Finally

I love my man. So what am I waiting for? Why am I hesitating? He makes me happy. He is good with my daughter although he has no kids...He's nice looking, well dressed, and well spoken. Educated, successful, and has his OWN(and might I add...good credit). He is an excellent lover. So many women/men would JUMP at the chance to be with this man. He is a dream. But I have him...and why can't I just say yes...

What's holding me back? Maybe it's the fact that I have worked so hard to get to where I am today, and I don't want to welcome the possibility that my total independence will be gone. Someone else will have an equal say in what I do on a daily basis. Just the thought of that scares me for some reason. I am not restricted by my job...The fact that I have a child(her father and I equally share in the responsibility)...The money that I spend(I'm not frivolous with my money, but I do work hard and buy the things that I want)...I basically do whatever I want, and I feel like with marriage, that will be gone.

I feel a little selfish about the whole thing. My need to be in total control of my life, is the one factor that is holding me back from the man that was made for me. I'm not a control freak, but past mistakes have taught me how to be ready for the things that life tosses my way. We have had several long, drawn out discussions...How we need to make sure that the household can be ran on one income just in case something happens...The possibility of having another child in the house...The best way to resolve issues in the household...You know, the important things. The sad part about it was...He was really starting to think that it was him. I have given so much to others and I have started to feel like I have to keep something for myself. He's asking for the only thing that I have left....ME!

I went to his place last night after my teen group. He ordered dinner in. He called, and of course I didn't answer my phone, as usual. He had no clue what I wanted, and I am a very picky eater, so he got a little bit of everything. It was a nice little spread, a bit much for two people, but that's my Boo...Always aiming to please.

He wasn't talking much, so I knew something was on his mind. I asked what was wrong... It turned into a conversation that I was not ready for, so I thought( I remember the whole thing. It keeps replaying in my mind like a song)... He said, "Do I make you happy?" I said, "Of course you make me happy. Why would you ask me that?" I already knew the answer...He said, "Because you have not said yes, and it bothers me." I sat there in silence for a moment, trying to think of a way to explain the way I was feeling, but I couldn't find the words. He kept going...He said, "I love you. I don't think I could stop loving you if I wanted to. I have never met a woman that I can just be myself with. I enjoy you, even on your bad days. I am ready for you. The whole you. Your highs and lows. You are the woman that I want in my life...Forever." By now I am crying, but he didn't stop to ask if I was okay, he just kept going..."I would give you the world if I had it. You are the one that completes me. I need you in my life. You and your child are my everything. Please give me the chance to show you how much both of you mean to me." He finally stopped speaking, and looked me straight in the eyes. Then I uttered the word that he had been waiting weeks to hear, without a second thought... "Yes".

At that point, I didn't think about a date, dresses, flowers, or bridesmaids. I was just happy to be with him. I have found true love...The kind that makes even the biggest arguments, turn into laughter...The kind that makes you both smile when you see each other, like you are seeing each other for the first time, over and over again...The kind that takes only a touch to comfort any pain...the kind that is patient and enduring, loyal and honest...the kind that I knew I would someday find...the kind that some people will NEVER know...I have that in my life, and yes, it is worth preserving.

I know marriage is risky and it's hard work. Both of our parents have seemed to make it work...They have put something in us that makes us want to have the same...We have a solid foundation. Trust, honest, COMMUNICATION, the same views on most issues, and a strong physical desire for each other. I'm not going to go into this situation with thoughts of what may happen. I am just going to love him, as much as I can, for as long as I can...

Maybe I can stop crying long enough to post some questions...


Do you feel you will ever find true love? Or do you have it now?

How will you know when it's truly what you want?

What do you feel a true love could bring into your life that you don't have already?