LUVIN ME

Still Around...Somewhere

2008-07-11T08:50:00.004-05:00

I doubt if anyone still stops by my spot since I've all but fallen off the face of the earth in the blog world. Life is good. My hubby and I are still holding it down. My daughter is wonderful...Growing up, but I guess she has no choice (sigh). Evolution is inevitible.

The past few months have been a blur for me. We decided to invest in a commercial storefront and all the legalities were crazy when trying to lease out the space. Enough about the boring stuff.

My friends are all good. My god daughter is growing so fast. Bossy and grown as ever. But she and her mother are another story.

I have a lot to get out, but I'll save that for later. For now I'm going to stop by and see if my old faves are still out ther in blogland...

I wouldn't be me if I didn't end this post with a question, so here goes...

How's life everyone?

Still Livin'...Still Luvin...

2007-10-25T18:05:00.000-05:00

I don't blog much these days. Not because I don't have much to say...but because I can't find enough time in the day to say it all. The purpose of this blog was to help me look deep within myself to find ME, and I've done that and so much more. I found me, and so many others that were going through things as well.

Life is funny. We don't choose the cards we're dealt, we just play the game to the best of our ability with what we have. I am grateful to have found love...It surrounds me everyday.

Too often we think of the things that are going wrong in our life, and we lose focus of all the things that are going well.

Here I am thinking about all the time I don't have to do things that I like, and didn't stop to consider the time that I have to do the things that I cherish the most...being with my family.

What is happiness?

Happiness is the look on my child's face when she completes and excellent dance performance.

Happiness is the smile that my husband gives me before he walks out the door every morning.

Happiness is the choice that I made to settle down.

Happiness is the abundance of little things that give me joy.

Happiness is the fact that I haven't allowed being married to define me. It is a state of being, but it is not who I am. I was a woman before I became a wife. Too many people get lost in the thought of being married, and lose focus on themselves and the person that they married in the process.

Happiness is a process...

Take the time to look at your life. Are you happy?

Luvin' My Life These Days

2007-07-23T11:12:00.000-05:00

This new job has me busy ALL THE TIME. I love it though. I'm traveling and meeting lots of new people. I hardly have time to blog. All of my extra time is spent with my family. The good thin about my job is that my daughter gets to travel with me during the summer. We just got back home last night. Whew.

I just wanted to say hello to you all.

I miss blogging so much.

My husband is in Japan. He won't be back until tomorrow night. I really miss him...

Oh well, enough about me for now. I have tons of work to do.

Until, next time. I hope all is well with all my favorite bloggers...

Just Stopping By....

2007-06-14T13:02:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if anyone still stops by here, but if so....

Thanks to everyone who wished me well on my marriage. I am soooo happy these days. The new job has me traveling and doing all sorts of things. Today was the first day I've rested since I took over the position. More money means more work, that's for sure. Things are still good with me, even better in some cases...

Let's see...

We're taking my daughter on a Disney Cruise next week. We leave tomorrow.

I got my hubby to wait on the new baby thing. We've been really busy so it was kind of easy actually...

So...what's going on in blogland...

Countdown...

2007-04-16T08:14:00.000-05:00

We fly out in a week...

I am so excited...

I get to take a vacation...

Plus I'm getting married...

I'm turning in all of my equipment for work on Friday morning...My new job starts when I get back.

I'll be a new Me when I return to the blog world...

I have a whole lot to blog about but I'm like a kid with ADD and a bag of candy over here. I can barely concentrate on anything right now.

I hope everyone in my blog fam is doing okay...

Wish me luck!

Notes From My Heart

2007-04-09T06:55:00.000-05:00

That's the name of our song...Every note, every lyric, has become a part of me. Not just because it was written for me, but because it is the perfect song that describes what he feels for me...

I was awakened by the sound of his voice...he sang to me this morning. Normally I'm not the person to mess with in the morning, but today was different. He sang as he got up. He sang as he made breakfast. He was in a good mood this morning.

When I got up, I saw a note of the pillow. It was so beautiful...It was a true, note from his heart.

My days have been hectic...All the planning,last minute arrangements, and work have been monopolizing my time but we are managing to keep it together.

The merger for my companies robotics department will be finalized while I'm away, so when I get back I'll be working for a new company. I'll be doing a little more but for what they're paying me, I don't mind one bit. The good thing about it is, my boss got a promotion and he's taking me up with him! Now I have a higher income potential and there's no salary cap...Can you say Yaaa!

My man and I have been working together on all the details of the wedding, the house...everything. We make a heck of a team.

We are having a big family/friends get together this weekend. Diva and Softspoken have put together a talent show dedicated to us. I can only imagine what my friends and family will say and do. Food, family, friend and fun...What a combination. I can't wait.

I hope everyone is doing well in blogland.

We've Been Practicing...

2007-03-30T07:43:00.000-05:00

My man is so happy...He showed me his appreciation over and over again...hence the reason I have been MIA this week. We took a couple of days off together.

We will be leaving in 3 weeks to tie the knot! I am so excited. After that I will be taking a break from blogging for a while. I have so much going on.

Enough about me..what's going on with everyone these days? Any big plans coming up?

Square One...

2007-03-26T07:21:00.000-05:00

New beginnings can be wonderful.

But I don't like starting over...

He's got baby fever again...

This time I'm giving in...

Do I want another child? Yes...

Am I ready for one right now? I guess...

Do I want to make him happy? Always...

Will I compromise my own happiness in the process? Not a chance...

Am I happy to have his baby? Yes...

He's ready for a child. He wants to start working on it as soon as we are married. My doctor says that I am healthy and my body is ready. Mentally, I'm not sure. I know it will be different this time around. I promised to give him ONE child.

I've taken a few days to think it over. I'm going to tell him as soon as he wakes up...

Here goes...

Where Did the Good Music Go?

2007-03-21T10:16:00.000-05:00

It's mid week and I've finally found time to post....

What are your 5 favorite songs of all time?

Who's your favorite artist?

What genre of music do you prefer?

I'm not putting down the music of today, because I find myself bobbing my head to the beat but the lyrics leave me wondering...

What do you think has caused the change?

Name a song that you think is ridiculous, but you feel yourself dancing to...or worst than that, singing all the words?

It's The Freakin' Weekend!

2007-03-16T11:08:00.000-05:00

...and that's what I plan to do. Freak all weekend long! Spring Break is almost over and my daughter will be home soon.

In true Luvin Me spirit, I have to leave you with a question...

If you had to think of only ONE word that best describes you , what would it be and why?

My word would have to be moody. I do things when I feel like doing them, and not a moment sooner. How my day goes, depends on my mood when I wake up. People say hello to me and depending on how I'm feeling, I might say something and I might not. Get me upset and I will kill you with words. Get on my bad side and it's all over. Earn my trust , and you have a friend for life. You might like me and you might not, depends on the day. I don't say things to offend people I don't know. Most of the time, I just don't say anything. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying it's me.

Lazy Day...

2007-03-14T07:25:00.000-05:00

All of this alone time with my honey is making me fall in love all over again...

Why am I so tired this morning?

Is it mid March already? Where did the time go?

Why I am wishing for Friday again?

Why is he so good to me? I know I deserve it but I had to ask...

Why am I too lazy to get up and go work in my home office?

Why am I sitting up in my bed working today?

Why didn't I buy two sets of sheets like this? It felt like sleeping on a cloud last night....I've got to go get another set...

Why did my friend tell me I have a glamorous life?

Why don't I see it?

Why do things look so much better from the outside?

Why did I find a store on the outskirts of the city that sells designer labels at discount prices that no one really knows about? Why am I keeping it to myself?

Why does my friend want me to come and pick up my goddaughter when I don't even have my own child at home?

Why am I so excited about getting married? The closer it gets to the date, the more excited I get!

Today's gonna be one of those days...

I love you with...

2007-03-12T06:16:00.000-05:00

One whole week without my daughter...That means one whole week without dealing with her father's craziness!

Don't get me wrong, I love my child, but I love Spring Break too!

We didn't do much Friday. We just enjoyed a nice evening in the house watching movies...

Saturday morning I woke up to find that my man was already up. There was a little note on his pillow that said...I love you enough to let you stay asleep because I knew you were tired.

When I went into the bathroom to take a shower, there was a note on the mirror that said...Smile pretty lady, someone loves you.

I have terrible allergies, and he knows it. I dust everything. I can see he pays attention...

I went into the kitchen. It was spotless. He left a note on the refrigerator that said, I love you enough to make sure that the house is dust-free. All I could do was smile...

I went to find him and thank him.

The windows were open, and it was already warm outside. I can see that's going to be a hot summer if it's already this hot in the springtime.

He was sitting on the couch in the den watching TV. He never looked up. He just smiled. He had on shorts and a shirt, but the way that shirt stretched across his chest...Whew. The shirt was a melon color which contrasted so nicely with his skin and his eyes. When I walked in the room he asked if I wanted to go out to breakfast. Of course I said yes. As he walked past me he said with a smile, I saw you checking me out, and handed me another note.

It said, and I quote... I love you with...

My eyes...When I see you, I see exactly what I want, not what I have. When I want something, I know that I have to work to keep it. When I have something, I tend to forget that. So I'll never stop wanting what I see.

My mouth...When I speak to you...When I speak about you. Know that my words are filled with love because they come from a deeper place.

My hands...I touch you with tenderness. Knowing that you are strong enough to handle just about anything, but realizing that you are fragile, and it's my responsibility to make sure that you're not broken.

My mind...With every thought I realize that being with you was the best decision I've ever made...

My body...Is only for you...enough said.

My soul...I will never love another the way that I love you Pretty Lady...and I'll never have to. I know that you are the real thing. What I want. What I need. You make me want to be a better man for you and with you...We have a rare thing. Something that comes once in a lifetime. I cherish you, and I hope you feel it...If you catch me slipping let me know... Even though I feel like we are connected, I can't read your mind, and I have to know before I can act one it.

Thank you for being the woman that you are for yourself, your family, your friends, and most of all, for me... Always...Your Loverboy.

I was in tears, as I am right now reading it again for the umpteenth time. It doesn't matter how many times he tells me he loves me. It just keeps getting better that the last...

He came back in the room with his keys and a smile. He knew why I was crying...I felt it too.

We had breakfast at this nice little place in the Village...

My brother called while we were at breakfast and invited us to go fishing. I knew that we would be going because it is almost impossible to separate my man and nature and my brother knows that. I really wasn't ready to make my way back out to the cabin so soon though.
The guys fished. My brother's girlfriend and I stayed in and enjoyed some girl time. She's pretty cool...
Saturday evening, we headed home. We all decided to meet up at Ambitious' spot. It turns into a party spot after 10:00. It was packed as usual.

Sunday my parents had a big dinner at their house after church. My mother and my aunts prepared a heck a of a feast! There was food for days, and people I haven't seen in forever. I was happy to see my cousin and all of her kids. I hadn't seen them in a while. She has a new man in her life. I hope she's happy...I hope she doesn't have any more kids anytime soon either. That
usually comes when a new man comes...

My man was in heaven with my aunties. They spoil him. He doesn't have to lift a finger when he's around them and he eats it up. It was okay though. He deserves it. As usual, I was the go get it girl, but I'm used to it. Why should it stop just because I'm grown...As my mother always says, she's the same number of years older than me that she was when I was born, and that will never change.

We got home Sunday evening and capped the weekend off just right...again, and again, and again...

I am tired, but it was well worth it. As you can see, my weekend was wonderful.

I'm off to read my letter again. D*** it feels good to be in love!

Letting the Past Go...and So On

2007-03-09T06:34:00.000-06:00

I knew that he would try something. I know him.

After all this time of my daughter's dad and I having an amicable relationship...It will never be the same.

We agreed to meet at my parent's house to drop off and pick up my daughter. We were getting ready to leave the house. The doorbell rings...

I tried to make it to the door before my man did. He was already there. When he opened the door they just looked at each other. My man spoke to him. He says he has no problem with him. He just had to show him that he meant business.

My daughter's dad just looked at him. He always has to bend the rules. I told him not to come by my house because I didn't want trouble. But he never listens. He has to do things his way when he's angry.

My man just smiled at him, but it wasn't that sweet smile that he gets me with. This smile was a nervous grin that said, Be careful, there's more where that came from.

My stomach was in knots. My daughter's dad had a terrible temper. I just knew he would try something. But he didn't. This time...

What was he thinking?

He's tries to call, I pick up the phone and hand it to my daughter.

He wants to talk, but at this point if it's not about my daughter, I have nothing to say.

He wants to know why I won't talk to him. WTH?

He wants to play games...

This is serious business.

I walked away from drama in my life a long time ago, and I'm not looking back.

He's been pulling some stupid stunts lately...Calling in the middle of the night to check on our daughter. Going by to talk to my parents about the whole mess. He knows they won't comment. They've always remained neutral. They said it's the best thing when a child's involved. Emailing me...He has lost his mind!

I can't worry about the past, it's never gonna change.

All I can do is look to the future, and hope that this fool gets some sense pretty soon.

===========================

On another note...

I have an associate who is asking for advice.

She is dating a guy. They live down the street from each other. They have been dating off and on for about 2 years. I must say that the road has been rocky.

About a a month or so ago, she found out that he has been cheating on her with another lady on their street. When she confronted him with it, he confessed. Then he told her that he wanted an open relationship, no string attached. She didn't want to let him go, so she agreed.

A word to the wise...Never get into an open relationship with someone that you truly care about. It will never work because you'll always want more than they are willing to give.

She found out that she was pregnant 2 days ago. She was told when she was younger that she would never have kids, and up until this point, she's never been pregnant before. She wants to have a child so badly.

When she told her so called boyfriend, he told her that he really didn't want to have a kid. That's the reason he dated her, because he thought she couldn't have them. He told her that he'd quit his job before he paid for a child he didn't want.

She is so hurt behind the whole thing and the fact still remains that she is pregnant. She asks me what she should do. The h*** if I know!

What would you do in the situation?

Memo To Self...

2007-03-08T07:46:00.000-06:00

I have made several plans in my life.

So far, I'm meeting most of my goals, but they never seem to come in the order I expect them to. I must say things have worked out for the best, but it hasn't always been easy.

I planned to...

Finish college...Establish a career...Achieve financial stability...Date...Marry..Have kids.

So much for trying to put things in order...

With that said, I've realized one thing...It doesn't matter how you get there...Just get there. Life's not perfect.

So as for now....I had a fairly good weekend. My allergies have been driving me crazy!

Since the weather was nice, we went out in our boat. I always get a little scared being out in open water like that. That's why I prefer not to go on cruises. I'd rather fly to my destination.
We went away to our cabin. Softspoken and his friend were there. Ambitious and his girl came along as well...

I relaxed and enjoyed my friends...drama free. My daughter enjoyed it out there as well...

Being out there in such a peaceful place gave me a lot of time to think, reflect, and take in everything that is going on with me now...The wilderness took it's toll on my allergies though. I had a good time while I was there, but I payed for it when I got home.

I'll be back in full force soon, and I have some things to tell as far as my man and my ex are concerned.

Until next time...

Not Feeling Up To Blogging Much...

2007-03-06T12:24:00.000-06:00

I've been a little under the weather...But I'm feeling better today....

I hope all is well with my fellow bloggers...

The Aftermath...

2007-02-28T09:03:00.000-06:00

So far. So good. That's all I'll say about the little incident between the two men in my life.

I had to go into the office to check on things yesterday. People sure can straighten up fast when they start missing things. They are doing okay, but we still have a long way to go as a team...

Since the weather has been nice here, I have gotten back into my outdoor activities, but my allergies are going crazy! I have been watching my weight for the last couple of months. I just haven't mentioned it because, the more I talk about, the harder it is to stick to my plan. I have to just do it, and talk about it after my goal has been reached.

As I said, so far things are okay. I can't worry about it.

What's going on with you?

It Had To Happen...

2007-02-26T08:13:00.000-06:00

I just sat there...speechless...

What was I supposed to say?

I'm getting married...

You knew I would tell him...

It's your fault that you chose not to move on.

You are the father of my child...

But I don't love you like that anymore.

I love him.

You took his kindness for weakness.

You disrespected him in his own home.

You thought that just because he was quiet most of the time, he had nothing to say.

You came by when you knew your daughter wasn't home.

You thought he'd be at work.

I came to the door.

I was shocked to see you.

You said you really needed to talk.

I let you in, even though I knew in my heart it was not the best move. But I thought you may have wanted to talk about something that pertained to your child, that you didn't want her to hear because anytime you and I are in the same space, she's there.

You stood there pouring your heart out.

I felt sorry for you.

I told you to leave.

You chose to stay and keep talking.

He came out of the bedroom.

He heard the whole thing.

He walked straight up to you and knocked the heck out of you without saying a word.

I was shocked too.

I had never seen him get that mad.

As you stood there holding your broken nose.

I felt sorry for you.

Your eyes were both sad and mad at the same time.

I couldn't move.

Even though I wanted to help, my loyalty is with him now.

I couldn't call 911. I didn't want him to get into trouble.

As I drove you to the hospital, I knew this was the end of us as we know it.

I tried to be your friend. You took it too far.

I know it's not over. You are always out for revenge.

Why couldn't you just let me be happy?

You've had that problem all along.

You couldn't make me happy, so why can't you just let me be with someone who can, in peace.

How will I explain to your child?

She won't understand.

We'll just have to see where this goes...

Enjoy Your Weekend...

2007-02-23T07:06:00.000-06:00

I know I'm going to enjoy mine...

Who Cares...

2007-02-21T06:43:00.000-06:00

After meeting with my staff and hearing nothing but complaints even though...I make sure they are the highest paid in their field...they get extended maternity & paternity leave...I got them an extra weeks vacation this year...I give them a gift card to the restaurant of their choice for their birthday...I make sure there is money in the budget so that they all will get a Christmas bonus, plus an extra bonus once they get their annual reviews if their performance deems them worthy...I make sure they get paid double time for working on weekends and they don't have to leave home to do so...I give them a choice to either work Monday or Friday from home...not to mention the countless other benefits that are only afforded to them because I care. This is money that I can pocket annually, but I choose to be good to them because they have families and bills just like I do.

I have spoiled them. They seem to think that these are things that they should have, not things that they have to earn.

Until their performance is up to par, all extra benefits for the department as a whole are being cut out. I will do this on an individual basis for the people that deserve it, although I refuse to restore all the benefits until they learn to work together as a team. For now, I expect them all in the office at least five days a week or until their work is complete. I will have to be in the office a little more, but I have to do what I have to do.

I can't believe that I allowed them to upset me like this, but they just don't know how good they have it...If they only knew how many people in the company were after their jobs for the benefits alone.

People think the grass is greener on the other side, until they get there and see that it's brown.

I can't let it stress me though. So for today...I could care less...

So, how's your day so far?

What Did You Expect?

2007-02-20T06:12:00.000-06:00

I don't know why he got himself into this mess. He knew that the man was married. He knew that the man had a family. He knew that he would always play second fiddle...so why is he upset?

Diva is falling for his new companion, but with this type of love comes much heartache. I wish my friend wouldn't settle. I must admit, his new beau is quite a charmer, but I hate it when people cheat on their mates. I just don't trust them. I know temptation is out there. I resist it as often as I have to. For this man to be married, there had to be something there in the beginning. Diva said that he tells him that he is very unhappy with his wife. But the only thing that came out of mouth when he said that was, "He told you but did he tell her?" Diva says that when he says anything to his friend him about his home life he avoids the conversation.

As I've said many time. I try to be there for my friends when they need me, but I can only do so much. I can't make them think....

What do you feel about people who cheat on their spouses? Why do you think people cheat?

I Love That Man!

2007-02-19T07:51:00.000-06:00

I absolutely love my dress...The way it looks on me. The way I feel in it....I just love it!

I love...

The way he looks at me when I walk past him.

The way that he is aroused by my touch.

The scent that he leaves on his pillow.

The way that he barely moves in his sleep. He sleeps so peacefully.

The way he bites the corner of his bottom lip when he's thinking.

The way he has a little more pep in his step the morning after we've had a long night...

The softness of his lips.

The way he gets a little irritated when I don't pay attention to him. He'll do small things to try to distract me. The more he does, the harder I try to ignore him. Then we both end up laughing and he wins the little game because I am distracted.

The way he never lets me forget that I am loved.

The way that he never allows me to feel unappreciated.

The way he comforts me just when I need it.

The way he gives me a little something extra at the right time.

I had a great weekend with my man. The weather was pretty nice, so we got out and enjoyed it. I'm sure that we'll have many more great times. I can't say what the future will hold, but I can say that I am loving what I have right here, right now.

How was your weekend?

A Rhyme for The Time...

2007-02-16T06:27:00.000-06:00

As I look in the mirror I finally see,

The person that's been hiding inside of me.

All of the years of sadness and worry,

Helps me to appreciate happiness in a hurry.

I have a good man and my family is fine,

This life that I live is finally mine.

Free of anger, fear and destruction,

Free of the people who've caused much corruption.

Living for today...tomorrow...forever...

Conquering the storm despite the weather.

I've made up in my mind that I will be strong,

Even when people do me wrong.

I have control of the path that I take.

I have control over decisions I make.

Even though I can't control the future I see

That I'm in control of Luvin' Me.

I end posts with questions that perplex us all,

But this time I'll ask something small...

Take this time

to think of a rhyme

that's all about you

and the things you do.

The things you love, the things you hate.

Even the things you celebrate.

Post it for all to see, let me know when you do,

So I can stop by to visit you.

It may seem silly but it relieves stress,

It makes you think of your problems less.

Until next time we shall see

if you'll take on the challenge from Luvin Me.

Why This...Why Now?

2007-02-13T07:23:00.000-06:00

Why does he keep beggin' me not to go through with it?

Why can't he just realize that he and I were not meant to be?

Why can't he see that our season is over?

Why doesn't he just stop?

Why does he call me during the day while my man is at work, just to talk?

Why did he ask me to let my man go?

Why didn't he try to have this conversation with me 8 years ago?

Why do I feel sorry for him, but not sorry enough to give up the best man I ever had?

Why does he make me feel sad when I am supposed to be in state of pure bliss?

Why do I ignore his calls?

Why does he try to use our child as a crutch?

Why wasn't he thinking of our child when we broke up years ago?

Why is he trying to reignite a flame that went out long ago?

Why can't he just be happy for me, because I'm happy?

Why can't he just let go?

My daughter's dad is at it again. Stronger than ever now. I'm not having it. I have given him so many chances to stop calling...but he won't let it go. This may cause some friction on the home front because I have to tell my man what's going on. I feel so guilty laying next to him knowing that another man is begging me to be with him.

In any other situation, it would be easy...but he is impossible. I have to see him because I have a child with him but why can't he just stop acting this way. He knows that it's been over for a long time. I don't lead him on. I don't play games. So why can't he just STOP!

What's a girl to do?

Some Me Time...

2007-02-12T11:37:00.000-06:00

I'm taking a little time for myself today...

A little pampering...

A little shopping...

Because I need it badly...

...Until Next time...Have a good day!

She Said Too Much...

2007-02-09T06:42:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Angel, Ambitious, Softspoken and I all met up. They wanted to have drinks, and I was along for the ride. We went to Ambitious' bar. He has hired a manager and he has taken the back seat with plans to open a new bar soon. There was a new waitress that must have been hired recently working our table. She had no clue of who she was serving.

She took our orders and got them back in a timely manner. Then she came back to the table trying to make conversation, but she tried just a little too hard. She was talking about how she liked rap music and how she was down. I just sat there in disbelief knowing that this would be her last night working there. She was telling us how she had a baby by a black man and how she felt close to us because of her child. The whole time we just sat there looking at her. No one said thing. After she realized that she was having a conversation with herself, she walked away from our table to refresh the drinks.

She came back to the table. She must not have been wrapped too tight because if I had just gotten out of a conversation where I could see that the whole table was obviously not into what I was saying, I would definitely not try to start another one. But still she want on. She talked about how she loved our hair and how she was moving to the hood so that her child could be raised around more black people.

Maybe she was having a bad night...I couldn't even get offended because in my mind all I could do was feel sorry for the girl.

Ambitious was fuming. He has the ability to keep his cool in challenging situations. He asked to speak to the lady's manager. She had a confused look on her face and asked why, then went to find him when Ambitious did not answer.

When she and the manger came out the back, he had a nervous grin on his face. He could see that Ambitious was upset so he and the lady walked over to our table quickly. He said to the manager, "How are you this evening?" The manager answered, "Fine how are you sir?" Then Ambitious said, "Offended, and I'd like another server please." The manger looked at Ambitious and waited for him to say more but he didn't. By now we were done eating so he knew that he didn't mean he wanted another server at our table, but another server in general. The lady just stood there, still not knowing what was going on.

The manager and Ambitious went to the back and came out shortly after. Then the manager took the girl in the back and she came out later with the jacket on and her purse on her shoulder. She started to cry when she looked in our direction, knowing now the she had been talking to the owner.

After she left, Ambitious told us that she was fired because she had gotten too personal with the customers. What if he had been someone else? He said he had worked too hard to watch all that he had built be broken down by another person.

I really don't know how I felt. Even though I am greatly invested in the business, I choose to remain a silent partner and allow him to run things his way.

How would you feel in this situation? Would you be offended? Would you you have fired the lady?

This is not the first time I had a problem at his bar. My man and I went there to eat once and we got terrible service. I don't know if I was more upset because it was my friend's place or because my money was invested in this place. Since then service had improved greatly until now...

Out With The Old...

2007-02-08T06:32:00.000-06:00

My man and I are doing something different for Valentine's Day this year. I won't be getting flowers or candy. Actually, I won't be getting anything on that day. Am I upset, no...because there is a catch. In the month of February, we have chosen to give each other a small gift everyday EXCEPT Valentine's Day. The gifts don't have to be expensive, just practical. They are things that we have both seen and wanted, but never took the time to purchase for ourselves. No hints allowed. We both have to use only what we already know about each other when deciding on what to buy. This has been so much fun so far. It shows how much we pay attention to each other. To me, it's the little things that count and this has really proved that theory to be true.

On Valentine's Day we are going to do our usual. We are getting together and hanging out with our friends. Nothing big. Just food, friends, and fun! I don't know why people make such a big deal out of that day. It's just another day to me. I'm glad my man makes me feel like I'm special everyday, so I don't have to wait for one day out of the year for him to show his appreciation...

I like trying new things with him inside the bedroom and out. It's keeps things exciting...

Do you like to try new things or you into routines and planning?

Back to Diva...

2007-02-05T07:12:00.000-06:00

Diva and I had a deep conversation over the weekend. The end result, he wants what I have. I learned a lot about my friend this weekend. He really has no clue. He wants it all so bad but he can't seem to get it....

He must have forgotten the things that I had to go through. Not to say that everyone has to have the same experiences but you have to go through something to appreciate what's on the other side. All he sees is that I am very happy now. He is blinded by what he wants. He is willing to try to find happiness at any cost. I tried to explain to him that happiness does not come that easy.

One thing is true that he said. Happiness is a choice.

He ws not very happy with me by the end of the conversation. I just stated the cold, hard facts. You can only choose to make yourself happy. You can't choose happiness for someone else. If the other person in the relationship does not want to be happy with you, it will not last....

What would you sacrifice for someone else's happiness?

My answer to that question. Nothing. What I mean by that is, if we can't come to some type of agreement in which we can both be happy in the situation, the only alternative for me is to get out of it.

After we agreed to disagree, we were okay. We had lunch...shopped...the whole time he checked his phone. Finally he said. "I want you to meet him." We left the store and we were on our way.

We pulled up at Diva's place and went inside. He made a call. A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. I had no idea what to expect.

He walked in. He was average height and was nicely built. I could tell he spent time in the gym. He walked over to me and gave me a hug, much to my surprise. I really didn't know how to react so I just stood there stiff for a moment. I tend to freeze up when people invade my personal space unexpectedly. He had a nice smile. I looked him over from head to toe and my eyes stopped on his ring.

He looked at me...I stared back. The unspoken reality filled the room. He was a married man and had my friend on the side. I bet his wife was somewhere without a clue. We all talked for a while. He told me about himself. He was unhappily married with one son. He tried to tell his wife it was over but she kept hanging on, and at this point so was he. I told him about me.

We ended the conversation amicably. He went on his way.

Now I understood why he had been acting so strangely. Diva had been on stolen time. That's why he had to leave in a haste.

I have my own morals and beliefs...but I choose not to judge my friend. Although I may not agree with his choices for his life I have to realize that it was just that...HIS LIFE.

Diva knows that I won't tell anyone...It's not my business to tell.

I just hope my friend knows what he is getting himself into...

Relationship 101

2007-02-02T07:41:00.000-06:00

My friend has gotten himself into a mess...

He is in a relationship with someone who really doesn't love him. He uses him. It's a roller coaster of emotions and I guess he just enjoys the thrill of the ride.

The guy is very attractive, but Diva does so much to please him. We've never met this new guy...He's always busy. I just sat there listening to my friend tell me one excuse after another as to why he should be with this guy, but not once did he mention the word love. The words Oh no rang over and over in my head.

I've learned that you have to careful when dealing with friends and their relationships. I told him how I felt about the whole situation and left it alone.

I feel that if you are with a person and you have to put forth all the effort to keep them happy, and they don't give you the same in return then you need to let it go. If a person cares for you they never have to say it with words. Their actions will show it...

People get into relationships for different reasons...money...power...status...sex. Call me old fashioned but I think love is so important. I feel love every time my man looks at me...

What are some reasons that you have started or stayed in a relationship? Was it worth it?

Fun With Friends

2007-01-29T07:07:00.000-06:00

To say that I had a great weekend would be an understatement. I love my friends, but I must say, Diva is acting strange.

I noticed it Friday evening. We all met at Ambitious' club/bar for drinks. We had a great time, laughing and talking as usual, but Diva kept watching the clock the whole time. Then, out of the blue he says, "I have to go, I'll see you all tomorrow." That is not like him at all. He is always the last to leave and loves to have a good time. I didn't think much of it. He really doesn't have any set working hours so I assumed he had an early morning client...

Saturday, we decided to get together at my house. We played pool. The guys played video games, the we played our usual Luvin' Me Signature Games. We had fun as usual. Again, right in the middle of a game, Diva darted out the door.

Sunday, we got together to plan our annual vacation. We are planning trip to Puerto Rico at the end of May. Our first payment which covered our airfare was due last week. We made sure everyone had their payments in and we're throwing a couple of Vacation Parties to cover the rest of the trip. Sunday while we were all talking, he got up and walked out of the room to answer the phone every time rang. It rang like 8 times in one hour.

Finally, I had to ask him what was up. All he said was, I'll talk to you about it very soon, and just like that, he was gone.

He had a strange look in his eyes and I don't know what to think. I hope he's okay...

Don't you just hate it when people leave you hanging?

Ready For The Weekend

2007-01-26T07:37:00.000-06:00

I have a fun filled weekend planned with my friends. We haven't being hanging out much lately, so we all have to catch up.

I have been so out of the loop. It's crazy, but I'm kind of happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I missed the drama as it happened...Sad because I missed my friends in the process.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm sure I'll have plenty to tell when it's all said and done. Angel with her so called husband...Green Eyes with his jealousy...Ambitious driving the ladies crazy...Diva in the middle of some mess...Softspoken and his new relationship...My scandalous friend and his double relationship with both a man and a woman...and last but not least, my man, finally getting a chance to relax and enjoy himself.

It's crazy but, every time I look at my friend(who plays BOTH fields) and his girlfriend, I am speechless. I really don't say much to her. I have no idea what to say. I feel like anything I say towards her will be judgemental or negative, so I just keep my thoughts to myself. But she talks to me. I bet she's thinks I'm kind of crazy, but it's okay. I think the same thing about her but for different reasons...

Have a Wonderful Weekend!

He's Tripping, But you Can't Cut Him Off...

2007-01-25T08:21:00.000-06:00

My man is going through some things with his family. Ultimately I know that I have to support my man, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't tell him he was wrong.

His younger brother Goldie, as I call him, has gone too far this time. It is very hard to get my man upset, but once he's there is even harder to get him to think things out reasonably.

I didn't want to get into the whole mess, but circumstances have put me there. With all the things going on with my man's mother, he and his brothers have had to step up to the plate and help their father. Goldie is the only one who can't seem to get on track. He is very selfish at times, and he says that he can't understand why he is being put under so much pressure.

Goldie feels that he shouldn't have to do anything but come and visit his mother. With his mother not working, and his father taking off a lot to be by her side, medical costs, and all other bills, they are going through their savings like crazy. Even though they haven't asked for any financial assistance so far, we try to help out with the little things they need.

Everyone has sacrificed except Goldie. Even the small things that he his asked to do, he just can't seem to do it. He's spoiled and used to getting his way, but at some point he has to grow up.

I do their laundry, and make sure that his father eats everyday. My man and his other brothers handle the rest. I don't mind helping out...

My man has decided to cut Goldie off. I told him that acting irresponsibly does not constitute a reason for being totally cut off from your bother. He is thinking long and hard, and I know it bothers him because he keeps talking about it.

Hopefully he'll make a decision that he can live with...

Until next time, I'm off to deal with everything in my life right now...I hope everyone is doing well out there is blogland.

Flashback...

2007-01-23T07:33:00.000-06:00

I Remember:

...when I could come home, and not have to worry about bills...

...when I could play all day and sleep late on Saturday morning.

...when I had to go to church all day on Sundays.

...popsicles and pickles, Lemonheads and Red Hots, and Super Bubble.

...when friends were loyal and trust was only a thought away.

...the many flavors of Kool-Aid.

...thinking that no one sexier that LL...Heck I still feel that way...

...the way the wind blew past me when I rode my bike.

...4 wheelers and scooters.

...a time when I thought my father was perfect.

...realizing that the world is flawed, and being okay with it.

...my first kiss.

...getting my first CD player...Cassette player...Record player.

...getting a VCR.

...Nintendo...Sega Genesis.

...my brother and I building our first go-cart.

...life before having a child.

...college.

...when loving someone was easy.

...when music made sense.

What are some of the things you remember?

I Need A Band-Aid For My Memeories...

2007-01-18T07:20:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I lounged around and worked all day. Today is a different story all together.

Bad memories are like scars...You move on, you heal...but you never forget.

This weekend, I did a little shopping. The rainy weather put me in a stale mood, so I just needed to get out of the house. As I was walking, I saw a man that looked just like Him from behind. I could feel my heart beating fast. I knew it wasn't Him. It couldn't be. He had the same head, and similar build, but he was gone. He had been gone for years.

I followed Him, but I couldn't catch him. I finally caught him when he was stopping to make a call. He was reaching for his phone as I passed him. He looked at me, I looked at him. Then came the sigh of relief. I walked passed him

For those of you that haven't been reading my blog from the beginning, here the story of him...

http://time2luvme.blogspot.com/2006/02/be-careful-what-you-wish-for.html/ (For some reason blogger won't let me post the link)

The man who once had control over me. The one who taught me so many lessons without even knowing.

I had bittersweet memories of him...

Have you ever seen a person that looked so much like someone you knew it was scary?

Just Saying Hello...

2007-01-17T08:35:00.000-06:00

Everyone's home today. When the streets get icy, everything closes. I'm sure we'll have fun though since we actually enjoy each other.

I have had a lot of work to do the past couple of days which has left little time for anything else...I'm planning on enjoying my family for the most part. I hope eveyone enjoys the rest of their day...

How's the weather where you are?

2007-01-12T06:44:00.000-06:00

My man is always up to something...

Yesterday afternoon, I had to go into the office. My daughter was gone with her dad for the day. When I got home that evening, the house was dimly lit with music playing. I didn't want to wreck the flow of things so I put my things down in the office, and made my way through the house to find him. He was in the shower. I quickly undressed and joined him. He was surprised and happy to see me. I teased him a little, but that was about it. He likes to be teased, so I had fun with it.

We went to dinner at this really nice place close to home. He couldn't keep his hands off me the whole time. Of course I loved it. The rest of the night was really nice as well...

We are taking this weekend as it comes...No big plans, but you never know what may happen.

What are you doing this weekend?

Stop Staring At People

2007-01-11T06:27:00.000-06:00

Since I was younger, this is a phrase that I heard so often from my mother, but I just can't help myself. When I see something that different from my definition of normal, I have to catch myself because I will gawk at it.

I was shopping for underwear yesterday, and this lady walked into the store. I know that I am curvy, but this lady was super "top heavy" with a tiny waist. She asked if they had bras in her size which was way off the charts. Instead of her just walking out of the store, she gets upset. Instead of me minding my own business, I just stand there staring in disbelief. I know the right thing to do would have been to be compassionate for her. I had to catch myself...

My man and I were out eating the other day and the girl that came to our table spit when she talked. I couldn't help but stare at her. I could barely put in my drink order because I was looking so hard. Needlessly to say that my man and I left before our drinks made it back to the table. I couldn't help but think that she was talking to someone while she was making my drink and spitting all over my glass...

I was at the pharmacy picking up my daughter's allergy medicine and the tech said,and I quote,
Tech: You wan me ta git yo medicine out tha back fuh you can leave?
Me: Sure.
Tech: How you git yo hair to do that?
Me: Do what?
Tech: Curl like that?
Me: I don't do anything to it. It curls naturally.
Tech: What kind of hair is that?
Me: Mine.
At this point she got upset because she thought I was being sarcastic, but I really didn't know any other answer to that question. Once again, I just stared. She gave me my receipt and I left.

This lady and guy pulled up next to my man and I at a traffic light. The guy slaps the lady right in the mouth and busted her lip. Of course I just stared as she sat there holding her lip. My man touched my leg and told me to stop staring.

I'm making a conscious effort to stop but dang. All these people around me keep doing crazy things.

What makes you stare?

The Do's and Don'ts of My Life...

2007-01-10T07:11:00.000-06:00

For those of you that are going through something, know that you are not alone. We all go through things. The difference between the way we handle our situations determines how they affect our lives in different ways. Just because you don't read about it, doesn't mean it's not there...

If someone that you care for says something to you that hurts you, don't say something harsh back. I know at the time it feels like the right thing to say, but if you really care about that person, you'll regret it later. Words are permanent. Take what they have said. Think about it. If it's true, accept that it is a part of you, whether it is good or bad. If you choose to remain the same way, and if you are happy being that way, then continue to be who you are... If you know for a fact that what they have said is untrue, let them know that it's not true. After that, leave it alone. You have done your part. Although it may be hard, let it go. Don't use up all your space, meaning, don't overflow yourself with negative thoughts that hinder positive things from happening in your life.

Don't allow someone else's opinion to control how you act or react when faced with certain situations. You must stand firm in the choices and decisions that you have made in your life. Some may be good, and some may not, but in the end it was your choice.

Don't fall into the web. It's hard to stay out of situations. Especially when people come to you with their problems. One hard lesson that I am still learning is, being a friend does not mean that I have to part of every aspect of your life. If you don't want my true opinion about a situation then don't tell me about it at all because I am going to give it you! If people bring negative things to you all the time there is obviously a reason. My reason was, I always listened to it...but I'm learning.

Be honest with yourself and others around you. I've learned that holding things in to keep from hurting the feelings of someone that I care about only hurts them more in the end. If someone has done something to you that you don't like, tell them. Number one, so they'll know. Number two, so they'll think twice before doing it again.

The chain starts with you. I was having a conversation with someone yesterday about family. Some people have good ones, some people don't. That's life. If you don't like how your family life is, it is up to you to change it for your future generations. If your parents/siblings/mates/relatives did things to that you didn't like, don't turn around and expose your kids to the same behavior. There was a point in my life where my brother and I were completely cut off from one of my aunts. Once she saw that my mother was not going to allow her to ruin her family, she came around, slowly but surely. If people value you as a person, they will do what they have to keep you in their lives. If they don't, they will let go. You just have to be ready and willing to make the sacrifice.

There is nothing wrong with solitude. Sometimes it takes being alone to truly be able to appreciate companionship. If my man would have come into my life when I was younger, there is no way our relationship would be like it is today. I had to grow and love me first before I could love him and accept his love the way that I do. ..without fault...without doubts. We all have issues to work through whether we choose to acknowledge them or not...I had to repair and rebuild my life in order to have the life that I am striving to have now. Being the way that I am was a decision that I made by myself. With no input from anyone else. No one else knows me that way that I know me.

Always remember...Take care of you! No one can ever love you like you do.

I have to remind myself...I am not now, nor will I ever be, a bad person. I am a good person who has made some bad decisions...But I am forever growing, forever changing, forever learning...and most certainly forever Luvin' Me.

Beautiful...

2007-01-09T06:35:00.000-06:00

What makes a person beautiful? The way they look...The way they act...How they express themselves?

It's true, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But to me, beauty is more than skin deep. I think there are levels of beauty, and my mother, is the epitome of beauty to me.

My mother is a natural beauty. She has flawless skin, beautiful hair and eyes...but that 's not what makes her beautiful to me. Her spirit is beautiful. She has poise and grace. She is patient beyond measure. She has been saying something to me since I was younger, but it wasn't until I grew up that I knew what it meant. She said, "People can buy a lot of things, but they can't buy class. Either you have it, or you don't."

What I appreciate about my mother is, she never stops being herself. You either like her or you don't. Point blank. She's never rude. She barely ever raises her voice. She has taught me so much and the more I look at her the more I see that I have so much more to learn.

Whatever happened to natural beauty? With all the enhancers on the market these days, I wonder if people even know what that is anymore...

My man is a different kind of beautiful to me. He's a loving beauty. The way that he is...words can't explain. We started as friends...then lovers...now we are one step from being husband and wife...and through it all he has been wonderful. He respects people, no matter who they are or what they do. He's not judgmental. He loves without pretense. He accepts so many things.

With all that people have been through in life, it's hard to love the way that he does. He taught me how to love that way...He says, "I can't love for yesterday, I can't love for tomorrow, I can only love you the best that I can, today."

My best friend possesses the beauty of friendship. He knows how to be a friend. He always gives me just enough. Just enough space when I need it. Just enough time when I need to talk. Just enough support when I'm going through something. He has just as much respect for my relationship as I do his. He is a beautiful friend.

My brother shows me the beauty of family. We have a history. We come from the same place. He knows me better than anyone...Past experiences...Future endeavors... We share a bond that cannot be broken. My father also adds to this. He was my protector for so many years. Now he has passed the torch. He is a good man to say the least...

Last but certainly not least, my child has shown me the beauty of life. Never did I know that I could love someone so much. I would give my own life for hers without a second thought. As she grows, I appreciate her so much more. I learn a lot from her, just as she does from me. I love the way she trusts everything that I say...That's why it's important that I watch what I say to her. Words can hurt just as much a licks. I can still remember cruel things that were said to me...

This post has put me in a beautiful mood...

Getting Away For The Weekend

2007-01-08T06:52:00.000-06:00

My man and I hosted a couple's retreat at our cabin this past weekend. I must say that I really enjoyed myself. The basis of the retreat was to bring couples closer together. The cabin has 4 bedrooms. The first night the couples were separated. Saturday night, we were partnered up.

I am no expert on relationships by far. I learn something new about me man everyday. But I have learned that getting away from things that you would normally do with the one you love, helps to either make or break a relationship. You really get to know the person you're with.

Friday night, we played a game called...Do You Know Me. Since my man and I made up the questions, we didn't play. One of the couples only got one questions right and they've been together for 2 years. They definitely need to do their homework. The next game we played that night was, Guess Who I Am. Each person was given a small basket full of letters, paper, and a glue stick. We all had to come up with six characteristics that were unique about ourselves, and use the letters to form the words on paper. They all looked like ransom notes in the end, but that was the point. In order for the game to be effective, we had to be anonymous. We then put all the papers in a bucket. Each person had to pull out a piece of paper, and guess who wrote. Since we all know each other fairly well, the game was a lot of fun. We had dinner, watched a couple of movies, and then went to bed.

Saturday night, we had food catered in. My man and I stocked the cabin with liquor before everyone came because we knew some of the couples would need it... Everyone showed their hidden talents. My man sang a song that he wrote when he lost one of his good friends. It was beautiful. There was not a dry eye in the room when he finished. Some because they knew who the song was about, and they felt the same way...others because the song was just that good...That's how his voice is. It just seems to melt all your cares away. To lighten the mood, we played music...new and old. We started with the old music from our era. We did all the dances. It was so much fun. Then we kicked it up a notch and played some new stuff. I must say that times have change. Music is not like it used to be.

You learn a lot about people, being stuck inside with them for a whole weekend. There was no drama, and a lot of love in that place...gay...straight...It didn't matter. We all had a ball!

How was your weekend?

Can You Feel Me?

2007-01-04T06:38:00.000-06:00

That's what he always asks me...Always with a sly smile...Always a loaded question.

I can feel him more than he knows...

He has been up since about 1:00 a.m....with me. I was up working. I couldn't sleep. The house was silent. I could hear him walking through the house looking for me. First our bathroom...then the kitchen...the den...and then to the office.

He had that knowing look on his face when he stepped into my office, and he shook his head. All I could do was laugh to myself. Both knew what the other was thinking...He knows how I am about my work...I know how he is about quality time.

Up until this point, neither of us said a thing. He pulled up a chair. I had no clue of what he would do. He just sat there and watched me...FOR A WHILE. I was thinking to myself...WTH. He didn't touch me. Didn't talk. He just sat there...and stared at me as I worked. I glanced up at him from time to time.

Needless to say, I just couldn't stand it. I had to take a break...

Now I'm up and working again. I'll probably shut it down early today, to make up for lost time...

After our little break. He asked, "Can you feel me Pretty Lady?" I answered, "You know I can Loverboy." ...and I was back to work.

Do you prefer spontaneity?

Growing Older vs.Growing Up

2007-01-03T06:30:00.000-06:00

I had to go into the office yesterday afternoon. My boss wanted to talk to me about changes that will be taking place this year. She said that he had several people that requested to work from home. One lady in particular used me in her argument. She threw in the fact that I do a very good job from home. My boss knows his employees...He knows who can handle being left alone to do their job. She is one of those people that you have to constantly remind that she has a job to do. So when my boss refused to let her work from home. She was very upset. Her second argument was, she is a lot older than I am , and she has been working for the company longer. She escalated the whole thing. To sum it all up. I had to go in. All of my work is complete. Actually I am ahead of schedule. I made of it before I took my vacation. She was even more upset by the fact that once again my work had spoken for itself.

Some people will never reach that level of maturity in which the can mind their own business and take care of themselves...

My boss made a statement yesterday that helped me reach that conclusion...He said, "Why is it that you have so many people concerned about what goes on in your office, and you're the only one there?" I thought long and hard about that statement. I could have given the obvious answer...people are jealous. But I knew what he was looking for...I simply said, "People want what they can't have."

He smiled at me and I went back home to my cozy office and finished my work. Sometimes my best arguments are the ones that require no talking from me at all. All that craziness and what did she accomplish...She still has to be in the office everyday, and I work from home...Whew...I thought she had messed it up for me!

Don't you just hate it when people try to mess things up in your life when things are going great?

Happy New Year

2007-01-02T06:07:00.000-06:00

We've all made it through another year. No matter what condition we are in we can say one thing, we're here!

I took a much needed break form everything....work, blogging, drama...I'll have to read up on what's been going on in the lives of my favorite bloggers...

No big issues to report on my side. I stayed as far away from my everyday life as possible..but I'm back...

Change of Plans

2006-12-21T09:05:00.000-06:00

We were supposed to be leaving for Colorodo this evening, but seeing that they are expecting 4 ft of snow, our trip has been cancelled. Oh well..

I'm off to do a little work and catch up on some blog reading...

Don't you just hate it when you have to cancel your plans at the last minute?

Things That I See...

2006-12-20T06:30:00.000-06:00

Is is okay to wear snow boots even when there is no snow around...or it's not remotely cold outside?

Why would you wear hip huggers if you had no "hips"?

Why don't women learn how to dress for their body and not everyone else's?

Why do people wear sunglasses, if there is no sun? Especially on the inside of a club...

Why would you wear a provocative outfit to a conservative party, and then get mad when everyone is staring at you?

Why wear low cut blouses if you have nothing up there to show off?

Why is it that when the slightest warm front comes into town, clothes start getting shorter and flip flops come out the closet...It's still December people.

Why do women get long fake toenails?

Why are people still getting upset about interracial and same sex relationships? Haven't they ever stopped to think that even if the person was not dating someone of a different race or sex, they wouldn't be dating them. Let people live their lives...

Why is it when the slightest bit of precipitation falls, people start driving like idiots?

Why would a grown man get upset because he got arrested for walking into an all girl's school to use the bathroom? There is a sign posted on the front letting you know that it is an all girls school.

I have more thoughts, but that's it for now!

A Simple Smile

2006-12-19T07:08:00.000-06:00

I can still feel his hands all over me...Caressing my face, and every other place...

I can see the sincerity in his golden eyes...

I can see the love in his dimpled smile. Just thinking of it makes me smile.

With every word, I know that he loves me. He tells me. He says that he wants to make sure he tells me as often as he can so that I never forget. I let him know that his actions me show me everyday...

We walked in the park. Just the two of us. Holding hands. Talking. Taking in the sights, the sounds, the smells. It amazing how something so simple can turn into an experience so great.

When we got home, I had to have him. Right then...Right there. I was in control and he loved it.

Later yesterday evening, we met up with our friends. The guys played a couple of games of pool. The ladies watched, and talked. Afterwards we sat down for drinks and conversation. He sat across from me. He glanced at me with that familiar gleam in his eyes. He smile that same dimpled smile that got me earlier...The one that lets me know that he is happy. The one that lets me know that I am loved. The one that let me know that it was on once again when we got home...

After a few moments he came and sat next to me and held my hand. He started to whisper some not so sweet things in my ear. The other people at the table seemed to disappear. Needless to say we didn't make it through the whole evening with the rest of the crew.

We went home and started where we left off earlier that day.

It doesn't take much to make me happy, and he knows it. For every action, there is a reaction. Some good, some bad. Some subtle, some out-of- control. But he has it down...He knows what to do at the right time. Even when he makes mistakes he is man enough to admit to those mistakes and do what he has to do to make things right....I love that man.

Don't you just love it when simple things make you happy? (Unless you're a complex person, but that's a different story)

My Weekend...

2006-12-18T07:28:00.000-06:00

I've decided that I will help my friend...a little. I am not going to give her the full amount. It's one thing to be generous, but it's a totally different thing to be a fool...

My weekend was pretty uneventful. We just spent quality time together having some good old fashioned family fun. It's been pretty warm outside the last couple of days.

We took my daughter to the Children's Museum on Friday. We shopped and wrapped gifts on Saturday. We spent Sunday with my man's family. We went to church, then out to eat. I had a lot of fun hanging out with them. They love my daughter to death...

My man and I had a quiet evening at home alone on Sunday. My daughter went to her dad's house. He always takes his vacation from work around Christmas so that he can spend time with my daughter while she's out of school. I'm child- free for a whole week! I know my man will be planning some naughty things! I can't wait!

How was your weekend?

I Remember Yesterday

2006-12-14T07:36:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a blur....

I remember waking up, getting started on my work, then leaving the house...I remember going to sleep at about 2 am.

I faintly remember a voice on the phone saying..."My kitchen is on fire."

I went over the floor plan of the house in my mind. The kitchen was located between the living room and the baby's room.

I tried to call her back but there was no answer...

I remember the flashing lights, and all the people standing around.

I remember the smoke.

A mixed feeling of relief came when I saw her standing there holding my god daughter. I was glad that they were okay.

Her husband wasn't home, as usual. He wouldn't answer his phone when she called...He had been gone since the day before...

After a few hours, it was all over.

We went back into the house. The kitchen was burned beyond repair but no other rooms were damaged.

She looked at me in despair and said, "What am I going to do. My deductible is $1500. I don't have that kind of money.?"

I told her to talk to her husband first.

She said that she knew he wouldn't have the money.

I told her that I would get back to her.

I'm really in a mess. I love my god daughter, and my friend. I don't want to love them conditionally though...But it's hard for me to give her money to help save her house a second time, when she has a husband at home to help her. I am saving for myself. I am trying to get ahead with a lot of things that I have worked so hard to get for me and mine. I'm getting married very soon...

Is it selfish of me to be thinking of myself at a time like this? I mean, I would be helping my friend, but she is not my responsibility when you look at the whole situation. She chose to be with her husband. Although I don't get into their situation, I know that he is no good for her. He probably still doesn't know what happened to his family.

Should I help her, or should I just tell her no for a change?

Welcome Back Drama

2006-12-13T09:16:00.001-06:00

I was feeling all good yesterday and BAM! Diva had to go stir up some mess!

My friend, that has been living the double life (he has a girlfriend that he lives with and he has a boyfriend on the side) for quite some time, has gotten himself into an even bigger mess. His girlfriend is pregnant and his boyfriend is livid. To top it all off, Diva saw him out with another woman.

Diva can't keep a secret to save his life. Diva told his girlfriend about the other woman. Now this may seem petty, but the problem came in when they all met at MY house to have the discussion. I still have a headache from all this drama.

My life has been so peaceful this past week...

I didn't comment at all. After the heated discussion was over, I excused them all from my house as fast as they came in...My mission for 2007...No Drama....Even when it is knocking at my front door. We'll see how long that lasts.

Don't you just hate it when people have to put themselves into situations that they need to stay out of?

Why do they have to drag you into the mess with them?

Yesterday, He Found The Time

2006-12-12T10:46:00.000-06:00

He had to be up early...and he found the time to make breakfast.

He had an early morning doctor's appointment...yet he found the time drop my daughter off at school.

He had a big project at work due in 2 days...yet he found the time to meet me for lunch.

He went to the mall to shop...and came back with something for everyone in the house except himself.

He had a stressful day...yet he was more concerned with how my day was.

His mother is sick...but he keeps on going.

I appreciate all the things that my man does for me...All the sacrifices he makes for me...The way he treats me...The way he loves me.

He never complains...He says that to complain would mean that he is doing something that he doesn't want to do.

No questions today...Just a lotta love in the air...

Missing His Luvin'

2006-12-11T07:00:00.000-06:00

I'm a borderline nymph when it comes to good sex. Especially when I'm used to getting it on a regular basis. I guess I really didn't realize how much it affected my everyday life until I had to do without it while my man was sick.

...Thank goodness that's over.

How does sex affect your life?

Do you have to have it or can you do without it for long periods of time?

I've gone without sex for a long time in the past because I wanted to. I have never been put in the position of where I had to do without it for a long time. Hmm. That's another post altogether.

If you had to take a vow of celibacy starting today, could you do it? Now with this vow, there would be certain terms...You would not have sex until you have found love, and
intimacy....

I wonder if I could do it again. Honestly, I'm glad that I don't have to find out...

I think I could live without sex if I had to. If something were to happen to my man to where he was still living but could not perform, I would still love him for the man that he is. I'm sure it would be difficult for me in the beginning...in the middle...heck it would be hard for me!

Making love to someone that you love is a beautiful thing. It's more than just sex. Now that I have experienced that feeling, I don't think I could have it any other way under normal circumstances.

Why do you think people put so much emphasis on sex?

Oh Well..

2006-12-07T12:13:00.000-06:00

My last post marked my 200th post, but I have been so busy trying to catch up on my work, I didn't have time to do anything special...Oh well...

My man has been under the weather since we got back, and he is being such a baby.

I can't wait until we go out of the country again.

I haven't read many blogs lately so I feel so out- of- the loop.

I'm ready to have another child now. I knew the time would come...

How many times is my employee going to ask me for her paycheck early? How many emergencies can you have...I know it sounds cruel, but now I have to explain it my boss...

My Time Away

2006-12-05T07:24:00.000-06:00

I'm seeing the world in a whole new light...If there is one thing that I brought back from my journey, it is...Ignorance is caused by the absence of experience... Our thoughts and beliefs are based on things that we know or at least we think we know. There is so much out there, and I have made it my mission to see and do as much as I can, while I can.

There's just something about boarding a plane to a destination that you've only seen in your dreams. I got the chance to experience Europe...Italy to be exact. I had a wonderful time. The sights, the sounds, the smells. It was all different from what I'm used to. My man's company sponsored the trip for him and 4 of his colleges and their spouses. We had a great time. It came as sort of a last minute deal, but it was well worth it...On top of that, we spent very little out-of pocket money, except for the shopping...Of course he had to go and get sick our last day there, but we still had a great time.

I have a lot of catching up to do today...Work..blog reading...and everything else in between.

What are some things that you hope to experience in your lifetime?

Back To Bloggin'

2006-12-04T12:14:00.000-06:00

I have been so busy the past couple of weeks...

My man swept me away on a two city European vacation, and I had a blast. Even though the weather was not at it's best, it felt so good to get away for a while. I left work and everything else behind and I feel rejuvenated! I needed that time away...

If you can appreciate the antiquated architecture, then you would love it. Things are different there, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.

I'm sure I will be giving more details about my travels in the near future, but for now, it's back to work.

So, what's going on in blogland?

Giving Thanks...

2006-11-23T07:13:00.000-06:00

It's Thanksgiving and I'm up, hard at work...I'm trying to get finished before it's time to meet up with the fam. I have been so busy the past couple of weeks and I've been missing out on my favorite blogs...

I must say that I am thanksful for so many things. First and formost I am thankful to the man upstairs for giving me the life that I have. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love the woman that I have become. I've grown so much over the past year...My daughter, my man, my family, my true friends...I love them all. I am thankful for the comfort of knowing that even though I go through things, eveything will be okay. I am thankful that true love still exists, and it found it's way to me. I am thankful that if anything were to happen, I still have the ability to provide for my family.

Once Again, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who stops by...

Just Checking In

2006-11-22T14:21:00.000-06:00

There are so many people in my house, but I love evey minute of it. Thank goodness no one is actually staying with me. My family and my man's family are both in town so I have been going non stop.

Just Checking In...Have a Happy Thanksgiving...

That Man of Mine...

2006-11-17T06:52:00.000-06:00

My man took the day off so I'm sure I am in for a treat.

It scares me how well he knows me. He said that he could tell that I was keeping something bottled up...and I was. A lot of things. Nothing major, just a lot of little things that have turned into this big ball of confusion. We talked for a while last night...even about the things that concerned me about him. He was open and honest, and he shared some things with me as well.

I feel so much better...Now maybe things can start getting back to what I consider normal.

I've said it before and I'll say it as long as I have breath in my body. I am in love with a wonderful man. A man who listens when I need him to. He know what to do at just the right time.

If I could manufacture the type of love he gives to me and put it on the market, I would. It's unbelievable.

I love him SOOO much!

I wonder what he has planned...

What are you doing this weekend?

It's Just Emotions...

2006-11-16T07:24:00.000-06:00

Some of the comments from yesterday have me really thinking about my friend...HMMM

Even the slightest thing tends to make me cry (if said or done by someone I care about.)

One of my cousin's (w/ the 6 kids) sons called me yesterday and asked if he could come to church with me. He loves to go. His mother doesn't go that often. He is fascinated with music. He enjoyed the service so much. After church we went and got something to eat. Then went went back to my house and he played video games with my man for a little while before we took him home.

When I dropped him off he turned around and hugged me so tight. He said, can I stay with you, please? I told him that he had to go home and he started to cry. Normally this wouldn't affect me because kids cry when they don't get their way. It happens... I called back later and he was still crying. I don't know why that made me so sad.

He has always had a special place in my heart because he fought to live. He had a lot of problems when he was born but now he's fine. I remember the long nights in the hospital with him. I was right there through all of them. The first couple of years of his life were rough. He is such a sweet little boy. He loves life and it shows!

I guess I'm just in an emotional state right now. Things that wouldn't normally get to me are getting the best of me lately...I hope this passes soon because I'm getting on MY nerves.

Have you ever just been emotional for no reason at all?

Keeping My Distance...

2006-11-15T07:24:00.000-06:00

At first I thought I was just being petty. Then I thought I was plain paranoid. Now I know that I'm not crazy. She is jealous, and I had to tell her how I felt.

It started as soon as her husband moved back in. She called me everyday with something different. I, along with my other friends tried to warn her that getting back with her husband was a BIG mistake. She said that her child needed her father in the house with her and she wasn't about to let another woman have her husband. I told her if he is with another woman, then you're you're sharing him anyway. But I guess she works on her own system of logic because to me, it makes no sense.

She can't trust him, never could. The only difference is now they have a child involved in the whole situation. She is a good person, but lately, I can't stand to be around her for more than 30 minutes at a time because she starts to talk about him. I just change the subject because the I told you so song has lost its tune.

For the most part, she complains about what MY man does and compares it to her situation, which is crazy to me...For instance, she called me a few days ago and my man was out having a drink with his brothers. She kept saying things like, "Mr Perfect isn't as perfect as you think. What if he's out there with someone else."

I just let her know that I don't sit around and wonder what my man is doing every second. It would drive me crazy. I trust him. He has never given me a reason not to. If he chooses to do something wrong, that will be on HIS conscience, not mine. As long as I take care of me and do what I need to do for myself, things will be okay. I can't live for him or make him do anything. He acts right because he wants to. I don't bribe him or twist his arm.

For some reason that just added fuel to the fire. She said, "He's gonna cheat on you one day just like my husband cheated on me. Just wait."

This has been an ongoing thing the past couple of weeks. I am starting to realize just how insecure she is. But, I can't let her insecurities ruin my life. She is my friend, but before I allow her to poison my household, I will keep her at a distance. This is one of the reason I don't have a lot of female friends. So far, jealousy has been the number on reason that I have to cut them off. I don't have a lot, I just work well with what I have. I will give my friends anything that they need if I have it.

I had to tell her last night, "Just because you're unhappy...Don't try to steal my joy!"

Have you ever had a jealous friend that you cared about, but eventually had to cut off?

Rambling...

2006-11-14T08:12:00.000-06:00

I had interviews all day yesterday, and I finally found the right person. He starts on Monday...

I've been so busy that I haven't had much time to blog, but I'll be playing catch up today...

Life is great in my world. I'm going "car" shopping a little later. I still haven't found what I want yet.

Why don't I know how to act with extra money in my pocket every month...

I am buying my cousin's 6 kids a Playstation 3 for Christmas. But it will be ONE gift for ALL of them. My man is getting one for himself along with the Nintendo Wii. He's not really into video games. He just wants them...Go figure...

Why did my child only ask for 3 things for Christmas? Why am I happy?

Why am I so giddy about getting married but I'm keeping it all bottled up?

Why does chocolate love me so much? I try to stay away from it but it keeps calling me.

Flirting is harmless...Isn't it?

There should be a weave limit...If you can sit on your braids, they're too long...

Why wear revealing clothes if what you are trying to reveal is undesirable?

Why was he wearing the same shirt that I had on yesterday at work? Why did he roll his eyes at me because I was wearing it better? Did I miss the memo?

Why did I go right home and change?

Why did I let my friend talk me into going to the swap meet with her this past weekend?

Why were the longest lines at the 3 stores that made gold teeth?

Why were so many chics dressed like it was summertime?

Why did I feel so out of place?

Why does it seem like my girl is jealous because she can't find the same kind of love that I have found?

Oh well...Just letting some things out.

The Thought Might Have Crossed My Mind...

2006-11-10T07:24:00.000-06:00

I build myself up to get beat down...

Every time I take one step forward, the world pushes me two steps back...

I open up and love someone just to have my heart shattered in the end...

What if I quit my job and go out on a limb to take a better job, just to get laid off in a couple of months? Where will that leave me?

What if he doesn't really love me as much as I love him?

I have no clue how I am going to pay my bills, and still be able to LIVE until next week.

What if this car stops before I get to where I need to go?

Will I ever find someone that is real in every sense of the word?

It's so much easier to just stay mad than to be honest, admit that I was wrong, and work things out...

What does being a Christian really mean to me?

What if I fail after I have put so much effort into this?

All of these doubts...questions...insecurities have crossed my mind as I have made major decisions in my life, and I have overcome them all. People ask, when will this happen in my life or when will I do this? All I can say is, it has me taken all of my life to get where I am. I have been on this journey for a long time. I know I have a long way to go but I must say that I have progressed well over the years. I can't determine how my life will be. I can only make decisions along the way to try to get to where I want to be.

Change is constant, and it is the only thing that I know without a doubt will be there. For now I will enjoy my life as it is, take on trouble as it comes, and love myself enough to do what's best for me and the people I care about.

I won't end this post with a question as I normally do, most of us are still searching for answers...

Adapting to Change

2006-11-09T07:07:00.000-06:00

I see the signs.

My closets are filling up with clothes that don't belong to me.

The other side of my bathroom is occupied.

The newspaper is delivered every morning. I don't read it that often. It depresses me.

The news is on as soon as I open my eyes.

There is someone watching everything I do...every move I make.

Dinner is always on the table.

Clothes go to the cleaners, and come back home without me ever lifting a finger.

I don't have to worry about my bills...They're paid before I can open them.

Football invades my TV on Sundays and Mondays.

The soft scent of candles fill the whole house.

My loads of laundry have gotten larger.

My grocery bill has increased.

But I enjoy every minute of it...

He finally sold his house yesterday, and it's official. They will be closing soon. For the first time in a long time, my daughter and I are sharing our space. I'm just glad he feels comfortable, and he feels like he is at home. He has his own room within the house to do as he pleases. Besides painting and a few minor decorations, I have given him the opportunity to transform his space into what he desires.

We make a lot of choices that affect us in different ways. What choice have you made in your life that has had the greatest affect on how you live your life today?

Mine was having a child. Without her I'd probably be running wild. She has kept me grounded.

Shaking Things Up At the Job

2006-11-08T09:05:00.000-06:00

I guess, just because I don't work in the office everyday, doesn't mean that I can escape office politics. There is a new chic on the prowl, and for the purpose of this post I'll call her Double S (SS) meaning So Scandalous. Until I went into the office recently, SS had never seen me. She has heard stories of me, but this was our first time meeting face to face. She doesn't know me, but she doesn't like me.

According to my staff, SS has been giving them a hard time and making unnecessary demands. She has used what she has to get her position in the workplace. Sorry, but that doesn't work with me. You do the work, get the job done, and we can all live happier.

She had been trying to get my job for the longest, but instead she was given a different position and I got my current position which she was not happy about. I am her boss's boss..if you follow me...So she just left me alone.

She has put her boss in a sticky situation and he called me this morning. She came on to him and he didn't respond. He's happily married. She got angry because he rejected her. He wants to file harassment charges on her, but he feels like the guys in the office will give him a hard time. I told him to look at the situation...if the shoe was on the other foot, and she was upset because someone made advances at her, she would file on him in a heartbeat. Thank goodness he has a witness...

So now that he has reported it to me, even though he is reluctant to file, I have to. Being that I am his boss, I'll have to file all the paperwork and contact HR. I thought today was gonna be an easy day for me....

Why do you think that there is a double standard for men and women when it comes to sexual harassment in the workplace?

A Little Quality Time

2006-11-07T07:20:00.000-06:00

I had to go into the office yesterday, which was a chore within itself.

The times that I do nothing with them, I seem to cherish the most...

Saturday, the men in my life(my man, dad, and brother) went fishing. I got a chance to catch up on so many things with my mother. I can talk to her for hours... Her sisters came by and it was over. Imagine a group of middle aged women, drinking wine, with a whole lot to talk about...The funny thing is, even though I am a mother, I still feel like I am twelve years old again when I am around them. The way they talk in codes and whisper when they are telling something that shouldn't be told. Some things never change.
After the guys got back I was ready to go. Those women wore me out. Go get me this...bring Auntie some of that...Run to the store and get Auntie a little of this...
They just love my man, and he loves the attention. After they ooed and awed over him for a while and stroked his ego, he was finally ready to go. My daughter opted to stay with the fam, which was fine with me!
We were going to go out, but we opted to stay in. We watched Love Jones, which is one of my favorite movies, and I pampered him for the rest of the evening, complete with a massage, and since we had already eaten at my parent's house...a little dessert.

Sunday we went to church and met up with the rest of the family. Sunday evening my man and I cooked a big dinner at my house...I don't know why, it was just the three of us. My daughter baked the most awful cookies that I have ever been forced to eat, but I just smiled and pretended that I loved them. Just the thought of how they tasted...Whew! I don't even want to think about it, it makes me light headed. The things we do for the people we love....

My daughter chose to play in her room for the rest of the evening...she has more than enough to entertain herself. That left more time for me and him...

The more time I spend with him, the more good that I see in him. Of course it could just be those golden eyes which he and all of his brother have, or those dimples, but the fact of the matter is, he is a beautiful person within. That man has a heart of gold. He knows what to say at exactly the right moment. He can change my mood with just a smile, even when I am so pissed off at him that I can throw something. He makes me look within to find the best in me...just being himself.

Real love...exists. We're living proof. I just wish more people would realize how much better life is when two people can love each other, whole-heartedly. Love really can get you through so many things.

I'm in a sappy mood just thinking about him. That confident stride makes me weak in the knees...Let me stop before I tackle him and get his suit wrinkled...

Enough about me...

How are things going with everyone? How was your weekend?

Just Wondering...

2006-11-03T06:45:00.000-06:00

Why did Diva ask me to go out to lunch with him yesterday? Was he serious?

Why do I get pissed off if I miss one minute of Grey's Anatomy?

Why did she ask me for money to help pay for her abortion if she chooses to get rid of the child? Did she understand anything I was saying to her?

Why did he wake up so early this morning wanting some you know what?

Why did I roll over and go back to sleep like I didn't hear him?

Why do I have to tear myself out of my warm bed to get on this d*** computer for work?

Why do I need the money?

Why does he insist that we go to the cabin for the weekend and take his little cousin to keep my
child occupied?

Why did I say I didn't want to go because don't I feel like being responsible for someone else's
child for 2 days?

Why did she call me this morning to see if I'll keep my god-daughter the whole weekend?

Why did she wait 'til the last minute to ask, and expect me to drop my plans?

Why did I say no? I can keep her for one day only...

Why did she sound like she was pissed off?

Why didn't I care?

Why did the cashier at the store give me too much change?

Why did I want to keep it?

Why did I feel bad and give it back?

Why were there so many cute boots on sale?

Why did I have to buy 4 pair because I couldn't choose the ones I wanted?

Why were his eyes so big when I walked in the house with the all the bags?

Why did my child have 2 bags of her own?

Why didn't I care? (Because, I have not spent any money in a while and I needed to treat myself.)

Why did his expression change when he saw that 2 of the bags were for him?

Why am I starving, but I'm feeling too lazy to fix breakfast?

Why am I sooo not a morning person?

Why was my attitude so jacked up this morning?

Why is he in there making breakfast now?

Why does he know me so well?

Why do I love him so much ?

Why does he look so good in that black sweater and slacks?

Why do I wish I would have gotten up when he tried to wake me up this morning?

Why did he read my expression and tell me that he will be coming home for lunch?

Why am I excited already?

Why do I keep asking questions that I already know the answer to?

Oh well....

She's Human...

2006-11-02T08:26:00.000-06:00

One of the girls in my teen group has gotten herself into a mess. She's pregnant, her home environment is very instable, and the guy she is pregnant by has no real feelings for her. He says that he knows the baby is his but he doesn't want a kid right now. He is going off to college and he doesn't want a baby slowing him down. She came to me asking what she should do, and I told her that just like choosing to have sex was her choice, the consequences of her actions must be her choice as well. She was a little upset because I didn't tell her what she should do, but I can only help so much.

There is no easy way out of this situation. If she chooses to keep the child, life will be a bigger struggle for her than it already is. If she gets rid of the child, she'll have to live with that decision for the rest of her life. She has a part-time job after school, and no money.

I can offer moral support, but I have so many other girls that depend on me. I cannot support her financially, which is what I think she wanted. She kept throwing hints. I caught them, but I played dumb. She asked if she could stay with me for a while and I told her that couldn't do that. We signed a waiver at the center that strictly forbids us to do so. All I could say to her was, I've been there and I know what you're up against. I didn't want to give her the I told you so song. I'm sure she has heard it by now.

I am disappointed but it's life. Things happen. She has a lot of potential but a baby is a huge responsibility. I don't think she understands what is in store, but she will soon.

What would you do in this situation?

Party At My Place...

2006-11-01T07:14:00.000-06:00

I really don't like to celebrate Halloween. I never have. My parents weren't into it so I guess it was never that important to me. My man convinced me to get into this year. I had a lot of fun.

Yesterday, my man and I spent the whole day with my child. We started off at her school. I was the "room mom for the day". We planned things for them to do, read 2 Halloween books, and had some cute little Halloween snacks. I ordered pizza for their lunch. Her dad along with a few other parents showed up when it was time for their party to lend a helping hand. I must say, kids ask so many questions. They know me and my daughter's dad and they were so curious to see who the strange man was in their class. He explained to them that my daughter was special because she had 2 dads who take care of her.

I don't believe in taking my child trick or treating so we had a Halloween party at my house last night. We planned it a couple of weeks ago. All of my friends, my brother, and my man's brothers helped out. Diva, Softspoken and I did all the decorations. I think the adults had as much fun as the kids. We had a scary maze set up in the garage. We had fun games set up inside...Spider Bingo, Mummy Chairs (musical chairs), face painting, Halloween Trivia, and so many more. It wasn't really big, but it served it's purpose for a bunch of kids all under the age of 9.

After spending a whole day entertaining children, I am so happy that I only had to keep one there and I could ship the rest of them home to their parents!

As much as I love my man and my child, I will be so happy to see them walk out the door, get into his car, and go off on their way to school and work.

I need a ME day today...badly!

What did you do for Halloween?

Cleaning Out My Closet...

2006-10-30T07:01:00.000-06:00

I had a wonderful weekend! I needed the little get-away so badly, but it's back to business for now. We have something planned for tomorrow, but I'll blog about that later...

As the day grows nearer, your voice gets louder in my head.

Why couldn't it be me?

Then I realize, the voice is not in my head, you say it every time we talk.

I make final arrangements and get things together, and still, you call me.

All of the years of my life that I gave to you were still not enough.

The thought of me getting married drives you insane.

You have been the man who has had a say in my life all these years and now, your time is up.

Before we were lovers, we were friends.

You still call to talk to me about your problems and the good things that are going on in your
life. I just listen. I don't comment.

You complain because I never share what's going on in my life. I don't feel I have to.

You say that no relationship can be that good. He can't possibly be that good to me.

You say that he is going to hurt me one day. Just like all the rest.

I don't allow what you say to change how I feel about him because I know that you are speaking from a place that can no longer touch me..and you are jealous that he can touch me with a single word.

You want us to fail...You want to be in his shoes.

Our conversations are getting shorter because he takes up all my time.

You get angry because there is no us anymore.

Now it's just him and I, and your daughter, and you are on the outside looking in.

You had your chance to have a family but you chose to have fun instead....All at the expense of
me and your child.

I gave you chances, you made your choices...

Now he has the opportunity to do the one thing that you couldn't do, make me happy.

When you couldn't get in touch with me this weekend, you nearly lost your mind.

I could hear it in your voice. You pretended that my child needed me to get me to call, and when I called, she was fine.

You have lost your hold on me and you are heartbroken, but I can't think of that because now, I am happy.

I am finally able to look at you...talk to you...think of you...and know that my heart is with him.

All of my doubts and fears of us never being together again are gone.

I know he's the one for me.

No matter how many times you call...No matter how many times you tell me you are still in
love with me ...No matter how many times you beg me to take you back and try it again...I
can't do it.

I know what I have with him is rare. You can see it, and you want it so badly. But it could
never happen between you and I.

I am over you...and as soon as I can say all this to you face to face, I'll be fine.

Do you have some skeletons that you need to get rid of?

A Couple of Days Away From My Life...

2006-10-26T08:12:00.000-05:00

My man has to attend an out of town conference today and tomorrow. He will be busy all day today and most of the day tomorrow. He'll fianlly be free tomorrow evening. His flight left about an hour ago but you know I'm not far behind. I'll be leaving this evening.

I can't wait...I'll have a long weekend in a hotel with the man I love without a care in the world...

I still have to pack for my pleasure weekend...He packed lightly so I'm sure we won't be going out too much...LOL!

So, do you have plans for the weekend?

What Do You See When You Look At Me?

2006-10-25T07:09:00.000-05:00

My man had me so irritated yesterday. He was in a bad mood because of something that had happened at work and he brought that s*** home. Ugh!

I didn't say anything to him. I just let him walk around the house and throw his little temper tantrum for an hour or so. I was cooking dinner and he came to me and said,

"What Do You See When You Look At Me?"

Not knowing where this all came from or where it was going, I hesitated and thought for a moment. Did he want to know what I saw physically, or did he want to know what I saw beyond the looks?

After a short pause I said, "I see something wonderful when I look at you. I see a handsome man, who takes care of himself, to make sure he'll be around to take care of me for a long time. I see a man that is loving, kind, patient, loyal and honest. I see a man who has the ability to make me melt with just one word. I see a man who is sure of himself in every way...his religion, his career, his life. I see a man who is able to take charge of situations rather than wait for someone else to make all the decisions. When I look at you, I see love. What it has been to me, what is to me now, and what it will be in the future."

I could see him smiling from the inside out. Whatever he had on his mind didn't seem to matter as much. He started helping me with dinner.

Relationships are hard work! As much as I wanted to knock his head off I didn't. I just let him have his time and work his situation out on his own without interference. It's not that I didn't care about what was on his mind I just felt like if he wanted me to know, he would have told me. Sometimes situations are not there for me to fix.

What do you want people to see when they look at you?

Pushin' New Wheels...

2006-10-24T07:18:00.000-05:00

I'm walking around, feeling like a million bucks! My weekend was relaxing and satisfying. Whew...just the thought of it makes me quiver and smile...I'm sexhausted and luvin' it!

I want a new car, but I have no idea what I want. That's my wedding gift from my parents. I'll have to make the payments of course but they are going to put the money down to get things started.

I'm looking for some ideas. I'm open for suggestions...

What cars/trucks/SUVs do you like?

Where is Her Head?

2006-10-20T07:09:00.000-05:00

I knew it! I told her not to get back with him, but did she listen? No! She hasn't been back with him a whole week and she's already in the midst of some baby momma drama. What was she thinking. He has 2 kids outside of the marriage so that means twice the drama. She tries to rationalize the situation by saying, "But he's my husband." I tell her all the time," He stopped being your husband in his heart the first time he had unprotected sex with another woman. He didn't know what he was bringing home to you. But it looks like he brought home more than he bargained for...twice."

During the time that Angel and her husband were separated, he was living with one of his kid's mothers. Now that Angel has decided to take him back, his son's mother is not having it. She has been harassing him and my girl to the fullest.

It got out of hand yesterday. His son's mother came to my Angel's house and just parked her car outside. She kept calling their house. It was a mess.

Angel called me to pick the baby up because it was so much going on. When I got there, the girl was still parked outside with one of her friends sitting in the passenger's seat. I don't know who was crazier, his son's mother for parking outside of Angel's house or her friend for tagging along.

I got my god-daughter and got out of there. I wanted no parts of the drama. I am so sad that the poor baby was put into such a stressful situation. The world is crazy enough without adding crazy parents to the equation.

I'll do all I can for that little girl, but at the end of the day, she's not mine. I have to allow her mother to raise her, be it crazy or not. But when she is with me and my little family, she can have some peace.

So much for a day of rest, but I guess it comes with being a real friend to someone. Being there for the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Why do people insist on doing stupid things when the know better?

Why do people bring children into crazy situations? Kids only complicate bad situations...

Can the sex be THAT good?

Him Again...

2006-10-18T10:07:00.000-05:00

I was talking to a friend of mine about love. She is in love, and she had to tell someone. You know that new, intense, getting to know you love.

The love I share with my man is much deeper, but I didn't steal her moment. I just smiled and listened because I knew she was happy if she even felt a portion of what I feel for my man.

As the cold weather approaches, the closer we become.

I enjoy the quiet evenings we spend, cuddled up together, doing nothing but feeling everything at the same time. I still have yet to wake up from this dream.

It has been a while since I have posted about him. He just gets better with time. Just when I think things with him can't get any better, he surprises me.

I fell in love with his smile...those dimples...his swagger...his personality...his intelligence. he seems to know something about everything, and if he doesn't know, he's eager to find out. He treats me like a woman. He is gentle with me and tries to protect me at all times, but he gives me enough room to be by own woman. He listens when I speak, even if it is something that I know he doesn't want to hear. He won't comment, but he hears what I have to say. The type of relationship that I have with him is one that I wished for years ago. He wants the same things that I want in life. I am able to plan ahead because we are on the same page. It's crazy how we're in sync and are able to agree on things with little discussion.

He told me yesterday that we are already becoming one... I allow him to be a man (that's not saying that he has control over me), but I give him the opportunity to lead the household because he knows how to take the responsibility without abusing it.

I am happy to do things for him because he puts forth so much effort to keep me happy. We go through things, just like any other couple, but it's how we are able to come through the situations that bring us closer.

When I do things that he doesn't agree with, he shows me what he likes, rather than become confrontational. I have learned through experience to do the same...

I make efforts to keep things spicy around the house ( I am a freak behind closed doors...so is he). It makes for some interesting days and nights...

I'm smiling as I am typing this post because it makes me think of him and what he'd be doing if he were here right now.

He would be all over me...just as he always is when my daughter's not home....and I love it!

I don't have any questions today...just thoughts of the man I love and how me he shows me, that he loves me just as much!

Annoyed...

2006-10-17T07:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, we had a big dinner for all the volunteers, parents, and kids at the center where I work with the teen girls. Though it was nice, I noticed that I am annoyed by a lot of things lately...

People who tap me on my shoulder as they are calling my name to get my attention.

People who smack their food.

People who talk with their mouth full.

It annoys me to no end when I am having a conversation with someone and every time I say something, they have either done it, know someone who has done it, or they can do it better.

Talking to someone who is trying to use big words, but the words make no sense when they are grouped together (Insert blank stare).

A complete stranger whom I'll probably never see again asking to borrow a dollar.

Women who are dressed nice and their kids look like bums.

People who ask me where I bought something that I have on.

Guys who wear belts and suspenders....I mean, how much support could they possible need? One or the other please!

Women who wear shoes that they can' t walk in. If you can't work them, leave them alone.

People who wear a watch and ask me what time it is.

Women who wear clothes that they know shouldn't be worn before dark, to a family function.

People who complain about something that is FREE!

I'm sure I've said this before, but I'll mention it again...mohawks are not for everyone!

People who yell and curse at their kids instead of talking to them and the kid keeps doing what they where doing wrong in the first place. Obviously it's NOT working!

People who have NOTHING, but are so quick to talk bad about someone else.

People who can't control their bad a** kids!

What annoys you?

You Are On Your Own...

2006-10-16T07:52:00.000-05:00

It's official. My girl is crazy. She just had a baby by her cheating husband, which she has not divorced yet. I don't know if it's post-partum depression or what, but she has totally lost her mind. For those of you that have been reading my blog for a while, you may remember the story of Angel. She was married to a man who had 2 children by two different women outside of their marriage that he didn't tell her about, along with countless other things.

She has decided that it would be best for the baby if they get back together. I am her friend, and I know I can't control what other adults do, but I wish she would stop being weak! She tried to tell me all the reasons why she should be with him and for every reason she gave me, I gave her two reason why she should not be with him. She says that she needs him in her life right now. There are people that are necessary in my life, hence my last post, but the people that I need are good to me. That man has given her so much grief, but she is willing to forgive all the hurt just so that she can have a family!

I had a headache after I finished talking to her. All of my friends are so upset. Number one, because she dragged us into the whole thing...Pulled a disappearing act and scared us all...We had to help her pick up the pieces when he was not around( paying bills, buying things for the baby, and just being there).

She said some really hurtful things. She called crying as soon as she got home. I didn't answer the phone. Not because I was upset with her, but because, this time I'm going to let her go through her mess alone. I guess she didn't learn her lesson the first time around. I will forgive her, but I will never forget.

I have decided that I will just let her learn for herself. I have given my two cents but her mind is made up. I thought Diva was going to hit her for a minute there....They were going back and forth and finally he said, "I'm just going to let you be stupid by yourself." For the first time, he had nothing else to say. None of us did. She walked out of my house in a huff, with her baby in tow.

I told her as she and my god-daughter were leaving, "I'll keep the guest room ready for you. Be careful how you treat people because you never know how soon you may need that person. "
She walked out, but we all know that she will be back.

Why do people insist on thinking with their heart rather than their head?

Necessary People

2006-10-13T07:39:00.000-05:00

My work got the best of me yesterday (it's my fault), but I'm back!

Why do we desire companionship? Do you think it is natural to want other people around you, or do you think it depends on your personal preference? Who wakes up one morning in their right frame of mind and says, "I wish everyone would go away and never return?"

I know there are loners in the world, but at some point you have to desire some type of interaction with another person...don't you?

I enjoy being by myself at times, but I wouldn't want to be alone every waking moment. I feel that everyone NEEDS someone in their life. Whether it be their family or friends.

Although I could make it on my own, I love the fact that I have good people around me. Just think ...If someone that means so much to you was taken from you today, how would you cope?
I would be devastated...heck, I'd probably seek counseling. It's funny how we can go from normal to nothing in the blink of an eye...

I had a scare yesterday. I was supposed to pick Softspoken up from the airport. I got there, and his plane was delayed. I waited for him for over and hour. When his plane finally landed, he was nowhere to be found. I couldn't get a signal on my cell phone, so I called him from a pay phone. His phone kept going to the voice mail on the first ring. I started to get worried. I hate to panic so I sat down for a moment to gather my thoughts. I called my house to check my message...I knew if he couldn't get me on my cell, he would call my house. There was a message from him. "Where are you? I have been waiting on you! I can't believe you forgot about me!" Even though he was yelling( which is sooo not like him), I was happy to hear his voice. He left the gate number where he was. I was at the wrong gate, which was his fault because he had changed his flight but never called back to give me the new info! I finally found him and he explained what happened. I was so happy to see him that I couldn't even be mad at him. Even though the situation was not major, it still made me think...

Who do you feel is necessary in your life?

Plans

2006-10-12T07:07:00.000-05:00

I started writing a post yesterday, but ended up in a horizontal tango, so that ended as quickly as it started...

I plan things. But my day never goes as planned...I guess when you have so much going on in your life, planning is not an option.

I planned to work for half a day, have lunch with my mom, and take my daughter to the arcade.

I ended up tumbling most of the afternoon with my man, going out to dinner with my little family, and tumbling all night... Did I get any work done? No. Am I going to pay for it today? Big Time!

Do you plan things, or do you just go with the flow? Does it work for you?

Don't Ask...

2006-10-10T09:19:00.000-05:00

If you know you have issues, why ask other people if they recognize your issues? Get it together...

If you're needy, co-dependent, have low self esteem, and you let men walk all over you...Don't ask me why men treat you the way that they do.

If you eat junk food all day long and you don't work out, don't ask me why you're gaining weight.

If you have a bad attitude and you're rude...Don't ask me why you don't have any friends.

If you're always negative and you never see the brighter side of life, don't ask me why you attract negative people who love to start s*** all the time.

If you sleep with any and everyone in town, don't ask me why no one wants to marry you.

If you've had 3 abortions, don't ask my why you can't have kids now.

If you spend all your money frivolously, don't ask me why you don't have money when we all get together and hang out.

If you have kids by different fathers, don't ask me why your kids look nothing alike.

If you try to live above your means, don't ask me why you're struggling.

If you know you can't cook, don't ask me why no one wants to come to your house for a meal.

If you know you're cheap, don't ask me why you don't have expensive things.

If you call my house and I tell you that I'm spending quality time with my family, don't ask me if you can stop by.

If you see me walking briskly through the store with an armful of things, don't ask me why you'll get run over if you get in my way.

The lesson for the day...Don't Ask...

What are some stupid things that people ask you?

No Regrets...

2006-10-09T06:41:00.000-05:00

I am in a sappy mood today. Must be the weather....

I remember the first day we met. He was with his boys. I was with my girl. He passed by my table, and I looked up for just a moment. We made eye contact. There was definitely an attraction, but I didn't think much of it.

One of his boys approached our table, interested in my friend. She liked him too. So they exchanged numbers. He came by just as we were finishing our meal. He said, "how are you ladies this evening?" I could tell he was nervous, but he kept it cool. After brief conversation he laid his card down on the table in front of me and walked away. He was cocky, but not conceited. Sure of himself...He was very good looking, but I have had several pretty boys in the past so that was not enough to hook me...Well the dimples got me a little bit...

I held onto his card, but I didn't call. Not because I didn't like him. Just because I knew that a man that gorgeous had to be trouble. I was in a good place, enjoying the single life, and I didn't want him to wreck my flow.

One evening out of the blue, he calls. He got my number from my girl that was now going out with his friend...After a long conversation, he invited me to a party that he and his friends were throwing. It was cool, and I had a ball. We danced most of the night. I left the party feeling good, but still scared to deal with him. He was too perfect...

After about a week of him calling and me never returning his calls, my girl calls me to see what's wrong. I told her how I felt and she told me to go for it. So I called him.

I could hear the surprise in his voice. I was skeptical...He invited me to his place. I was impressed, but still cautious. As I said before...too perfect. That night, I had sex with him. Good sex. He wanted me to stay, but I got up and left. After that, he saw that I wasn't looking for a relationship, and he became by sex buddy. I called him...he called me...and it was on.

One night, after we had both taken a shower, he sat down on the bed. My heart was pounding because morning was approaching fast and my daughter would be up soon. At the time, I had rules...He had to come over after she went to bed, and had to be gone before sunrise, but he was stretching them... He said, "why do we keep playing this game. I like you a lot, and I know you like me. I'm single and so are you. We're only sexing each other...so let's take it to another level. I promise you won't regret it." I was nervous for the most part, but I did it. Soon after that, he met my child and it's been an uphill journey since then. We have had a few obstacles, but we have made it thus far... I won't say that he is my soul mate. I don't even know that there is such a thing. But I do believe I found the person that was created for me...the dimpled smile still gets to me...

We are sitting here doing our regular morning routine. There is NO talking going on. I am not a morning person, and they know better...He's sitting across from me eating his breakfast. My daughter is at the other end of the table trying to get the prize out of the box of cereal even though she's not eating it(note to self...don't eat the Captain Crunch) and I am typing away on my laptop, drinking herbal tea. It's supposed to be a warm day today and we are all going out later this afternoon.

Moments like these make me cherish what I have. As I look at my child I realize that I made the right decision. Though I was young and scared and I had a big choice to make. I didn't have 2 nickels to rub together, but I chose to keep her. I look at those eyes staring back at me, and I'm glad I made the right choice.

He's looking at me as I am staring at my child, as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking. He reaches for my hand. He strokes my palm gently before he kisses my hand.

I have been through so much with men...and life in general. I am in a good place. My bills are paid, and I am happy. I've made some big decisions in my life, and they have worked out good for me.

I chose to bring my child into this world...I chose to work my way up, and go out on the limb for a better job...I chose to buy a home...I chose to finally trust what a man told me...I'm glad I did!

What decision(s) have you made in your life (even though they may have been hard) that you don't regret...

The Blank Stare....

2006-10-06T06:49:00.000-05:00

The chic made it to the session with the teen girls, and she actually enjoyed it. She says that she would like to come back next week. She has a long way to go to broaden that narrow mind of hers, but I see a little progress...

The blank stare is my thing. It has so many uses in my life. But for the most part, I use it when people say or do stupid s***! I don't say anything...I just sit there with a lost look on my face because words could not express what is going through my head at that moment. To me it's hilarious because people have no clue of what I'm thinking and they keep trying to explain further, to see if the look will go away. Or they just look at my life I'm crazy, and I burst into a fit of laughter. It's versatile. It can mean anything from huh to shut the h*ll up!

The latest instances of the blank stare...

I was at the health food store and I asked the lady working behind the counter if they sell honey that was made locally. ( My mother taught me the trick a long time ago. If you use honey that was made in your area, it decreases your chance of experiencing the symptoms...watery eyes, runny nose, itchy throat...It really works!) So when I ask her she says," I'm sorry, we only have honey that was made in Dallas, we don't have any local honey." (Insert blank stare)

My man and I went to a local seafood restaurant and since space is limited the parking there is "valet only". We get out of the car and my man hands the valet the keys and the valet says , "would you like me to park your car sir?" (Insert blank stare)

I was at the mall shopping for my god-daughter and the lady working in the store asks if I need any help. I tell her no, and continue perusing the store. She then makes a comment, "you don't like you just had an infant." I say, "I didn't." Then she says, "then why are you buying baby clothes." (Insert blank stare...as I turn to walk out the store.)

I was at church and the lady next to me comments on my outfit. Being that I was in my zone, I thanked her, and continued with my praise. She keeps talking...(Insert blank stare)

I had to go into the office yesterday, and one of the ladies in the office was trying to fill me in on the latest gossip. (Insert blank stare) I could care less what happens there.

I was at the grocery store paying for my things and the cashier gives me a sly grin as he is ringing them up. Then he starts with the small talk. What's a pretty lady like you doing in the grocery store? I didn't get it. Are ugly people the only people that get hungry. (Insert blank stare)

Diva invited me out to lunch and he says, after we finished our meal. Girl, I forgot to tell you, I'm broke as a joke today. Can you get this one? (Insert blank stare)

A lady is in the line at the store in front of me. She has four small kids and she is counting change to pay for her food. She looked tired and worn. After she has emptied her purse and pockets, she realized that she doesn't have enough to pay for the few things, and she starts picking things to put back. The gum popping cashier is annoyed and she was being so rude to the lady. When I finally realize what is going, I gave the lady the money she needed to pay for her things. After the cashier rings up my things she says. "There are just not enough nice people in this world." (Insert blank stare)

While I was walking out the store, I notice that the lady and her four kids are walking towards the bus stop at the end of the parking lot. I normally park far away from the store and other cars so that I won't return to my car and have a dented surprise. I notice a fast food joint next to the bus stop. I drive up to the lady and tell her to meet me inside. I told her and her kids to get whatever they wanted, and paid for the food and left. She sat at the table with her grocery bags and kids in tow, and cried as she thanked me for helping them. To this day, I don't know her name, but I'm glad that I could make her and her kids happy, if only for a moment.

What is your thing? What do you do that annoys people or makes them laugh?

Girl, Sit Your Hot A** Down!

2006-10-04T07:00:00.000-05:00

My best friend has a small problem that he told me about a few days ago....There is a young lady in his office that is infatuated with him. She is a secretary for him and two other guys. He says that she makes subtle gestures, and she always takes a little extra time with the things he asks her to do. She has worked for him for a few months now, and lately she has been a little over the top. He appreciates her efforts, but he doesn't know what her motive is.

Softspoken is a very nice person. He treats everyone with respect, and he doesn't like to hurt people's feelings if he can help it. He says that her blouses have been getting lower and her skirts have been getting shorter. She makes an effort to be seen but he says, she does absolutely nothing for him. He said that his colleges are always talking about her because she is very attractive, but he never really comments. They all notice the way that she is around him...If it were one of them, they would have been on her months ago. He is a gentleman and I think that's what she likes.

The fact is, no one at his job knows that he's gay. He says that he's not ashamed, he has just chosen to keep his business and personal life separate. He doesn't know what to do in this situation, so he called me...Normally it's the other way around.

He has worked hard to get to this new job...So I told him, "if telling her you're gay will in anyway affect you at work, other than having a disappointed secretary, then keep it to yourself and tell her you're not interested. If she can't handle rejection and starts a problem for you at work, then find a new secretary." That's all I have...

Any suggestions?

Why do some people work so hard to be seen by others? I never go after guys, even if I think they are attractive...I like the chase....I like for them to come to me.

I'm Growing...

2006-10-03T06:46:00.000-05:00

The older I get, the more I realize that I could care less what people think of me, say to me, or even do to me. Things that used to get to me down don't phase me in the same way...

My friends say that I'm "funny-acting" at times, because I don't take to everyone. If I don't have much in common with a person, I'm not going to sit there and talk to them for the sake of conversation. I prefer to be quiet and listen to people anyway.

Yesterday, my friends came over and I cooked dinner for the crew. Why is it that when I invite these people to my house, someone always has to bring someone new? Now I am not against meeting new people, but dang, can't you warn a sistah first? Especially if I have to feed them...

Ambitious brought this chic and her friend. They go to his club frequently. She was a tad bit "snooty" for my liking. She looked, acted, and even smelled of money, from her car down to her shoes...She came in the door commenting on everything around my house. When it comes to something that I like, I spare no expense. My friends call my house the museum because I collect rare pieces of art and I buy things that catch my eye and I display the pieces in such a way that gives them life. I love to support up and coming artists. I appreciate these things, but I don't like clutter. I have the space to display them tastefully...She knew a little about a few of the pieces but did she have to touch everything when she commented? She was walking her friend around acting like she was my personal docent. She got just a little too comfy in my space. Her friend was following behind her like a flunky.

After their tour, they took a seat with the rest of us (by now I am ticked because she was rude), but I am working on me...So still I said nothing.

We had dinner and they all fixed drinks...Even though I don't drink(with the exception of my island vacation) I keep a little something around for my friends...all of them drink.

Normally this is when things start to get crazy in my circle...Alcohol makes people say what they think, and this time was no exception...Green Eyes starts to question the girls. He asks where they are from, what they do for a living...He's a walking interviewer. He does this to everyone, but we are used to him. He lets up off of them for a while, and everyone wants to know how my teen girls are doing. I tell them about some of my plans and they give their input. They all pitch in to help me with the activities that I plan for them. We are taking them to the State Fair next week and they are all coming to help supervise and well as help out financially with the girls who have nothing, to make sure that they all have a good time.

I guess this sparked an interest in one of the chics because, the more dominant of the pair starts in with a line of questioning of her own. But the questions are directed at me. She says, "who died and left you this house because I know that we can't afford a house in this neighborhood." I gave her an evil glare. I said, "First of all, it's that type of mentality that keeps us from being where we need to be." I shook my head in disgust. She said. "You talk about what you do for the "girls in the hood" ( that reference made me even angrier), but if you live nowhere near the hood, so how can you help them?" I said to her, "the whole point is to get them out of their environment so they can see that there is more to life than what they see everyday." She said, "so you think by going in giving them motivational speeches on a weekly basis and taking them on a few rides is going to change these girls. They are rotten to the core. They were born in the hood, and they'll die in the hood. Being nothing. Just like their mothers before them, and so on..." By now I was livid! I hated the fact that she was trying to belittle me and my efforts and put down these girls at the same time. In this world there are the haves and the have nots. She definitely had everything, but I could still see an emptiness hiding behind her words and her money...

I stayed calm. Now this is the point where intelligence had to outweigh ignorance or the whole conversation is in vain. I shut her up without raising my voice, I just let the facts speak for themselves. People mindlessly degrade others without taking a look in the mirror. I know that we were born into privilege. I have two wonderful parents who worked very hard to provide for my brother and I, and growing up I got everything that I needed and most of the things that I wanted. She comes from a long line of money makers... Is it wrong for me to want the best for girls who didn't have the same? I know that I can't give them the world, but I give them what I have...me. My time...my heart...my resources. The main thing that they need is someone to care.

Even though this b**** was rude and she was about 10 steps across the line, I invited her to step off her mighty horse come and see what I was talking about. She as well as my other friends are coming to my weekly session with the girls. I can't save the world, but I can help break the cycle...one ignorant a** person at a time...

This whole situation is evidence of the changes taking place in my life. Instead of being confrontational( which my friends expected), I used my knowledge to get my point across. I may have even found another financial supporter for my efforts. Until she sees and knows what it going on, she can't speak on it. If she walks out of there and doesn't feel at least an ounce of compassion, then she is heartless. These girls are not lost, they are just confused.

Do you see evidence of growth and change in your life?

I Just Want My Friend Back...

2006-10-02T06:26:00.000-05:00

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers....

My man's mother went home Saturday. Thank the Lord that she is okay. The doctor said that she was just suffering from exhaustion and hypertension. They ran test after test, and didn't find anything wrong with any of her vital organs, but everything was out of whack. After a few days of complete bed rest, she was telling up people what to do again. She still has to go for two follow-up visits with a specialist, but for the most part, she seems okay. We are still looking out for her and praying.

It felt good for my man to be back in his comfort zone on Sunday. After we visited his mother at home, and then stopped by my parent's house for dinner, we went to the lake. Yesterday was a beautiful day. He opened up and talked to me about what he had been feeling, and I was relieved. I only had one complaint in the whole matter. I explained to him that when things happen, he can't just shut down and not let me know what's going on with him. I can't help when I don't know. He agreed to work on it. We'll see. Actions speak volumes...

He definitely has his appetite back. My mom said she was surprised he didn't eat her plate. He was not playin' with that food! LOL. We stopped by and he ate again after we left the lake...That man is something else...

After we got home, he sang to me...We danced...We started watching Love Jones(I love that movie) , and fell asleep before the end...Laying back on the couch...my head on his chest...Him holding me tight...It was a recipe for intimacy...

I am happy to have the man that I deserve in my life. A man that loves me and cares for me, in the midst of it all. I know there is a lot of temptation out there, but he continually brings it home to me...Love...compassion...honesty(even when I really don't want to hear the truth). He is real. Not a dream, because he has his flaws, but he helps me to understand him just as I help him to understand me. I have to be open and willing to except the good with bad...It's really good to have someone that you can rely on. If I call on him, he answers...When I need him, he's there. I give him the same thing in return.

It's wonderful when a person can look past everything, and see you for who you are, and love you...from your soul. He loves the person that I am, and the person that I am striving to be. He supports my dreams...

Here I was getting frustrated, trying to figure out how to be there for him and in his mind, he realized what he was doing without me having to say a word. He apologized for how he had been acting even though I understood completely. If there was something going on with my mom I would be the same way...For the first time in a long time, we prayed together. Prayer is a powerful thing...

I hope all of you that are looking for true love find it...and for those of you that are not looking, I who it jumps out and grabs you. Love is the greatest gift that I have been given thus far. From my family...my friends...and from a man that I love so much in return.

So, how is your love life?

He's Stressing Me

2006-09-29T10:57:00.000-05:00

I have been burning the candle at both ends the past couple of days, so this weekend I plan to relax...

How can you be there for someone when you don't know what they need?

Everyone deals with stress differently. My man likes to be alone when he is stressed, but he expects me to be supportive. Telepathy was one of the many gifts that I wasn't given. I know he is sad that his mom is sick. I know he is going through something. But that's all I know. How can you be there for someone who wants to be alone? The whole situation has me confused. Am I supposed to sit and wait until he needs me, or do I go on with my usual day until he asks for my help?

What do you say to someone who doesn't want to talk?

If I say something, he seems irritated. If I don't say anything, he seems irritated. To simplify matters and to keep the peace in my household, I'm just going to give him some time...

Expect the Unexpected

2006-09-28T07:02:00.000-05:00

My man's mother is in the hospital. She has been there since yesterday and they still don't know what's wrong with her. She collapsed without warning. I talked my man into leaving the hospital to take a shower at least, but he still won't eat anything. He just left to go back to the hospital with his dad and his brothers. I pray that she is okay. Even though we have our differences, I don't wish anything bad on anyone. I pray that they can handle whatever God has in store.

My man's whole family is at the hospital, so I probably won't go back up there until later this evening. (I have to get a little work done, and I'm going to catch up on my blog reading...) Aunts, uncles, cousins...so many unfamiliar faces. I'm tired, but I can't sleep because I'm worried about him. My man and his brothers are very close to their mom so I can only imagine what they are going through.

Even though our parents may not be the best people in the world all the time, it is important to make ammends with them while they are living, and remember the legacy they left after they are gone. There is some good in everyone, even if you have to dig deep to find it.

For those of you that have parents living, no matter what type of life they have affored you, let them know how you feel. Get things off your chest. Don't live with the skeletons that they have placed in your closet...You may regret it when they are gone.

For all that have lost a parent, I can't say that I know how you feel, or that I want to know, all I can say is, May God Bless You and Continue to keep you...

Too Tired To Think Today....

2006-09-26T10:24:00.000-05:00

I don't know how my cousin does it. She along with her youngest child have strep throat , so that left 5 healthy munchkins in need of somewhere to go. I had 5 kids yesterday that I didn't give birth to plus my own child, and my man and I are still tired. We helped with homework, cooked, cleaned, read books, broke up sibling spouts, played with dolls, played video games, watched movies, worked puzzles, and finally went to sleep after we got her 3 year old to go to sleep.

She asked me to pick them up today...I can't do it. I have plans. Plus my child will be with her dad for the evening. I love 'em but she needs to get the rolodex out and call their daddies...

I have a nice evening planned for me and my man for being himself and loving me the way that he does...He's always giving me so much, I just thought I would return the favor...

For those of you that have children, how many do you have? Do you want more?

For those of you that don't have kids, do you want them someday?

This Chic Has Lost Her Mind....

2006-09-25T06:35:00.000-05:00

Saturday afternoon, my little family took a trip to the aquarium. My daughter is fascinated with nature and science, so I try to find places that focus on these things. She appreciates these things even though she is young.

We had planned a trip to the zoo, but there was rain in the forecast, so I changed the plans at the last minute. As we were walking along, we meet up with this family who has small kids, but the bunch was a little rowdy, so I was trying to get away from them as quickly as possible. My daughter, amazed by the creatures had to tell me every fact that she knows about everyone that we come in contact with. So the group soon catches up with us.

My man and I are on one end of the small hallway, and my daughter has drifted off to the other end...She is still in my range of vision, not close enough for me to touch, but close enough for me to get to if there is danger. A little girl who looks to be about her age walks over to my daughter and began to speak. My daughter, much like me, doesn't really warm up to strange people, especially if she is engrossed in something that she likes. She says hello to the little girl, but pays little attention to her, so the little girl walks off and goes back with her little gang of folks.

We move on...they soon follow. Again the little girl walks up to my daughter.. Again my child ignores the little girl, and we move on.

This little girl wasn't having it. She walks behind my child, along with another little girls in their group, and she pushes my daughter...Big mistake. My man starts to walk toward them, but I grab his arm. I want to see what my daughter is going to do on her own...My brother has been playing rough with her since she was younger, (the same way he used to with me when we were kids, so she is prissy, but she is very tough). I know that my child is tough, but I always wondered if she would fight back when she was put in the situation. I guess I got my answer.

Without saying a word, she slapped the heck out of that little girl, twice....Since we were walking down glass enclosed hallways, the licks rang out like a bell. The little girl screamed. I knew my girl could handle it...The mother of the little girl walks over to them, and I start walking that way as well. Instead of the lady trying to see what happened, she grabs my child by the arm. So without thinking, I grab her. No one, puts their hand on my kid....No one!

Up until then, my daughter has never seen me act a fool. The lady was much bigger than I was, but she had little balance because she was holding a baby. I slammed her head into the glass as hard as I could, and she let my child's arm go. She grabs her head and looks at me like I'm crazy....(Dynamite comes in small packages b****)...Then she starts to explain. Saying that my kid hit her child for no reason. Seeing that we weren't getting anywhere, my man, the voice of reason, steps in and says, why don't we let the kids tell what happened.

The little girl actually told the truth and the mother apologizes. The lady's husband just stands there, not saying a word. All I had to say to her was, think before you grab someone's child. The only reason I didn't try to hurt you in some way was number one, you had a baby in your arms and I was trying not to hurt the child, and number two, my child was watching me. Next time you won't be so lucky.

I was so ready to get out of there, but of child wanted to stay. I was hyped for the rest of the visit, so afterwards, we opted to go to the arcade and play some video games.

I called my brother as soon as I got home to tell him about his niece. He was proud. I was still a little mad that I didn't do anymore to the lady, but I didn't want to hurt the baby...plus she was a big one...so that would have been a challenge...not the first one though.

My man said he was proud of me. A few months ago I wouldn't have been able to contain myself. I was happy...I made it out of another public brawl without going to jail...I guess you really don't think about that when the situation arises...

Other than that my weekend was pretty calm. I stayed in the house with my little family...

What would you do if someone put their hands on your child, or a child that was in your care?

Unique

2006-09-22T06:49:00.000-05:00

I talked about this yesterday with my teen group...

If you notice, everything in modern society is separated. We have the obvious separation on class and race and ethnicity...but if you look deeper, you'll find that everything is seperated.

We have the ominivores separated from the Vegans...The plump seperated from the slim. The pretty from the ugly. The smart from the dense.

How are we catogorized? Who's to say what your potential is? These things can't determine self worth...

What do you think separates you from others? What makes you unique?

You Did What?

2006-09-21T06:58:00.000-05:00

I sat there in the lobby of the hotel, part of me wanting to run, but my curiosity wouldn't let me move. After the things that he had told me, I had to find out for myself.

I only sat there for a moment, but it felt like an eternity. He walked up to where I was sitting, greeted me with a smile, and brushed my cheek with a kiss. I smiled. I had to take a deep breath because what happened next determined my future. If my man ever found out it would be over. As much as I love him, as much as I care for him...what am I doing here? My mind was all over the place but my body was taking slow, uneven steps right behind him. When we got on the elevator, my mind told me to get off...go home. But yet I stayed there...putting my future on the line.

When we got into his room, I took a seat in a chair, close to the bed. I had to get my mind together if I was going to go through with it...I had the one thing that everyone was looking for in my life...true love...Yet I was sitting there willing to give it all up for one night of passion...This is not like me. How could you do this to him? He loves you so much...

He turned on some music. He had purchased a small CD player for his stay. He loves music. He played it all day as we worked. He said, a day without music is like a day without sunshine...The sultry sounds of Nina Simone filled the room. Ne Me Quitte Pas (Don't Leave Me)...

Why did he have to play that song? It's one of my favorite songs. My man plays it for me all the time...It does something to me...He knew exactly what he was doing, yet I didn't stop him.

We danced...His scent was wonderful...unfamiliar...enticing. But I knew it was not my man's scent. Yet I stayed there wanting to allow his essence to permeate my body... and I wanted to run at the same time. But my feet would not move.

As the song reached it's end, I knew that playtime was over. The way his body responded to mine told me exactly what I needed to know...he wanted me. He undressed me, and I did the same to him. We didn't speak. There was nothing left to be said. We both knew what was at stake. We work for the same company...He's getting married in a couple of months as well...We still couldn't just walk away. This may be our last time seeing each other...and we were saying goodbye...

I stared at his body for a moment. Chocolate perfection.

He laid me on the bed and stood back admiring the woman the was stretched out before him. He kissed my face...my neck...my shoulders...and he kept going down form there...kissing every single inch of my body. I didn't try to stop him...I returned the favor, giving him pleasure in every way. After it was over, we laid there holding each other in silence. Knowing that what we had just done would change things forever. We both had to go home to the ones we loved with a guilty conscience. We were both trapped in our own thoughts. We drifted off to sleep.

The sound of the phone scared us both in the middle of the night. I shook him so he would answer the phone. He didn't move. I said, "Loverboy, answer the phone." He said, "Okay Pretty Lady." I jumped up and turned on the lamp next to the bed. What the? When did I? How did I?

My man handed me the phone. It was Angel, and she couldn't get the baby to go to sleep. She was crying, the baby was crying, and she wanted me to come over and help her. I told her I was on my way.

My man sat there staring at me for a moment and said, "Are you okay? You have been tossing and turning all night." I said, " I had a bad dream." He said, "Do you want to talk about it?" Of course I said no. Normally when I eat spicy foods late at night, I have the worst dreams. We had Thai food yesterday and I guess it got the best of me.

But the dream seemed so real. I am glad that I woke up. I am so glad that I didn't cross the line in reality. I am glad that I didn't sleep with him.

He propositioned me, and I never gave him an answer. I just walked away from him and said, "Have a nice trip home." I guess in my mind, I was thinking What if, and it was apparent in my dream. I did go to the hotel lobby, but that was it. I went right back home. I had to drop off his new laptop before he left, and somehow my dream started there, and took a different turn. But the whole thing in a nutshell...I wouldn't do it...I could never go through with it. Because I have a man that truly loves me, and I can give him nothing less in return...

He's leaving today and I decided against taking him to the airport. I may never see him face to face again, but I have to talk to him often. I will remember him, but I am glad that he is leaving...

Have you ever had a dream that seemed real but made no sense whatsoever?

A Little Lady Doing Big Business

2006-09-20T07:43:00.000-05:00

I had to go into the office late yesterday afternoon, and I must say, there are some weird people working there...

As we walk past the cubicles, they sit upright in their chairs, everyone on task, everyone smiling. They say hello, and continue to act like they are working, not knowing my reason for coming in. He is following me closely, taking in the environment. A few of my coworkers that I talk to on a regular basis stop in to say hello. As expected, they must have gone out and spread the word about the fine man sitting across from me. We were quite the pair yesterday. Him in his navy business suit, and me in a caramel colored suit. The women were drooling, and we are interrupted so much that I had to post my "Meeting in Session, Do Not Disturb" sign outside my door. It was the day for us to present new development to the Big Boys, and I was a nervous wreck.

I knew the info like the back of my hand. I could tell people about it in my sleep, but my heart was still racing. We worked on the portfolios for hours, and everything was ready to go. I just sat there hoping things would go well. He was just as nervous as I was. The two of us...both young, both nervous...walking into a room full of them...They have the money. They have the power. They can shoot down our idea in a fraction of a second and we would have to start of back at square one...and that's only if they will fund our work for the next couple of weeks. They could just take us off of it all together and all our hard work would go down the drain...

The time had come and we knew that it was now or never. We walked out of my office and into the boardroom. They entered with us...with stone faced expressions and cold stares. I thought it was over before it started...but I refused to be intimidated.

When all were seated, and everyone had been introduced, we took our place at the front of the room, and began. There was total silence in the room as we spoke. I am a passionate person. I take pride in everything that I do, and it shows when I speak, and you can tell that my colleague loves what he does.

We finished the presentation and all eyes were on the Big Boss. He began to clap and the applause trickled down from there. My foreign colleague and I looked at each other in relief and took a deep breath. The Big Boss stood and shook our hands smiling from ear to ear. He said,
" job well done. " He said something to the other men around him and they all nodded in appreciation as they walked out. Just like that, we had just made the company millions...and millions for the company means, a bonus for me! We did it big for the team! We made it over one hill...we have so many more mountains to go!

After work, he and I stopped by Ambitious' spot and had dinner and he had a drink to celebrate. I called my man to tell him how things turned out and I could sense a little sumthin'' in his voice when I told him where I was and who I was with, but I was too amped at the moment to get into it. I just told him I would be home later.

My colleague will be leaving at the end of the week, and my man will be back in his comfort zone. I kinda liked him coming in and shaking things up a bit. It showed my man that he can't be slippin' and let someone creep in on what he has. He appreciates me even more these days...

For the first time, we had a very personal conversation. Up until this point, it was mostly business. He told me about his life at home, and how things here are so different from his home. We both had our stories...our history. When you take a look at it, there is not much difference. Different times, different places, different days, but still the same mentality. People in search of power and domination over another group of people.

I enjoyed his company, then I went home to my somewhat jealous man to finish of the evening with a little sumthin'...It was what I needed...It was what I wanted...and it put me right to sleep.

I am so relaxed today and I plan to get absolutely nothing done today...I am bummin' for the rest of the day. I love the fact that I am only a few steps away from work...

When was the last time that you did absolutely nothing?

Twisted Love

2006-09-19T06:47:00.000-05:00

One of my close friends is in a situation. She is in love with a man who has someone else...

It's funny how it all began...

My friend and I were sitting at a sports bar watching a football game last season. While I understand nothing about the game, she loves it, so I agreed to go and stare blindly at the TV while everyone around me screamed and cheered.

We had really a great table. The placed was packed. A while later, in walks this guy and his friend. Seating during the games is first come first serve, and the place was packed. We had a booth. After a few trips around the spot, one of the guys stops to ask my friend if we mind if they have a seat with us. They take a seat, and it goes on from there...

They turned out to be some really nice guys. They had been friends for years just like my girl and I. After the game, we all leave the noisy spot. At this point I am ready to go home to my man, but my friend gives me that girl you better now leave me now look, so I decided to join them for drinks.

After a few moments of talking, the connection between my friend and one of the guys was obvious. They opted to find a quiet corner table while I was stuck at the table with this other guy, trying to think of something to say. It turned out that this guy and I had a lot in common. We were both involved with someone and were happy with our situation. We exchanged numbers that night, and since then, we have been friends. He still calls me when he needs to vent. He treats me with respect, and so far has not crossed the line. If he ever did, I would cut him off in a heartbeat. He did tell me that he was attracted to me when we first met, but he said that he was in a successful relationship and didn't want to jeopardize what he had for what could be. I told him that I was not interested in finding anyone new either. So from there, a great friendship was formed.

My friend on the other hand...

The following weekend they invited us to a party that they were throwing for one of their boys that was moving to Arizona. We didn't know anyone there except them, but we fit in with the crowd pretty well. We ended up having a good time. By the end of the night, I was back home and the guy that my friend was seeing was in her bed.

She called to tell me how wonderful he was. He was honest with her from the start. He told her that he had someone, and they lived together, but he was unhappy. He has custody of his daughter and the woman that he was seeing has a son. He said that he and this woman had grown apart. He needed more, and the woman he was with could not give it to him. He said that he had already told the woman that he was unhappy, and she agreed that they needed to part ways. The biggest problem was that he had bought a house and it would be eight months before they were eligible to refinance the place. Plus, she could not afford to take care of her kid alone. So his solution to the problem was, that when he was able to refinance the place, he would give her half of the 40 thousand that he will get and they will part ways. He wants my friend to wait for him...

He spends all of his free time with my friend, but he goes home every night. He says he does that out of respect, since the woman still lives in his house and takes care of his child. But he wants to marry my friend. He says that she is the one he loves. I wouldn't be able to take it...Not knowing what goes on after he gets home would bug the heck out of me...but she deals with it, and she seems happy with her situation. She says the more he stays away, the more his woman calls him. She says that it makes him want to be with her even more. He dreads going home.

My friend believes that he is going to live up to his word. She says that he tells her everything that is going on with him. He calls her often , and keeps her in the loop. I still wouldn't be able to handle it...

What would you do in this situation? Would you hold on to this twisted love, and wait for him, or would you let him go?

A Weekend To Remember

2006-09-18T06:59:00.000-05:00

When I say that they out did themselves with the party, that is an understatement...

My man and my friends threw me a "Red Carpet Affair"... I had my one night as a superstar. I have a gift with people, but I am not of fan of being in the spotlight.

It was one of the nicest events I had ever been to in my life, and I have been to a lot of parties in my day. Diva and Softspoken did the decorations...complete with the red carpet. Ambitious and my man took care of the everything else. They did all this and I didn't have to lift a finger...I was so impressed!

After I hung with my brother for the evening, he took me home, and my man was there waiting impatiently...LOL. He looked annoyed when I walked in the door. He was fully dressed and trying so hard not to wrinkle his clothes. That man can hang a suit. Whew! I had taken my time on purpose and he knew it. I must admit, I can be devious at times, but it was all in fun.

I sat my bags down and kissed him softly on the cheek. The frown soon became a smile, and he said, "Okay...you've sweet talked me enough, now get dressed baby, we have to go." I said, "Where are we going? I have to know so I'll know what to wear. He said, "Put on the dress that I bought for you yesterday. That should be perfect." Actually, it was. Have you ever put on a dress that just makes you feel pretty? He knew that I knew something was up, but he didn't try to hide anymore. He just said, "Pretty lady, you are in for the night of your life." Every time he calls me that, I melt...He calls me Pretty Lady...I call him Loverboy...

As I walked in, I had to catch myself. For a moment, I was breathless. It was absolutely beautiful. At that moment, all of my problems, worries, and cares disappeared. I walked through the door, then I heard my man's brother come of the loud speaker, "Introducing, the Lady of the night, Miss Luvinme! They all clapped and cheered. It was too much...

As the photographer snapped away, Diva an Softspoken walked up to me pushing microphones in my face... I just smiled. They were the paparazzi. LOL... Diva, I could believe, but I knew Softpoken was only doing it for me. He is so shy and he hates crowds. But he was being a real trooper. They kept asking a questions they knew the answer too..."So how does it feel to be 27?" "Do you see any new projects coming in the near future?" "Are you excited about the upcoming nuptials?" and of course Diva( with his messy a** had to ask) " So how did you get yourself out of that office love scandal with the foreign beau?" I gave them a smirk and kept it moving.

When you walked in the door you had to register. Two of my man's brothers were seated at a table near the front entrance, one with a laptop, the other with a list and a microphone. After each person or couple registered, they were announced. As they were coming through the door onto the red carpet the photographer would snap pics of them and everyone would turn to see. It was quite an event.

Midway through the night, my man took the microphone and walked to the middle of the floor. He took my hand and I followed. He said ( I can't remember word for word, but I remember most of it). " Many of you have known this woman for far longer that I have, but few have loved her the way that I do. She makes me happier every day, and she makes me a better me. She has a smile that lights up the room. Her eyes pierce me to my very soul. If you find someone to love you just a fraction of how much I love this woman, then you have a have a beautiful thing. I love her now, and forever."

I have heard him say that he loved me before, but I it was something about him professing his love in that way love in front of all these people...I got caught up in the moment. I cried. Then the lights went down, the spotlight was on us( Out of all these times I had been in this club, I never knew Ambitious had a spotlight until now) and our song...the song he had written and sang for me, came on...and we danced.

I'm glad I don't wear much makeup because it would have been messed up at this point. He smiled and sang along with the words as he held me close...I smiled and cried at the same time. I laid my head on his chest, and got lost in the moment. After we danced, they cranked the music back up, and the party back in full effect.

Everyone seemed to be having a good time. The one thing that I can say about my boy's club is...the food is so good. The people that he hired to cook at this place know how to throw down. It opens up at 5 pm daily, and they have something there every night except Sunday. Sometimes I just stop by there in the evenings just to eat. Pretty or not, I was starving and this was my night! I did have a little class. I didn't pile the food up like I wanted to, I took a little of this, and a little of that...then told Ambitious to make sure they packed some food for me to take home.

It was a huge success and I was very happy by the end of the night. My feet were tired and I couldn't wait to get out of that dress and into my bed.

I was home, happy, and in the bed. Just as I was about to thank my man for the party, the phone began to ring. My family has a bad habit of calling me all times of the night starting at midnight on my birthday, so I ignored it. But it didn't stop! It just kept on ringing. Over and over. It was late and I was tired...He finally reached to answer the phone, and it was the mother my very pregnant girl, Angel. She said, they were on their way to the hospital and Angel wanted me to come. We jumped up got dressed,and drove as fast as we could to get there. On the way to the hospital I got in touch with everyone in my circle, and they were all in route. Although I knew that first babies normally take a long time to come, I wanted to be there with her.

After about 8 hours of labor and a couple of energy drinks, I witnessed my god-daughter come into the world, on MY BIRTHDAY...

I was so concerned about the baby's health. For those of you that have been reading my blog for a while, Angel is the one who got pregnant by her cheating husband who she found out had 2 kids on the side...It was a mess...

The baby is okay, and so is my girl. We all made a fuss over the baby and left...We were extra tired from all the excitement of the night. I couldn't wait to hit the bed...I would have to give my man all his thank yous later...

It rained all day Sunday, and my cookout, became a cook-in. I almost slept through it. I had a good time with my family...All the laughing...talking...drama.

So I guess I can say that my weekend went well. I turned a year older, I have a new god-daughter, I got a lot of gifts that I have yet to open, and I am tired...

My foreign co worker got me a nice set of pens for my birthday. He brought them over with him this morning. I told him that a gift wasn't necessary, but he insisted. He said it was not only for my birthday, but also for my generosity. My man gave him a slight look of disgust as I thanked him this. He will only be here for a few more days. For the most part, we are finished with our project and it's time for him to return home. I must admit, it has been quite an experience.

What was your most memorable birthday experience (good or bad)?

Go Luvin'.... It's Your Birthday!

2006-09-15T06:37:00.000-05:00

My birthday is Sunday!

They think I don't know. All the sneaking around...all the phone calls...secret meetings. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool me...I've figured it out...They are throwing me a surprise party! Ambitious and my man think they are slick. I don't want to ruin it for them. They have been working so hard. So I'll make sure to add a little something extra when I express my faux shock to them on Saturday night.

On Sunday I will turning twenty seven! Although I can't say that I feel any older, I know that I have grown so much within the past year.

My best friend is taking me shopping this afternoon to choose my own gift since he says that I like the simplest things, but I am the hardest person to buy for.

Then I am off to the full service salon, compliments of my man of course. He has so much planned for me this weekend...I can't wait!

Tomorrow afternoon, I will be doing brunch with my mom, dad, and brother. After that, my brother and I will be hanging out for a while. I think they have him taking me shopping again, to keep me away. It's cool though. I love hanging out with my brother. He is one of the nicest, funniest, craziest guys I know. When I hang with him, I know I am in for a good time no matter what we get into.

My parents are throwing me a big bash at their house on Sunday afternoon. I can't wait!

I took a day off to start my birthday weekend off right...

I am up putting a few finishing touches on our project for work. I wouldn't want my foreign collegue to get stuck finishing things up by himself...I know I'm a work-a-holic, but I have to get it finished!

My man is off work today as well so we'll be enjoying each other for the rest of the day. He is joining me at the spa. He enjoys getting pampered too. At first he was kind of skeptical, but after his first visit with me, he was hooked. He said his brothers laughed at him when he told them where I was dragging him off to, until he told him that he was in a salon full of women, touching him at their leisure. Now they want to give it a try...LOL

Today I just feel extra special. I can't put my finger on it. I don't know if it's the feeling of making love to the one you love at the crack of dawn. It could be the anticipation of what he has in store for me...Or just knowing that this is MY weekend and I have so much going on...But I feel great!

Have a great weekend!

Don't you just love those days when everything feels right!

Things Going Through My Head

2006-09-14T06:38:00.000-05:00

What is going on with the people around me? They have left so many questions in my head....

What's with her wearing an outfit then asking me how she looks. Boo, you knew you looked a hot mess before you left the house...Don't expect me to tell you anything different because you're my friend. Go take that s*** off!

When did white eyeliner become cool. I thought it was supposed to add a dramatic affect when applied under the eyes...Go take that s*** off!

Where did the idea of wearing pants under skirts come from. It is not a good look. Go take that s*** off!

Why did he have on a shirt that looked like it belonged to his baby brother, six years ago, and then have the nerve to ask me for my number while I was pumping my gas? Get away from me...then...Go take that s*** off!

Why did he have on gold shoes. Boo that it not cute! Take that s*** off!

Silver lipstick is not for everyone. Go take that s*** off!

If your stomach hangs below your low rise jeans, they are not for you. Go take that s*** off.

My people...My people...Why did this young chic try to sell me $100 worth of food stamps for $90 outside of the store where I mentor my teen girls? I normally don't say much to people I don't know, but what the heck.... Since she felt the need question me, it was my turn to question her... The first question I asked her was, "do you have kids?" She looked confused and said,
"yes, I have 4." Then I asked, "where are they now?" She said, "at home with my momma." I said, "are they hungry?" She said, "I don't know, why?" I just stood there and looked at her for a moment, shook my head,and turned and walked into the store. She just stood there with a confused look on her face. Some women will never get it...

Why did she stuff her feet, that looked like they should be in size 10 double wide, into those size 6 shoes that I wanted...the last pair in the store, then ask me how they looked? They look like they should have been going home with me instead of you...Take that s*** off!

Why do exes feel the need to call you out of the blue as if your feelings for them have changed? They are exes for a reason...Hang up the phone!

How are you going to have on leather shoes made in China, sitting in a building owned by Jews, with an Italian leather bag at your side, eating Mexican food, with an African father, and a German mother ,and have the nerve to sit across from me and be a racist? WTH?

How you gonna come to me "grilled out" and ask me to give your car a boost? If you put as much money into your car as you did your mouth, we wouldn't be having this conversation...

Why would you spend all your money on clothes, then start crying when you had an eviction notice on your door? What did you expect, a miracle? Cut it out...

Why would you start dating someone that you have nothing in common with, sleep with him on the first date, and then complain to me that he doesn't communicate with you? Did I miss something?

Why is my man working himself so hard to look good for me? Why is getting finer by the day?
Why would I still love him the same if he was fat, bald, and walked with a limp?

Why is my child testing my patience this early in the morning?

Why do I still have the ability to get my daughter's dad to do anything I ask? I mean I don't ask for very much, but why is he willing to do anything I ask him to do?

Although I have so many more questions, that's enough for now...

So Much To Do...So Little Time

2006-09-13T08:43:00.000-05:00

We've been up half the night working...We have a lot to finish by this afternoon so I'll check back in with you bloggers later...The faster we get done, the sooner he goes back home....

How Far Does Trust Go?

2006-09-12T06:37:00.000-05:00

He walked into the house and didn't say a word. No kiss, no hug, no "how was your day" just total silence. He sat on the couch holding his head, trying to figure out how to approach the situation.

We had a really big argument yesterday afternoon. I guess it had been building up for some time. Yesterday, the s*** hit the fan. Normally I listen to him, but if my heart is set on something and I feel it will benefit us in the long run, I'm going to do it.

I have been saving for the last few months for the wedding. I didn't tell him about the money that I had saved for the simple fact that I didn't feel the need to. I wasn't keeping it from him purposely. In my eyes I was just saving...

I told him yesterday afternoon that I finally had enough money to pay for everyone's flight and hotel room. He looked at me as if I had spit in his face. He was like, "When were you going to tell me that you were saving for the wedding behind me back? I told you that I would take care of it" I was like WTF? Behind your back? I was just saving. I have done it all my life, and now is not an exception. He says that he feels I am too independent. He says it's like I cut him off before he can ever get started.

I am a visionary, or at least I try to be. The buyer that was supposed to purchase his house pulled out before he could close the deal so now he has 3 months to find a new buyer, plus he has several other things on his plate. He said that he could handle it, so I didn't get involved. But what is wrong with me making sure that my wedding day is all that I want it to be? What if he doesn't find a buyer before our trip? What if he has to keep paying for a house that he doesn't live in? I didn't say these things to him, but it is the grim reality of home ownership.

He said that I didn't allow him to be the man. I feel like marriage is a partnership. When one person is having a problem, the other one should step up to the plate to help. Yesterday, I saw that our ideas are different. He feels that I should just let him handle it. He asked me if I would keep my money, and let him take care of things like he said he would. After a couple of hours of going back and forth I decided to just let it be. If he wants to stress himself with financial matters, I'm going to let him do. I will continue saving though because he just might let his mouth write a check that his behind can't cash...

I thought it was over. He came home yesterday evening with the same thing. To me, it's not that serious. I saved some money and offered to help him. What's the big deal? He said to me, "Honey, I am not one of your charity cases. I am the man that is soon to be your husband, and I don't need you to fix this for me." I sat there for a moment, taking in what he said. Is that how he thought of me. Does he feel that I try to fix people? I don't know why those words hurt so much, but I refused to let him see me shed a tear...I cried in the shower... We spent the rest of the evening not saying a word, although every time we passed each other, we looked at each other with that familiar look...but anger was outweighing love at that moment.

For the first time, we went to bed angry. It took me a while to drift off to sleep. I laid there next to him, listening to him breathe. Angry that he thought I tried to fix him... Then I heard nothing at all. Sleep had prevailed. He woke me up in the middle of the night. He was sitting on the bed next to me.

He said, "I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. It's just that you have been doing things for yourself for so long, you have to learn how to let go and let me love you and take care of you. I promise I won't fail you. You have to trust me."

I said, "Do you really think I try to fix the world?" He said, "No. You have a good heart, and you mean well, but sometimes you get in over your head trying to help others. This time, I want to help you." He was telling the truth, so I got over myself and let it go...

I have a fear of being let down by men. I am working on it though. I realize that this man is different, and I have to give him a chance to be the man he is trying to be for me. But that WILL NOT stop me from saving my own money...Next time, I'll just keep my BIG mouth shut!

Why is it so hard for us to let go, even if we know in our hearts that everything will be alright?

Why is it so hard for us as humans to fully trust another person?

I know we use the word trust loosely at times, but can you really say that you trust someone(other than your family)... with your life...your heart...your child...your friendship?

He Doesn't Know...

2006-09-11T07:18:00.000-05:00

My family and I had a great time this weekend, but playtime is over, and I have work to do!

Being that I hang with a mixed crowd, we are faced with some challenging, and sometimes trying situations. I only blog about a few of them, but believe me, things get a little out of sorts at times...

The most recent instance came out last week at the pool party that was thrown at my house. I was so into myself and him last week that I had little time to focus on anyone else's issues...But here goes...

I have a female friend that was dating this guy. He's a real social- lite, and he is all over the place. If something is going on around town, he's in the mix. She brought him around me a couple of times. He seems cool, he's just a little over the top for my taste.... but to each his own.
After seeing him for the first time Diva said that he was gay...but then again, Diva says everyone is gay. He only mentioned it to Softspoken and I, and we really never though much about it because we know how Diva is. At that time, the guy had never seen Softspoken or Ambitious.

Long story short, my friend brought him over to the pool party. He was staring both of my boys down with a vengeance, and he was looking at my foreign coworker as well. Diva noticed this and said something to my girl about it. She says that it's normal for people to look at other people. Diva is convinced that this guy is gay, or at least curious. My girl is dead set against it.

Do you think that we naturally look at half naked people of the same sex without having sexual thoughts? Could it just be admiration?

We all met up last night after I got back in town despite the fact that I was dead tired. A friend of ours had a house warming party. After the party, we hung out for a little while at this trendy spot that we frequent. She brought him along again. This time I noticed the way he was looking at Ambitious. There was a spark of desire in his eyes...I mean, he had the look. The same look that I give my man,..Ambitious smiled at him politely, as he does everyone. My girl noticed the way he was lusting over my friend too. After about fifteen minutes or so, she breaks out with, "Are you gay?"

There was dead silence. We all wanted to know. He looked at her and said, "Why would you ask me something like that? I came here with a woman, and I am leaving with a woman. I can't believe the things you say sometimes." He was upset, and she let it go. But in the true spirit of messy a** Diva, he had to say something...He said what we all were thinking, "Excuse me but, You didn't answer the question." He got angry at the question and told my friend he was ready to go. She got up said her goodbyes, and they left.

I agree, she should not have put him on blast like that. It was so tacky...but why didn't he answer the question? After thinking about it for a moment I came to the conclusion that maybe he really didn't know the answer himself. Why does there have to be a definite yes or no? Maybe he loves women and is attracted to men as well...Whew...

I can never say that I understand what it feels like to have an attraction or feelings for someone of the same sex because at this point, I haven't had those types of feelings. I mean, I have seen pretty ladies who have nice bodies, but I have never wanted a pretty lady with a nice body... I hang around gay and straight men, and do see the tendencies that they both have. From my experiences with gay men, I have concluded that this guy does have gay tendencies, but does that mean that he is gay? My only concern is that my friend may get hurt in the process, but if she chooses to keep dating this guy after she has questioned his sexuality, then I have to let her make her own decision.

So what do you think?

I've Come A Long Way

2006-09-08T06:58:00.000-05:00

Remembering how my life used to be. The struggles, the scraping, the no good men, the dead end job...I realize that I have come a long way. There were times that I thought I would break. Times that I was near death...Times that I thought I wouldn't make it. But I made it.

Right now I am at a point where things have been good for me, consistently. I have been able to pay my bills and then have something left over for me to actually live and enjoy my family....

As I climb the biological ladder to yet another year (I'll be 27 on next Sunday), I realize that my faith has brought me thus far, and by faith I shall continue to prosper.

Some type of job will always be there, but I realize that I must cherish my family.
I have decided to take this weekend off...He and I will get back to work first thing Monday morning...The weather has been nice, so my little family(my man, my daughter, and I) is going on a weekend rendevous. We are staying at a "Kid Friendly" hotel, so I know my daughter is going to love it. It makes it a lot easier on me too.

When was the last time that you put everything aside and gave your time to the people who are closest to you?

As you know, most of my posts are based on my experiences, or the experiences of the people around me, being that I really don't like to give an opinion on something that I know nothing about. So today won't be any different...

One of the girls in my teen group is in a situation where she has both parents in the home, but the house is divided. She and her father are on one side of the tracks( in his eyes she can do no wrong)...and her mother and older sister are on the other side. It is destroying any chance that she will have to be successful. Her father gives her things, regardless to whether she does wrong, (disrepects adults, skips school, runs away to be with her boyfriend)...It doesn't matter. Her mother talks to her in a way that no mother should ever speak to their child. She calls her every name in the book, and degrades her on a daily basis. The father is trying to buy his child's love. He thinks it will change the way she acts.

Now they have sent her to me because neither parent can control her. I can counsel her all day long, but when she goes back to such a unheathly environment, it seems that my work is in vain. She comes to me week in and week out, but nothing has changed. How do I get these parents to see that THEY are this child's biggest problem? Do you have any suggestions because at this point I am all out of answers...I have talked to them. They stop for a few weeks, then it right back to the same old thing. I suggested that they all go see a family counselor. They looked at me like I was nuts. They said, "We're not the ones in danger, she is." I don't want to give up on them, but what is a sistah to do?

Where did the breakdown of the family begin...Absentee parents? Abuse? Or is it that the parents just don't care? Or do they not know how to be a parent to these kids?

I'm Over It...

2006-09-07T06:58:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I worked for half the day, then stroked my man's ego for the remainder of the day. Being that we were ahead of schedule, it really won't have a big affect on our work.

We got off to an early start this morning. He's sitting here, still looking lovely, still smelling wonderful, but I've gotten over it....

I think I may take him into the office for a couple of hours and let the ladies drool over him for a while. There are a couple of places that he wants to see while he's here too. So for the most part, we will be out and about for a small part of the afternoon. The weather is nice, and our project is coming together nicely...

Just wanted to stop in a say hi, and hit up a few blogs...I'll be back later this afternoon...

Are you the type of person who stops trouble before it starts...or do you get caught in the middle?

Take a Deep Breath...

2006-09-06T06:37:00.000-05:00

I made it through the day without getting myself into trouble. I just have to keep it up for a few more weeks and I'll be okay...

He's taunting me with his scent...His smile...His voice. The way he says my name...and he knows it...We finished fairly early last night and started early this morning. That's how I am when I am in the middle of something good. I have to keep going...That's the life of a perfectionist...

I have to stay grounded...have to keep my composure...

I thought of him, while lying in the arms of the man I love. I felt so guilty...But as soon as my man spoke to me, the thoughts faded as quickly as they came. This man is having a crazy affect on me. I ALWAYS keep it together around men. Why is he an exception to the rule?

Ah Ha! He is my forbidden fruit...

Even though we work in different parts of the world, we interact everyday...I could NEVER cross that line. This is a true test of strength and loyalty. I talked to Softspoken about it last night. My friends have been talking about him non-stop since Saturday. They keep telling me what I need to do. If you have never been in a compromising situation like this one, it easy to say what needs to be done. I know what is in my heart, therefore I can keep my head in the right place. But many people would have jumped his bones by now. I'm not that woman...

Every time I notice something about him, I realize something even better about the man that I have...This man is just a fantasy. What I have is real...

My man had a dentist's appointment yesterday, and he decided not to go into work. I was sitting at my table, across from two gorgeous men who both thought I was working diligently. Three laptops...Three people...All with different thoughts running through their minds. One was sitting slightly to the right. He looked up from time to time, and asked me if I had come up with anything new. I shook my head in response, and kept typing. The one to my left was smiling at me from his heart. He stroked the bottom of my foot that I have propped up in the chair beside him, playfully, as he typed away on his laptop. Then he gave me look that lets me know he loves me...he wants me. Then it starts...

Hey sexy lady...(This is from my man of course) I respond...He smiles.

Then He starts talking..."What are you working on, that has you smiling that way?" I just reply..."I just love my work, what can I say?"

My man types...You look so nice this morning. Do you think you could sneak away for a lunchtime treat with someone who is sweet on you?

I type back...that could be arranged...

Then he says, I just came up with something new. Would you like to take a look at it?

I got up and walked to where he was sitting. His idea was great. My man looked at me with a knowing expression on his face. Once I get something in my head, that's it. I ride it out until the end. He knew that our plans for lunch had just been cancelled.

I went back to my seat, and my man starts up again. He says, So much for that thought huh? I reply...You know how I am. I have to get finished with my work, and then we'll play.

He types, Well maybe we can do an early dinner...I respond...We'll have to see how things go today.

Then he says, I have something else to show you. I came up with it late last night. I couldn't sleep so I kept working after I got back to the hotel.. His new development what we had been working on all day long on yesterday. He had finished it. Now we are ready to move on to phase two. I am happy, but sad that I'll be missing my lunchtime treat.

I said, "It looks like we have a lot of work to do." My man shot me a disappointed look. I looked down at my laptop.

He closed his laptop and said, "I guess I'll leave you two work-a holics to what you do best. I think I'm going to go into the office and get some things done."

I could tell he was pissed...First of all, my man saw how I was looking at him on Saturday. Now I am canceling out on him for another man. He can't take it...I excused myself and followed him to the back of the house. I could have sworn he had a smirk on his face when I got up...

My man was preparing to go to work, and I stopped him. I took him by the hands, looked him directly in the eyes, and asked what was wrong. He said. "I don't know if I'm going to be able to deal with all this working. Your work is now cutting into OUR time. You have to find a balance." I promised him that I would try to finish up early a few days this week, so that we could have some time. He accepted my response. He kissed me long and hard as he was leaving the house. I could feel him watching.

I went back to the table, and we worked for a while. I finished up at a decent hour, and still had time left for my family.

As the days go by, I think this will get a little easier...

Don't you hate it when it hard for you to control your situations?

What do you do balance time between work and play?

Oh My Goodness!

2006-09-05T06:30:00.000-05:00

Over the next few weeks, I will be working with my European counterpart to develop a new product for my job. I had to pick him up from the airport on Friday evening. He didn't get his rental car until Saturday morning. I didn't know what to expect. I just hoped that he was pleasant, being that I would have to be in his presence for the next few weeks. I never took the time to go through the company directory to see how he looked, so I just stood there. I talked to him on Monday and he said that he had already looked me up, and he would see me on Friday. I love his accent. With the ever-changing technology, we have to attend so many classes, whether it's via the web, or sitting in a lecture hall for the evening. He had attended a class that I had to give a presentation in last year, and he remembered my face...Hmmm...

I stood and waited as the people de-boarded the plane. I felt like I was in Fort Knox with all the security measures I had to go through, and I wasn't even trying to fly anywhere. Then...

He walked up to me. I just stood there and stared at him for a second. He had on a short sleeved white shirt, and linen shorts that contrasted perfectly with is dark chocolate skin. His head was bald, and he had the straightest, whitest teeth, I had ever seen. He stood there smiling at me without saying a word. Finally I snapped out of my trance and managed to say. "Hello, and welcome to America. How was your flight " He smiled and said, "Long, and I am honored to be here. With all of the problems going on in Europe right now, I might be staying longer than expected." What? There is no way I would be able to be around this man and effectively get any work done for more than a few hours a day as it is...

I took him to his hotel. I told him that I would let him relax for the rest of the evening, and I would see him early on Saturday morning. For the next few weeks, there will be no "off days" for me...

We got started bright and early. We work very well together. He spoke with perfect diction. Even his breath was sweet. I was about to lose it. Sitting that close, that long, with such a beautiful creature. I was sitting there, engulfed in my work, and I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't look up. I jumped when my phone rang and broke the silence. It was my man. I quickly answered. I always smile when I talk to him...I could still feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of my face but I still didn't make eye contact. My man asked how things were going. I told him that things were going well, and we would be finished for the day, earlier than expected. He told me to invite my college to the pool party. I paused for a moment. Then I said, "We'll see." My man hesitated before he spoke, then he just said, "Okay, I'll talk to you a little later."

I sat there for a moment, thinking about what my man had said. I was trying to keep this thing as professional as possible.

We worked throughout the afternoon, only stopping to take a break for lunch, and we decided to call it quits later that evening. As I was packing up to leave, I asked him if he had anything planned for the evening. He said no, so I invited him over to the pool party that my man's brother was throwing at my house. I told him to call me when he was ready, and I would give him directions to my house.

Needless to say that getting to my place is a bit confusing, and he got lost. I left to find him and my man stayed to watch the house. With all these people around that we didn't know, one of us had to be there.

I finally figured out where he was and told him to pull into a gas station and wait for me. I pulled up next to him and told him to follow me. He was a good driver being that he was from a country with a whole different set of driving rules. ( I later found out that he had been to the US quite often, so he had learned a lot over the years).

When I got back to my house, I walked him inside. My friends and my man were all sitting in the family room, waiting on us to get back. All the ladies and the funny boys had the same reaction I did at the airport. They just gawked at him. I introduced him to the crew, and then to my man. Then I showed him to the bathroom so that he could get changed and ready for some fun.

The rest of us went out back to join the festivities. The party was nice. The crowd was fairly young, but they were cool. Then...he walked outside in these fitted trunks. OMG! His presence commanded attention. His stride was confident and powerful. I was so glad that my man was sitting slightly in front of my so that he could not see the way that I was looking at that man. I took in every muscle, every ripple. He came and sat down with the rest of us and I had to take a deep breath. All eyes were on him as he walked to join the rest of us. By then, I am sure there was not a pair of dry panties in the room...

That man is beautiful. He's smart. He smells wonderful...My heart races when he smiles at me...and when he speaks to me, I have to try to keep my composure. But it's not the same feeling that I get when I see my man. He just makes me nervous for some reason. I don't think it's an attraction, but I don't know what it is...

The music was playing, and everyone was having a good time. He fit in just fine. My man got up and started to dance...Then he turned and looked at me, smiling. He grabbed my hand, and I hesitantly got up to join him. We clowned for a while, entertaining the guest with our sultry dancing, and then we went back to sit down. As I was walking back to my seat, I could see him looking at me and smiling. He complimented us on our moves, then he walked over to the pool and dove in. Everyone watched his every move (including me)...

My man began to notice the way I was watching him. Every time I was looking at him, my man was looking at me...But I couldn't help it. I was drawn in like a magnet...

After the party, I offered to lead him back to his hotel. My man left Diva and Softspoken to watch the house. This time, he came with me. He was jealous, but he was trying so hard not to show it, but we all picked up on it...It was kinda cute. He was on my heels for the rest of the evening. He went everywhere that I went...We left the hotel and headed back to my house.

My man didn't say anything during our ride back home. Neither did I.

After we finished cleaning up, we were off to bed. My man out did himself. What was he trying to prove? As I laid in his arms I said, " I might have been looking at him, but I am in love with you and only you. You are the only man that will forever have my heart and all that comes with it." He kissed me and held me tighter, and we drifted off to sleep. That was exactly what he needed...a little reassurance.

I worked with him again on Sunday. He looked just as good as he did on the first day. Perfectly chiseled body, highly intelligent, lovely accent, beautiful smile, and he smelled wonderful once again...but we kept it professional. The tension in the room was so thick you could have cut it with a knife...Still he stared, not saying a word...This time, I made eye contact, smiling at him...him smiling back. We ordered in for lunch and took a little more time to get to know each other. He is fairly interesting. After we finished up for the evening, he invited me to dinner and I had to turn him down. I couldn't put myself in a compromising situation. I went home to my man...

Since he really doesn't know anyone in town, I invited him to my family's cookout on Monday, that actually turned into a inside thing being that it rained all day. That is another post altogether!

I just know that the next few weeks will be an adventure of sorts, but I am in total control(for now)...I know my man loves me...I know how to draw the line between business and pleasure...I know that I have a job to ...I know what I have at home and have to let my love and my commitment help me to resist the temptation that I have ahead of me...

Isn't it hard to make a choice to do the right thing when in the back of your mind you want to do the wrong thing?

Don't you just want to tell that little voice to shut up sometimes?

He will be coming to work with me at my home in the next few minutes, and I have to try to get through yet another day of being close to the man...Pray for me!