Boundaries
All this hangin' out with my Boo has left little time for everyone else...
With love, it is also important to have friends in your life....Girls, and guys. We told our parents yesterday. Everyone is happy...but you know with me, there has to be twist..more details on that later...I don't have the energy for that right now.
My friends are taking us out this weekend to celebrate. They are calling it our "See What You Are Missing" weekend. With love like this, I don't mind missing it!
My best freind Softspoken( at least he is that way with everyone else) and my Boo have different ways of doing things which make them both special to me. Generally, my man will try to tell me things without hurting my feelings. He is delicate with his words. My friend just tells me like it is, whether I want to hear it or not.
My friends VS My Man
My man would say,"Are you going to wear that?"
My friend would say,"Girl, go take that s*** off. I know you didn't think you were going with me looking like that."
My man would say, "It's going to be okay."
My friend would say, "Girl shut that s*** up! It ain't worth it"
My man would say, "Please answer your phone today. I need to talk to you about something."
My best friend would be knocking on my door if I don't answer my phone.
My man would try to talk things out and must be provoked before he will fight.
My best friend will be right beside me, fighting now and talking later.
Softspoken and I are two peas in a pod. We are so much alike that it is scary! He travels with his job, so I don't get to see him as much as I would like to. We talked for hours yesterday. The he came over and we talked some more. He is happy for me, but he is also sad. Marriage can really change things. Now, he can come to my house when he wants, eat, sleep...Do whatever. When I am married, he won't be able to do that anymore...I guess that makes me a little sad too.
My Boo made the comment yesterday, "How is it that you can stay on the phone with that man for hours at a time, but you hate the phone." My reply was, "The same way I can talk to you for hours at a time. When people have something to say, and I want to hear it, I talk. I talk to you because I love to hear your voice, and I want to hear what you have to say. I talk to him, because he has something to say as well. " He wasn't upset, and he took the BS answer that I gave him....What I really wanted to say was, "I talk to him because I want to. That's my friend. He needs me too!" But, I just couldn't do it. I avoided comparing the two of them...I would have been setting myself up for disaster...It's just different. I answer the phone for my family, and for my Boo, and for Softspoken, but if I feel a person is calling me with meaningless chatter, I don't answer. I just call them back later.
I don't think my Boo is jealous of Softspoken. At least he doesn't show it. But only time will tell. Even though Softspoken is gay, deep down I think that my man feels a little threatened my me being so close to another man.
Honestly, I can see where my man is coming from. I would feel a little strange if a woman was spending the night at his house...gay or straight. Trust is one thing, but being just plain stupid is another. This is something that I need to discuss with him soon. I need to see where his head is.
I know that people can have good friends of the opposite sex that they are not attracted to. I have a few. But is the other person in the relationship ever completely comfortable with the friendship?
Do you think that male and female friends can maintain good friendships after they married to someone?
Are men/women threatened by their mates being close to someone of the opposite sex?
With love, it is also important to have friends in your life....Girls, and guys. We told our parents yesterday. Everyone is happy...but you know with me, there has to be twist..more details on that later...I don't have the energy for that right now.
My friends are taking us out this weekend to celebrate. They are calling it our "See What You Are Missing" weekend. With love like this, I don't mind missing it!
My best freind Softspoken( at least he is that way with everyone else) and my Boo have different ways of doing things which make them both special to me. Generally, my man will try to tell me things without hurting my feelings. He is delicate with his words. My friend just tells me like it is, whether I want to hear it or not.
My friends VS My Man
My man would say,"Are you going to wear that?"
My friend would say,"Girl, go take that s*** off. I know you didn't think you were going with me looking like that."
My man would say, "It's going to be okay."
My friend would say, "Girl shut that s*** up! It ain't worth it"
My man would say, "Please answer your phone today. I need to talk to you about something."
My best friend would be knocking on my door if I don't answer my phone.
My man would try to talk things out and must be provoked before he will fight.
My best friend will be right beside me, fighting now and talking later.
Softspoken and I are two peas in a pod. We are so much alike that it is scary! He travels with his job, so I don't get to see him as much as I would like to. We talked for hours yesterday. The he came over and we talked some more. He is happy for me, but he is also sad. Marriage can really change things. Now, he can come to my house when he wants, eat, sleep...Do whatever. When I am married, he won't be able to do that anymore...I guess that makes me a little sad too.
My Boo made the comment yesterday, "How is it that you can stay on the phone with that man for hours at a time, but you hate the phone." My reply was, "The same way I can talk to you for hours at a time. When people have something to say, and I want to hear it, I talk. I talk to you because I love to hear your voice, and I want to hear what you have to say. I talk to him, because he has something to say as well. " He wasn't upset, and he took the BS answer that I gave him....What I really wanted to say was, "I talk to him because I want to. That's my friend. He needs me too!" But, I just couldn't do it. I avoided comparing the two of them...I would have been setting myself up for disaster...It's just different. I answer the phone for my family, and for my Boo, and for Softspoken, but if I feel a person is calling me with meaningless chatter, I don't answer. I just call them back later.
I don't think my Boo is jealous of Softspoken. At least he doesn't show it. But only time will tell. Even though Softspoken is gay, deep down I think that my man feels a little threatened my me being so close to another man.
Honestly, I can see where my man is coming from. I would feel a little strange if a woman was spending the night at his house...gay or straight. Trust is one thing, but being just plain stupid is another. This is something that I need to discuss with him soon. I need to see where his head is.
I know that people can have good friends of the opposite sex that they are not attracted to. I have a few. But is the other person in the relationship ever completely comfortable with the friendship?
Do you think that male and female friends can maintain good friendships after they married to someone?
Are men/women threatened by their mates being close to someone of the opposite sex?
posted by LUVIN ME @ 6:40 AM
8 Comments:
At 8:32 AM,
Ladynay said…
Speaking of...what ever happened to your club owner friend? Wasn't the water shaking over him as well?
Do you think that male and female friends can maintain good friendships after they married to someone?
Yes I think it's possible, everybody invovled has to know what their piece in the puzzle truely is.
Are men/women threatened by their mates being close to someone of the opposite sex?
If they are not sure what their piece or the friends piece really fits in! LOL
At 11:06 AM,
Freaky Deaky said…
I know that people can have good friends of the opposite sex that they are not attracted to. I have a few. But is the other person in the relationship ever completely comfortable with the friendship?
I think the key phrase is "not attracted to". If there is truly no attraction and the friendship is supportive and respectful to the relationship then I'd be comfortable with the friendship.
Do you think that male and female friends can maintain good friendships after they're married to someone?
I agree with Ladynay. As long as everyone knows their place and the friend is supportive and respectful of the marriage. If not then no.
Are men/women threatened by their mates being close to someone of the opposite sex?
Sometimes I'm sure they are. A lot of people don't know the difference between being close and emotionally intimate. I'd have a problem with it if they used to be lovers or were emotionally intimate.
At 11:53 AM,
LUVIN ME said…
@ladynay...He is still here. He is straight, so I know there is a difference in hanging with him and Softspoken.
@freaky...Good points. I make it a habit not to be close friends with ex lovers.
At 2:00 PM,
TTD said…
i have 2 good male friend.. 1 i call my brother & 1 i call my "best friend" my b/f is a little weary of the best friend.. it's understandable but i think in time when they become close (as your man & friends are) that little nervousness will eventually go away.. u just have to give it time
yes you can keep the friendship.. u may not be as tight as u once were.. but that assurance of if you need me, i'm here for you will always be there
At 2:35 PM,
Msnhim said…
I guess it depends..... if everyone kknows their "roll" and doesn't overstep said roll everyone should get along fine..... although I dont know how keen I'd be on my husband having female friends.
At 3:15 AM,
feels good b n FREE said…
Do you think that male and female friends can maintain good friendships after they married to someone?
only if there is openess and honesty and perhaps a friendship is forged between all three parties
At 12:19 PM,
GeckoGirl said…
I don't think someone who is confident in his/her relationship will be threatened by friends of the opposite sex. Of course, the friends need to recognize and respect that there will have to be a shift in the dynamics of the friendship.
I have a close male friend who got married a few years ago. I respect and realize that I can't call him all times of the day and night now. If I call his house, I make sure I identify myself and talk to his wife for a bit rather than just being some random woman asking to speak to her husband.
I don't think the person should be suspicious of the friend but the friend has to make sure they give no cause for suspicion.
At 9:31 AM,
Darbs said…
I have a male friend from college that I am EXTREMELY close to...he's married and I "was" and we NEVER had a problem from our spouses. We stay on the phone and spend the night at each other's homes (when absolutely necessary)...I totally think this is possible. I actually went to far as to thank his wife and my soon-to-be-ex for respecting our friendship the way that we do. I couldn't imgaine my friendship with him changing.
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