Praise the Lord and Get Me Out of Here!

Things never go the way I plan them. I was prepared for the rain this weekend! Now tell me why it was hot and sunny yesterday, and today it will be 90 degrees in the shade. Hot weather plus Texas humidity equals an inferno!

I still had a good weekend. My Boo and I decided to get out on Sunday and go to church. I couldn't get into the service like I normally do...for some reason I felt really weird...A weekend of sinning topped off with a couple of hallelujahs...it just felt strange. I guess I was feeling a little guilty, but I got over that very fast, because we opted go back home and finish where we left off...

My cousin has been asking me to visit her husband's church, so we went. Two things that I normally don't discuss with people are religion and politics. This is simply because I have my own views, as most people do, I really don't want to hear what others have to say about what I think or how I feel. But Sunday after church, my "Holy Cousin" just got to me. Maybe it was the fact that I was already feeling guilty, but I was upset because I let her get to me.

She asked, "When are you two getting married?" I said "Soon enough." She is married to this hen-pecked, hang- on her-every-word, bible-toting, boot-leg preacher, that she only married because she was pregnant and she didn't want to shame her family. To me, those days are long gone. I will only marry when I am ready. She acts normal at family gatherings. They seem to be happy, but I was seeing a side of her that I had never seen...Then she starts quoting scriptures and telling me how I was "falling short of His glory." I didn't get upset. I actually felt sad for her. She was so wrapped up in HER religion, that she had forgotten the events that had led her to where she was. I just smirked at her and let her finish her babbling. My Boo was uneasy, but he didn't say anything.

If there is one thing I know, it's the bible. I learned it so I can understand it. I hate to speak or even have an opinion on things that I don't fully have an understanding of. I have also studied several other religions to understand them as well, but Christianity just fit me. Not what they teach you, but the understanding that I got from reading and studying on my own. I don't knock or ridicule the beliefs of others. I feel that a person's personal relationship with their higher power is a battle that they must fight within themselves.

But she basically started preaching to me right in the back of the church. Then she started jumping up and down, screaming, and waving her hands, doing some type of holy dance, saying that she was casting out the demons so I'll have a clean heart( If that was all it took then I would have been jumping and screaming a long time ago). My Boo and I just sat there and started at her like she had lost her mind. She stopped and tuned and led us to the section of the church where she was sitting.

I guess we were in the holy section, because when we sat down, these ladies gave us killer looks. They were up, clapping and waving their hands. I could tell that this was going to be a long service. One lady's holy dance looked more like the electric slide. My Boo and I started laughing when the lady next to her joined in. One thing that I can say, the choir was wonderful. There were about 15 people, but it sounded like 100. They sang with power and conviction, and one of the lead singers needs a record deal for sure! They were a talented bunch. How they ended up in this place is beyond me.

The preacher(my cousin's husband) asks for the visitors to stand and come to the front of the church. I hate churches like that! We went to the front. I was the spokesperson for my Boo and I. I have a well rehearsed speech that I save from churches like this. I said..."We bring you Greetings from the ____ Baptist Church. Where the Reverend_____ is my pastor. " I guess it was acceptable, because they moved on to the next person. But then EVERYONE in the church came around to shake our hands. UUGGGGHHH. All that human contact was a little too much for me. Maybe I was being anal, but I had to wash my hands. Some of those people...I won't even get into it, lets just say, I excused myself after it was over.

The preacher started preaching, and the people start yelling and falling out. I see white sheets and anointed oil all over the place. I was so ready to go. After 3 offerings, testimonies, and shouting. One testimony stuck in my mind. This lady was testifying about how she was waiting on the Lord is send her a man...A doctor, who would take care of her, buy her nice things, and love her to the end of time. I guess she took praying for specifics literally. From the looks of her, lets hope he a plastic surgeon..I had had enough! Then the preacher comes down and starts to speak about the church needing 'help" from its members. Then her starts saying...If you can give $5 come forth...If you can give $10 please come...If you can give $20 bring it to the Lord...God is waiting on his $50. Right when he got to the $100 mark, my Boo and I stood up to leave, and everyone starts shouting. Instead of heading to the front, we turned and walked towards the back doors. We almost had to wrestle the usher to get out of there. They have taken non-denominational to another level! That wasn't a church. That was a cult. We were so glad to get out of there. Never Again!


Have you ever been to a strange church?

Have you ever had anyone try to shove their religion down your throat?

Have you ever had a spout with someone over religion?