with the exception of the friend he's "dating" it really isn't any of their business what his sexuality is or anything else. Why should he have to defend himself to a bunch of strangers who are supposed to at least care about the friend enough to make her guest feel comfortable? The whole situation was handled poorly and without tact. Not that I'd be staring at a dude but the only answer the table would've gotten from me is a "f*** you" as I got up and left. Okay, I think I'm done playing devil's advocate.
Do you think that we naturally look at half naked people of the same sex without having sexual thoughts? Could it just be admiration?
Honestly, I don't. If you're staring like that at a half naked person I pretty much think it has to be sexual. If I honestly admired another dude's physique I'd ask him for tips or to help me train to get it not constantly stare at him. Besides being creepy it always makes the person seem like a closet case and suspect in my opinion.
So what do you think?
Sure he wasn't daydreaming? I've been caught "looking" at people when in reality I wasn't really seeing them and actually was thinking about someone else.
At 4:37 PM,
Emotionalbrotha said…
Whoa! Honestly, I think he's GAY!!!!!
LOL... Had to laugh at myself on that one.
But hey, if it walks like a duck it is a duck and homeboy didn't answer the question so he kinda answered it, without answering it.
So he's a duck and a Homo or maybe he's bi.
As far as your freind, sit down have a heart to heart with her and than remember she's a grown ass woman!
Now, for the questions..Do you think that we naturally look at half naked people of the same sex without having sexual thoughts?
Me? Hmmm... yes and no, I think i see alot of half naked peeps but don't mean i want to sex all of them.. might just be admiration..
But, lusting after the person doesn't mean anything.. and tell your friend Diva to ask men if they are bisexual not gay... she might get a different answer..
At 7:26 PM,
Superstar Nic said…
I completely echo want LadyNay said including "leaving that one alone" ;-)
I hope you have a great week!
At 6:36 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@ttd...I think he's curious too..
@southern gal...I couldn't handle it either.
@terrance...nope, he left the question out there...not that he had to answer it for us, but if he was sure of himself he would answer, and not care what anyone else thought.
@shug...We all saw it, and it wasn't cute...
@miz jj...That's true. You never know what he mjay be dealing with...his family...his job. Hmmm.
@freaky...Leave it to you to bring the heat...Only my friend knows what goes on with this man behind closed doors. His sexuality is truely not a factor to me, but I just hope that he is true to himself and doesn't hurt people in process. In my opinion, if he is confused, he should stay out of a relationship and date whomever he chooses. It will make it easier on him and the people that he is involved with...
@emotionalbrotha...Diva is a he not a she, and yes...He should have shut up...But that's like telling the sun not to shine...
@Nic...It is a touchy subject...
At 6:54 AM,
Will said…
I think when you look at half naked pictures of the same sex, it is only natural to have sexual thoughts. At least for me, after looking at them long enough, I'm going to become sexually aroused anyhow. It doens't even need to be pornographic. Just seeing the flesh can lead to such thoughts.
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